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Wednesday 09/14/2011 #964

Cum It Out & F*ck Me Pumps @ Wedding Pre Lube! (The Grove)

Hash Trash:

It began innocently enough: 4 years ago a young hasher named Just Greg brought a virgin to the hash. A few weeks later, she shows up again, this time not for the hash, but with Just Greg after they had been out on a date. It got her a name (trivia: the original name was Cum Fuck Me Pumps) and it got him laid, hopefully. Flash forward to 2011 when the two are now properly named (he stole the Cum from her name) and getting married in a month. On behalf of the hash, we wish you two the best!

Trail began promising enough. The hares, Cum It Out and Fuck Me Pumps were in their hash wedding best. It had rained all freaking day and cleared up just in time to begin trail. We went through the usual hash marks, although the Turkey/Eagle was now
CIO/FMP. The hares were away and the pack followed soon after. A few mishaps along the way and we eventually got to the split. Around this time the pack lost Norman Bates, Keyless Entry was losing her dress and Dewey Sexual System accidentally followed 2:19 From Chicago and Orgy Cum Dumpster onto the Eagle trail. A bit of confusion occurred in the Central West End involving BJ and the Bear looking for marks. Saying "BJ that way" could mean BJ and the Bear is checking that way or someone found a BJ that way; we ARE half-minds after all. Trail took us through the hospital and back across the highway to a nice little neighborhood. Soon enough, Shits Bricks took us right where we wanted to be: the Beer Stop! Not just any BS, either, but a Champagne and Cupcake stop. Tats Snatch and Ass pointed out that we should have one at every hash and most of us agreed.

The way back was short and sweet, but we still managed to lose a few hashers. Purple Muffin' Stuffin', Toxic Waste, GladHeAteHer and Fuck Me Rudolph were no where to be found! Purdy Mouth mentioned that he saw them duck into a bar, so we started with circle anyway. At some point, Fuck Me Pumps grew a baby, Whiney Bitch, HoLateral Damage and Ho Hum showed up, the foursome returned and Gladdy was falling out of his torn dress. You just know that he's always the slutty bridesmaid. We awarded significant runs early, since it was cold and we were worried that some hashers might duck out of circle early. Only one very significant run was given to Ruck Me and blessed by Hoosier Nooner in quite possibly the hottest blessing at a hash. Ever. Fake Bake Fuck was called in for his 'spensive dress, Chuck Chuck Deuce and Monistat showed off their fancy footwear, Tig Ol' Bitties defended her chain mail dress and our lone virgin Just Bill (also the only Just in attendance) gave a very funny joke about having sex with children. Watch it buddy, the name I Like Small Children is back up for grabs. We gave the happy couple about to be married hashshit for, what else? Getting married :)

The on-after was amazing. Sure, we've been to Novak's before, but they don't remember it. They hung a sign that said "WELCOME HASHERS", gave us a spot near the karaoke table, had happy hour and food until
midnight and they even helped duck tape FMP's baby to her. I think they'll remember us from now on.

All in all? A bloody cunt trail.

Dewey Sexual System

Big Hump Hash House Harriers - St. Louis, Missouri - Established 1999