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Wednesday 10/12/2011 #970

Fake Bake F*ck & Postage Tramp @ Kirkwood

Hash Trash:

Goddammit, I just remembered I volunteered to write the trash.  PMS was our RA for the night, probably because her shirt lit up (PS-that shirt kind of totally rocked). Purdy Mouth really wanted to hear the National Anthem, and the first period of the baseball match, so he had his car stereo blasting.  Lazy reprimanded him telling him to get a smartphone.  OCD and Stinky did a stunt FRB down-down to get the night started.  Chalk talk was pretty standard, except for an example of a CB in incorrect Roman Numerals (IIV?).  A few latecomers actually drove on chalk talk (Hoosier, we’re looking at you).  Turkeys were promised a very short pavement pound, and Eagles lots of shiggy, and the warning of running with a partner that possessed a cranium lamp.   Grope shot involved Whiney taking easily a dozen pictures with two cameras, so surely one got my good side.  Hares got a 15 minute head start, and Lucy told Kenyan and I about some of the craziness of IAH.


The pack set out and quickly split off into Turkey and Eagle trails.  From what I gather, Turkeys walked to PMS and Postage’s house, drank, then walked back to the bar and drank some more.  And probably drank on the walking part.  They all seemed more than usually ‘happy’ at circle after. 


Immediately after the split, I fell flat on my face for the 4th week in a row.  Burn Rubber (also a faller) commented at the beer stop that she really needs a cranium lamp to prevent falls.  They help a lot.  Eagles ran through a few checks and chick checks and up and down the hills of Kirkwood.  Up at the top of a rather large hill was CB 12.  And down the hill we went.  TP was spotted, and down into the woods we went.


Immediately a “very nice lady” called down and told us we were on private property and if we didn’t get off NOW she would call the cops.  Clifford the Big Red Pussy yelled, “GO AHEAD AND CALL THE COPS.”  Apparently the Pussy talks a big talk.   We hurried through a slippery creek bed to get off of her property, but unfortunately found no more marks in that direction.  So we had to go back.  And the cops pulled up.  And by cops, I mean 1 car, 2 SUVs.   Hoosier, Big Red Pussy and I talked with Johnny Law, who informed us that: 1) That “very nice lady” had a husband that was a county cop, and we were lucky that he wasn’t home  and 2) If we trespassed again  he would “shut us down.”  Some hashers,like oh, you know, Whiney (just a bit cop-shy after last week) and Monistat snuck off while we were having a nice conversation with the police and went back to the bar.


So, since we couldn’t run the trail set on private property, we set out to figure out where the trail would pick back up.  We ran through the neighborhoods in small groups, until most of us decided to go up past the CB and found marks.  We figured out which way trail went, but unfortunately had no chalk to mark.  After a few checks and a whichy way, we made our way to the BS.  We shared our adventure with the hares, who commented that they did see a county cop car parked in the driveway of the “very nice lady’s” house when setting trail.  Thanks, wankers.  Beers were had, and those of us that made it assumed that the rest of the pack went back to the bar.  But not all of them had (I think it was only RCS, Whiney, and Monistat that abandoned us)!  Bricks, Lucy, DQ, and Flame (there were probably more) came through just in time to a have a sip of beer before we left for circle.


After a quick detour through more PRIVATE property, trail back was pretty much a straight shot.  Circle was abbreviated due to a sporting competition that I think some hashers cared about.  PMS called for all songs to be sung double-time, and quieter than usual so that we did not attract more attention.  Fastest circle ever.  Hares got Hash Shit, naturally, but there was NO HASH SHIT to drink from.  Ice Princess and I smelled onion rings, which smelled great, and then Chinese food, which smelled even better.  ALPO and 2FC’s trail next week will be in Kirkwood too, so I hope everyone works on the speedwork. 


Peace out, motherfuckers!






Fake Bake, Postage and the Rally Squirrel are setting trail in Kirkwood.
Start is across from Graham's Grill on Woodbine.

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Big Hump Hash House Harriers - St. Louis, Missouri - Established 1999