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Wednesday 11/30/2011 #981

Disco A$$ & Claim to Flame @ Brooklyn

Hash Trash:

Brooklyn, Illinois. Populaton: 622. More popularly nicknamed Lovejoy. This hash is going to be awesome.

15 hashers showed up by 7:00, when we found out that trail was dead and would be swept by our two hares, Claim to Flame and Disco Ass. There would also be a Turkey Eagle split, which each of them would man-handle. Roll was called, the hares were blessed (thanks to Sprechen Sie Spank, since our RA Whiney Bitch was in hiding). It began pretty standard: dots, check, dots, hare-rows, checks, etc. Once we hit the Turkey/Eagle split though, things got a little janky. For one, none of the Turkeys could find trail, unless you counted all the flour on Claim to Flame. Our newest addition, Army of Dark Whores (lent to us by the Carolina Trash) and Just Michelle were pretty convinced the hares lost their own trail that they ad pre-layed the evening prior. There were no dots to be found. Later we found out that there were dots, however, we were in an active construction site so they may have been run over by trucks. Awesome guys.

The beer stop was at a great metal, phallic statue in what I can only imagine to be the heart of Venice, IL, near the McKinley Bridge. Speculation arose as to whether the new bridge would be called the Brooklyn Bride, since it comes off of Brooklyn St. on the MO side and connects to Brooklyn on the east side. Whatever. On the way back Just Dale ate some Twizzlers off the ground and Dewey Sexual System got stopped by security for trying to rob trains. Still not sure if that means stealing actual trains or just looting from them.

At Circle, Whiney finally got off his lazy behind and ran circle, for which Holateral Damage ducked inside the strip club to change. Oh yeah, was there any mention that the on after was going to be at a strip club? More on that in a little bit. We had a virgin, Just Michael, brought by Chuck Chuck Deuce. Shits Bricks got his 25 band and Monistat got his 69, blessed by Dewey and Sprechen, respectively. Purdy Mouth made a bet with Just Dale on how many asses he could slap with his hand full of cheesy chipped goodness and Clifford the Big Red Pussy debated on going home early or checking out some ladies. Home won, what a pussy. Whiney got hashshit, then dumped it all over Disco. All in all, a shitty trail and a shitty circle. On-on to the titties!

Inside Roxy's, the atmosphere was quite...different. Louder, sure, but also darker and not much warmer. They let us in on a discounted price, but beers were still $5.75. We met a nice young lady named Kelsey, who was later described to me by just Dale as "wearing sweaters on her teeth." The first dancer up gave Shits Bricks and Just Dale her full attention. And I mean full. As in frontal. And rear-al. Though she was much better than her 45 year-old Asian follow-up. Holy shit. I thought the ladies at the Queen of Hearts were rough. At one point, Army commented that one of the dancers looked to be preggers. At this place, anything was possible. Seriously. She came up later and said that she overheard him and if it was that obvious.

On a side note, don't ever touch Shits Bricks' glasses. Trust me. Also, cranium bands are great for sticking one dollar bins in. Make it hail!!!

Much love,
Dewey


Big Hump Hash House Harriers - St. Louis, Missouri - Established 1999