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Previous Hashes

So...we circled, we drank, we sang, we hashed, we drank, we circled again, we drank, we sang.
Here's some stuff that may or may not have happened.







Saturday 09/10/2022 #1720

Three Inch Cock Teases' Lucky 13 @ Aboussie Park

Nobody has written the Hash Trash yet...WHY ARE WE WAITING!?!?!




Saturday 08/27/2022 #1717

$5 $5 $5 (note 5pm start!) @ 2710 Locust St, St Louis, MO 63103-1414, United States

Nobody has written the Hash Trash yet...WHY ARE WE WAITING!?!?!



Wednesday 08/17/2022 #1715

Bungle Hangover Hash by Dewey @ Paul C. Wehner Memorial Park

Hash Trash:

Hash Trash #1715: On-After Edition (Dewey's Version)
There we were, at bar 3 of 3 looking to feed hungry hashers. The group had dwindled down to six: Asshole, LOO, Purdy, Dewey, SCUBA, and Just Andrew. As Dewey and LOO saddled up to get a beer, a young man asked if we had been playing kickball. "Nope, just out for a run and some beers!" To which he replied, "oh yeah, I've done that before." Now when I say this was a young man, I mean like 22 at the oldest (spoiler, I wasn't far off*). We kind of laughed it off but then he added "yeah it was last year, I found a bunch of people drinking at a park near Big Bend so I ran back with them to Deer Creek Park. I was getting off work at this butcher shop."
Oh shit.
We remember this kid. Triple D was literally talking about it at the beer stop last night. He had asked if he could put his steak in the cooler and then (as SCUBA pointed out) ran shirtless back to the end. What are the odds that this dude shows up again, the night of another shitty Dewey trail where I used the same beer stop? Small Town St. Louis!
*Just Micah pointed out that he was not 21 and showed "some lady" a fake ID. At this, the bartender was side-eyeing him and he said that he is in fact 21 now 😂






Saturday 07/23/2022 #1710

Strap On's Bash @ Carondelet Park

Nobody has written the Hash Trash yet...WHY ARE WE WAITING!?!?!


Wednesday 07/20/2022 #1709

Mouthwest Airlines @ Berra Park

Hash Trash:

It ain't no joke, the temperature was smoke
We watch the world drowning in sweaty company
Deathwatch the world rebuff the fires and street mires
Hey, I know it's just a song but it's spice for the hash trash

This is a hare attack, Mouthwest took us out and then back
It's just like any trail, we retact to its impact
And just like hashing it's a passion for the drunkards and unzipped
If you got the chalk, they'll come
And run it just to drink in the Claw

We came to play, but no, children were running around
Their family offered meat to keep us alive, waiting for hash cash to arrive
And a kid to follow, Delta’s pizza for to swallow
But if the offer's shunned, you might as well be hashin' on the sun

Five minutes to go they broke out and they poke out
Free of runner oppression together they strolled
And they walked out to the Hill down Kingshighway
I wasn’t there man so what the hell happened

Then runners were out some were slow hounds some were fast hounds
Some they found White Claw and some drank it up to
Fight back 'gainst the melt down
And then we found moonshine at the moon stop
Because drinking is hashin’ the true meaning of it

With no delay, hashers likewise were running down
Hoping if they stayed alive, six to eight beers to arrive
And if they follow, trail to the music’s calling
But the hare had shunned, we might as well be hashin' on the sun

It ain't no joke when it’s TGP and the pack is soaked
With their sweat so we crashed a date and they were not stoked
The picnic is broke down, so just drink down and focus on the letdown
Mouthwest Airlines can't provide no water at the beer stop

So we knocked back, went back and then the pack did get back
Kids at 10:00? This neighborhood is under attack
The RA sang the Ball Song, back-to-back, love a replay
Dewey suggested Just Jess is bold enough to be named (hey, hey)

To our dismay, Just Jess’ answers were running out
But we know that she fucked a cop on a slide
And if she’d swallowed, there’d be a nameless tomorrow
But for the officer's fun, she got named after hashin' on the sun

You might as well be hashin' on the sun
You might as well be hashin' on the sun
You might as well be hashin' on the sun
You might as well be hashin' on the sun
<3 Sweet Ho Alabama



Saturday 07/09/2022 #1707

BH4 1707 - Francis Slay Park - St Louis/Maplewood @ Francis Slay Park - St. Louis, Mo -

Nobody has written the Hash Trash yet...WHY ARE WE WAITING!?!?!




Saturday 06/25/2022 #1704


Wednesday 06/22/2022 #1703

Dewey Birthday Trail @ Sublette Park

Hash Trash:

Birthday Week is an oasis of hedonism in the Big Hump summer social season, a reminder that if the pack doesn’t end the night collapsed into a drunken heap behind Trops’ dumpster we aren’t really hashing. Any concerns that one of the traditional hares preparing for an actual birth day would slow down the party train were eliminated with the conjunction this year with Whiney Bitch’s long-awaited 800th hash. The celebrants gathered at a shelter near the Sublette Park splash pad, delighting in the flawless weather and surely unbreakable idyllic peace of The Hill neighborhood (home of Ben Pucci and mentioned in Charlie Patton’s 1934 hit ‘Love My Stuff," a song in which "stuff" means liquor #foreshadowing). Cuntlery brought various tiny creampies to celebrate the birthday hare Dewey Sexual System, resplendently dressed in rainbow kitties. The party of the season welcomed four virgins and two visitors; due to an excited RA clerical error most of them were introduced as Just Christian. Dewey and co-hare Quarter Pound Me introduced the Economy Sized Triple Check with its corresponding Triple Blow Jobs (not as exciting as it sounds) and sent the pack on their way. Five fishhooks gifted the FRBs with the search for walkers with whom to share birthday shots and tiny pies, icing on the cake for these mile-hungry wanks. The hares had left a trail through Clifton Park before greeting the pack with beer in Tilles Park, prompting reminiscing about beer miles and meltdowns from trails past. It seemed impossible that the Homecumming Hash’s recent trail treasure extravaganza could be matched so quickly, but Strap-On’s discovery of a pair of stilettos in an alley had the guest list lining up to try them on and strut their stuff, with varying degrees of comfort and success. The gala intensified as How Do You Like My Headlights Now? and Fake Bake Fuck arrived with beer reinforcements and Fireball. The pack reluctantly left beer stop to cope with the dreaded triple check on their way to on-in, where Whiney passed out soft pretzel treats. A lovely summer night and plenty of beer and Fireball called for a Postage-length circle, so we celebrated returner/visitors Speed Wanker (Portland, Maine!) and Stiffy (Chicago!) and Kibble n Dick’s and Whiney’s family. Wet Spot’s accomplishment of 44 hashes and zero hares earned her the hashit and Black Tar Bomber paid for her new shoes sin by drinking out of both them and the community stilettos. Whiney celebrated his historic milestone with the inaugural 800th r*n grail. The party was going strong when suddenly four uninvited guests, an apoplectic man walking a rottweiler-shaped horse and a smaller, less angry man/dog pair, exploded into circle and began screaming about what kind of people we are, who might have parked a white truck in an ill-advised manner, and how not a sir he is. Chaos ensued as various wanks attempted to soothe, reason, and/or out-rage the infuriated party crasher with little success until Bomber the Asshole Whisperer escorted him back to the offending truck, made friends with his dog, and commiserated with him on the audacity of whoever it was who stole a utility truck and left it blocking his driveway. After more circle the celebration moved on to beloved neighborhood haunt The Hideaway for more beers and pizza and wings courtesy of Whiney and Mouthwest Airlines. This writer can confirm that as of 1:30am one of STLPD was listening to smooth jazz and monitoring the offending truck, while the last hashers standing destroyed their Thursdays in proper birthday fashion. Happy birthday, Dewey! <3 Sweet Ho Alabama



Wednesday 06/08/2022 #1700

Come on the Record's 1700th R*n Extravaganza @ George Winter Jefferson County Park

Hash Trash:

It is with heavy heart I write here my recountings and living nightmares of the trail that ensued on the day June the 8th in the year of our Gispert, 2022. When the Kennel had been assembled upon the banks of the George Winters preserve they had made circle and had steeled themselves for what was purported to be a most pugnacious and irredeemable trail that offered little glory and much heartbreak. The offending Hares, to little fanfare, had prescribed to them a set of warnings in what at the time was seen as an act of bravado and cocksure gesticulations but, upon further reflection can now be seen as an act of mercy. After much delay the inexperienced motley of regulars took to the column in a smattering of hoops and hollers, betraying their green horn inexperience, or mayhaps as it was, a sign of their own I'll placed arrogance. The road to the beer stop, at first, was paved. A long stretch of winding, shoulderless, pavement. Little sign was left to guide the Kennel and they marched forward, ignorant of the sharp turn into the park. When a scouting party consisting of one Whiney Bitch, an experienced Hashers who would often boast of over 800 trails, and Wet Spot, who in her own right had Hashes that also numbered well in the triple digits though within another regiment, found trail into the woods, the hearts of column sank. The elasticity of shiggy socks were tested in the direst of poison ivy afflicted bramble and the resolve dwindled with the setting sun. A hash halt was made by the offending Hares and all the kennel was stalled and regrouped to move as one mighty force. It was then that Lock Nut Monster, bearing the uniform of an entirely different kennel arrived to much fanfare. They continued, but upon the banks of the Meremac jutty the company quickly lost all courage. Any vessels of transport that might've aided the kennel were gone either by fire, sinking, or never having existed at all. With taunting pose and gray uniform, the hares stood opposite the column demanding that they ford the river and take them presently with all haste and reckless abandon. It is at this time that the company broke with Rudy and Quarter pound me leading the way to route the hares back at the Circle and reclaim the beer there for future re-supply. A cunning move. Upon the banks of the river the kennel, sopping wet and shiggy socks weighing up on their ankles like shackles, availed themselves to the sweetest of warm Busch lights. It is here that Sweet Ho, a regular called in from Alabama, regailed the camp with tales of Ms. Marvel, Marvelous Ms Maisel and other alliteratively named heroins. The hares, now in their grasp, took advantage of the moistened group's revelry and slipped off among the beached flotsam into the briar of the park. Despondent the company rallied behind the single craniumlamp, borne by Roadkill, to march single file through the woods with a scouting group to assess signs for their pursuit. Upon this trek is when Sweet Ho was felled four separate times by the untamed wooden bestiary. Another beach, this time a craggy and pebble firmed bay, was the makeshift highway for the unfortunates. The warm beer now faded from memory, they clung closely together for warmth of body and of soul. After summiting the last of the precipices the kennel was able to smartly deduce the camp and with almost a ravenous fervor they made for the camp in an all out move of desperation. Here they were rejoined by Pound me and Rudy for a blitz over sloppy crags and tangled vine. Tripping and galloping. It is with bittersweet words I tell you that the kennels foes we're, at last, accosted and tried in a court of Hashial Law. The offending Hares we're found guilty in a unanimous verdict of the high crime of Shitty Trail. ~ Vomit Comet


Saturday 05/28/2022 #1698









Wednesday 04/20/2022 #1690



Saturday 04/09/2022 #1688



Wednesday 03/30/2022 #1686

Tazed + Mystery Hare @ TBD

Nobody has written the Hash Trash yet...WHY ARE WE WAITING!?!?!


Saturday 03/26/2022 #1685

Green Dress Run @ Forest Park, Dogtown, The Hill

Hash Trash:

First GDR in three years during a pandemic AND we're all three new GMs? LOL NO PRESSURE. But real talk we had a blast, and we hope you did, too. This is the sentimental Thank You post, because this event would not have happened (and certainly not as smoothly as it did) without an incredible group of people who volunteered and gave support, advice, and time; at one point a hasher commented to me that I seemed really relaxed to be GM at a big event and I was like, yeah, all these people have done this before, know how it works, and can be trusted to get their shit done, I just did things like "hey remember when we had hot dogs, that was great," and poof, hot dogs. So ROLL CREDITS: Here's to HARES Ice Princess, Dos Hickeys, Disco Ass, Maybe It’s Meth, Betty Cocker, Jizzuit Priest (FINALLY), Fake Bake Fuck, Delta Anal Gangbang, and Colorado Cocktease! I heard folks raving/ranting about the trails to a perfect degree; if you wanted torture you got torture, if you wanted a leisurely stroll and a close-up look at a train you got that. Our beloved city was shown off perfectly, from a tour of a secret dump to a fighter jet overlooking dinosaurs to the fabled Death Bridge of Death, our hares brought the fun/terror/Uber. Here's to Three Inch and Feather, the wienermiesters! If you want your wieners hot and your buns soft, but have no idea how that should happen logistically, this is the dynamic duo for you. Feather also came correct with the beloved photobooth that saw too much (That poor, poor photobooth). Here's to QuarterPoundMe, who ORGANIZED his plans to RA a giant circle and keep things moving so even our attention span was respected. Here's to StrapOn and Quarterpoundme, without whom no tunes would have spun and no voices would have been amplified. Here's to KNIFEHAND, featuring our beloved Come It Out, with special guest bugler Disco. Here's to TSA, for driving the beer wagon and checking people in and giving so much to support a drunken shitshow even if she's not able to join in on the revelry. As soon as that person she and Tazed are working on gets finished we're gonna make it up to her by driving her around in a Uhaul full of all the beer she can drink and all the Phish tunes she can stand. So that's pretty much gonna be our entire September... Here's to Hummers, the clever, patient artist behind the toetags and art for the photobooth! Here's to DOS for those ridic meaty buns and fucking perfect cookies! Here's to Winey Bitch, Nurse Hashit, and Extenze For Men for celebrating their 60th birthday and freakin' WEDDING with us! Special shoutout to Nopanty Granny for the cupcakes, and the pack for perfecting the wedding song. Here's to best dressed winners Black Tar Bomber, Santa's Little Helper, and Just Marcus! And pint of lager to EVERYONE who brought their best lewks: fapworthy efforts, all. We cute. Here's to Purdy Mouth, for giveaways and pics! Here’s to the vegans, vegetarians, and gluten-free folks for being kind about our lapse in taking care of them. 😰 We’re sorry that got left off the rego, we’ll do better. Here's to the visitors, especially Chicago, Memphis, Kansas City, and Peoria for bringing their wholeass squads! We love you all, we can't wait to come to your events and steal your best ideas. #HasherFamilyIsTheBestFamily Here's to STLH3 for sharing their 2000th run milestone with us, and giving us the gift of Drunk Lucy RAing the longest ever circle! Here's to Ice Princess, for endless support and advice. Frankie and I were constant visitors to the Ice Princess Help Desk but she perfectly balanced letting us figure it out while still making sure we weren't going to fuck shit up too bad. She'd make a fine GM some day. Here's to Frankie the Dick Thrusting Pussy Eater, who even before GDR had perfected the art of quietly realizing shit we needed, making it happen, and then checking in with the report on the fire he just put out; but he turned that up to eleven for GDR. If you enjoyed hot and cold running fried chicken and a constant supply of beer/Bloody Marys/champagne, he was the wizard behind that meat curtain. He's true fucking blue. Here's to all of mismanagement, for the constant cleanup, and pitching in without being asked, and patiently telling people over and over again they needed to reread the safety announcement. All weekend I heard people raving about how smoothly everything went, and this was entirely because of y'all and your willingness to jump in and get work done. And course, thank YOU for coming, and hashing and drinking and dancing and laughing and being such a rad part of hashdom. Whether we see you every Wednesday or met you for the first time this weekend, we're glad you were a part of GDR and hope you'll come again. Love, Sweet Ho Alabama (with Frankie TDTPE and Purdy Mouth)

Wednesday 03/23/2022 #1684

5th An(nu)al Beer Mile presented by Stag @ Lafayette Park - Corner of Park and Mississippi (NE corner)

Hash Trash:

Big Hump 1684! Beer Mile Hash Trash There was a lot of nail biting going on leading up to this event. Would it happen? Where was it at? Who knew? The Hare kept everyone on edge by sharing the location of trail to no one. Everyone knows the best way to get people to show up to your trail is to not tell them where it's at. Well played, Dewey. Eventually the standard beer mile location was made known to all and regardless of the hare's attempt to make sure no one knew where to go, there was a fine showing of hashers old and new. The 69th annual beer mile competition would take place, after all. Hashers gathered. Beers were consumed. I saw hashers I haven't seen in some while at Big Hump. I'm looking at you Postage Tramp. Probably looking at ICHY too. Circle up was called. Dewey explained that the pre-laid shitty trail before the beer mile, that didn't even matter, had like 4 kinds of standard marks. Woo hoo there's a fucking dot again. On out happened. 3 minutes later Triple D arrived back to the start stating that he quit trail because he had to shit somewhere. 3 minutes later everyone else that ran the complete trail showed up. THEN the actual event people showed up for kicked off. Dewey said some stuff. 5 Bucks beer snobbed that he was too good to drink beer that wasn't mass produced by the company that he works for. I volunteered to serve beer at the 3rd stop because this is rumored to be the best stop. People puke and die at this stop, I heard, and I love watching people do these two things. I wandered off to my serving station so I have no clue what happened soon after. I assume some people said funny things and then some racists chugged beers and took off. Then I assume they went to the first stop to drink a beer. Then I assume they went to the 2nd beer stop to drink a beer. When they got to the last stop, where I was at, they would have already ran ¾ of a mile and consumed 3 beers. Chugging a 4th beer was sure to make someone puke, right? WRONG. These gods damned alcoholics are well seasoned. Every single one of these assholes finished their beer and kept on moving. Maybe It's Meth and Mouthwest Airlines were at the lead of the solo competitors and neck and neck. Meth took off seconds before Mouthwest. I could not find out who won until hours later because Quarter # Me and BtBomber finnnnnnnalllllllyyyyyy made it to the 3rd beer check 169 minutes into the race. Bomber took another 69 minutes to drink that last beer so everyone STAFFING the beer stop agreed we wouldn't tell on her if she just went ahead and walked on while drinking her beer. Ooops I lied. I later found out that Mouthwest Airlines came up Meth's rear and overtook him firmly to be victorious in this year's Big Hump Beer Mile! Just a bit over 8 minutes! Cum In Sumthing and $5 won their division of a 2-person team. You know why? No one else wanted to enter this piece of shit division. It's a beer mile, not a beer ½ mile. You can't both have a 60 IQ and tell people together you have a 120 IQ. After that... Holy shit you have you ever had 20 of your friends slam 4 beers in 10 minutes. Loooollllloollolllollo drunkards! BtBomber kicked Triple D's ass Cobra Kai way. Ta(s)(z)ed was drunk as fuck and ran like 10 laps around people called in for something. Fatliner was weird as fuck but he was that way before too. Lots of slurred words going on here by lots of people! Everyone drank more beer The End. All in all... Just another shitty trail! Frankie TDTPE

Wednesday 03/16/2022 #1683


Saturday 03/12/2022 #1682

After the Parade with Disco Ass @ Shamrock Pub Parking Lot

Nobody has written the Hash Trash yet...WHY ARE WE WAITING!?!?!





Wednesday 02/23/2022 #1678

Winey Bitch's 70th Hare @ Grant's Trail Parking Lot

Nobody has written the Hash Trash yet...WHY ARE WE WAITING!?!?!


Wednesday 02/16/2022 #1677


Saturday 02/12/2022 #1676


Wednesday 02/09/2022 #1675

DDD and Cum in Sumthing @ Benton Park

Hash Trash:

1675: DDD and Cum in Sumthing Temps in the 30s and still plenty of snow and ice on the ground means only a stalwart few attending the hash. Except somehow a summer-sized crowd gathered in Benton Park to slip slide away the night. Quarter Pound Me introduced returning visitor Just Chris and Cum in Sumthing offered a very well-attended chalk talk, and then the pack was headed out for an icy tour of the alleys of Benton Park West and Tower Grove East. The hares had given the best of all Shot Stop instructions, "look behind the dumpster," and sure enough the pack found clever little double shot glasses with wells for the peanut butter whiskey while the rest of the glass could be filled with Absence of Light, a pretty decent peanut butter stout by Four Hands standards. Onwards through more alleys, includeding BVCs and a discarded clothes hanger, inciting Just the Tick to start and promptly abandon a joke for TSA for being "too dark." The trail was pretty well marked by DDD standards, including a spot featuring six hare's arrows pointing in different directions, all but two of which had been marked out. The pack descended upon Strap-On's backyard, where he was hosting a firepit complete with marshmallows for roasting and clever s'mores shots with mallow/chocolate/graham encrusted cups. Usually when I lick a rim I'm dodging the brown bits, but this was delicious! Rather than start new lives around the warm fire everyone grudgingly headed back to start, where the sounds of pickle ball and curious onlookers from the community center offered a backdrop for Just the Tick earning her 100 mug and wanks gleefully revolting as the RA attempted to sing anything but the ball song. Your obedient servant, S. Ho

Wednesday 02/02/2022 #1674

Eye Swallow & Kampground Cummer @ St Charles, MO

Hash Trash:

Trail 1674- Feb 2, 2022 After a quick pre-lube at the Wine Bar in New Town, the pack began to assemble in the lovely warmth of Campground Cummers living room. After a beer or two more, the hash collective agreed to get the show on the road and start circle. In honor of Groundhog day, the original trail was going to be a mind numbing repeat of the same trail over and over again BUT since it was ball numbing cold, the hares relented and we only did trail once! Eye Swallow intended to wear a woodchuck hat but couldn't find one, so an owl hat was the best we got. The trail was one big frozen water crossing (ie shit ton of snow) marked in pinkish red flour that Winey would have hated. Wet Spot took the lead in checking checks and at a particularly difficult one, late cummer, Quarter Pound Me caught up to the pack and got his fire ball shot check. Campground Cummer got her first lifetime FRB to the On In! Circle moved inside for beers and yummy fresh salsa. Quarter Pound Me was declared Hash Shit for his amazing Amish like Barn Raising Clothing choices. Also this night some stalwart, but scared to cross a bridge during snowmaggedon, hashers met up for an impromptu DP. Other hashers wisely stayed home and hopefully had some beers too! Whether you stayed in, DP'd, or froze your ass off in New Town, we are all part of the Hasher Family!! On on!! - Wet Spot



Wednesday 01/19/2022 #1671



Saturday 01/08/2022 #1669

Mouthwest Airlines, Hero Hare @ Chouteau Park

Nobody has written the Hash Trash yet...WHY ARE WE WAITING!?!?!


Wednesday 01/05/2022 #1668

Fatliner & Triple D's Perfect Trail @ Midland Township, MO

Nobody has written the Hash Trash yet...WHY ARE WE WAITING!?!?!


Big Hump Hash House Harriers - St. Louis, Missouri - Established 1999