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Wednesday 08/24/2011 #960

$5, $5, $5 @ Near Southside!

Hash Trash:

$5-HARE TRAIL TALE

Why didn't I see it comming?...$5 and The Downtown Lou is a deadly combination of too many places to go and too far to get there. With only $5, your cashed out before you get half way to nowhere.

That literally happened as I ran out of gas going uphill back across the EADS BRIDGE (50-DOT!, Pavement-Pounding, NO BEER-Check, Endless-Uphill, SHITS BRICKS-Sprinting, TOXIC WASTE-Turkey Cutting, MetroLink Tower-Scowering, Endless-Uphill AGAIN!, Two Change-of-State, Parole-Busting, Downhill 2nd-Wind, Confused-Pack, Badly-Marked After 50 In A Row Along A Captured Path, AND You've Taken Us This Far From Freak'n Lafayette Square 3 NEIGHBORHOODS Away YOU BASTARD!...You Better Go To The ARCH-Or We Are Going To Kick Your Ass) CIRCLE JERK.

"A bridge too far" details will be spilled in this trash to approach the sweat we lost on this PALLADIUM POUNDER.

Where do you begin on an Epic Journey through 3 Neighborhoods of St. Louis and "just the tip" of Soulard (that's what she said)?... At the CIRCLE of course.

...Ahhhh yessss, the Cirrrrrcllllllle................................................................

{Freak'n still blazing out there...change clothes in car's air conditioning and tunes...Cool, got new light and thin running shorts for this summer scorcher...'Hey TSA, my 11-yr old daugher's first intramural cross-country race is tomorrow (nuf said for this daddy)...What should my 50-yr Goal 1-Mile Time be?...I was thinking of 6:30 too(,but I really know it should be 6 minutes)'...Hey Dewey, nice to see you(rrr)...Ah, $5 Virgins again, Big-Hump loves $5 Virgins, especially since they are usually hot and fast; very appropriate for tonight...Damn, no RA's...not ready for prime time with only cheat sheet and 10 years observation. Oh cool, POSTAGE will punish us all with endless dual flogging down down circles before and after the 'Bridge Too Far Palladium Pavement Pounder'............

Chalk Talk Dilerium Again...Man we used to have coherent and useful chalk talks from Ledgends like DUZZY CUM and EAT A BLOODY BITCH...now it's just ($5 with his possie of hot and buff, tight ass virgins and speedsters; WOW, WE MADE IT!) how much the hare can forget to tell the pack and to stare at the intrepidating virgins tight ass(es)...especially when we sing 'F'ed all the virgins...the hare is finally away off west through Lafayette Square...

Can we go yet?, can we go yet?, can we go yet?, is it 15 yet?, do I have time for another beer? Stash the mug and hit the trail...damn it's still hot out...which way?...starting slow is paying off on this barely marked trail...[Note to $5-Hare: Use at least 5 lbs flour for every 3 miles, don't just spread it thinner over 9 miles.]...pack went that way...must catch pack...see Dick run...see Dick run fast...nice asses, they always look finer in motion...where are we?...been lost since Lafayette Park...Cool, Turkey/Eagle Split #1, 2 or 3?...Damn, roasting like a Thanksgiving Turkey...'GO GO GO...Does something need doing?'...where are we again?...'LAST MARK! SPREAD OUT!'...'GO GO GO'...City Garden...Kiener Plaza... GO GO GO......

...How in the hell did we get to Lacledes Landing?...He's going for Eads Bridge...Damn, paired up with SHITS BRICKS...must keep form...hold on...don't get blown away...stay on shoulder...Give me more Scotty,'there's only a wee bit more c'ptain'...Well throw in Spock if you have to, but give me more power...up hill...long way...stay on feet...don't fall over railing...if you push SHITS into the railing or traffic you'll probablly make it to the top first...NO, just keep running full stride like it's downhill (on an uphill)...VICTORY TO THE TOP!...without maming...Oh, the second half of the bridge into Illinois...WHERE'S THE DAMN BEER CHECK?...[UltraMan]Beep-Beep-Beep...'must...reach...the...sun' for energy...gooooing Dowwwwn...Bye SHITS.........Ah, downhill again...see SHITS...catch SHITS?...catching SHITS...No, SHITS just slowing down for TOXIC WASTE...Toxic, what a Wanking, Turkey Trail, Short Cutting, Check Back 50 Finding SOB...Twat did you say?, 5 of 50?...That must be the MetroLink Station Tower stairs down to the Casino Queen...I'll check down the Metro Tracks and you go all the way down the the bottom of the stairs...Doh! you idiot, 5 of 50 is only 10% back across the bridge...BACK TO MISSOURI!...

...that bastard just ran all the way down the stairs and all the way up the stairs and just left me in his dust......WALKING!...beautiful night...awesome views...over the hill...going downhill...RUNNING...end of bridge...confused pack...must go to ARCH...'Down to the Riverfront!'...No Marks...No you idiot, 'Back to the ARCH!'...confused pack again...continue running concentric circles again until trail is found again...going southbound and down, down, down...faster, faster, faster...oh shit, going to crash at bottom...pull out, pull out, pull out (that's what she said again)...keep momentum...aiming for Soulard and Lafayette Square...guess the checks right...pull away...must keep going...a BEER NEAR and mile later...VICTORY to the BEER STOP...crap,won that big ass freak'n FRB Log to carry back 2 miles...WHAT? 6.5 miles to the BEER STOP?...2 miles back?...No wonder I'm cashed on a $5-Hare Trail.}

Special thanks go to: $5$5$5 for setting an urban endurance trail in 100 degree heat(lucky I'm heat acclimated); LockNut for not showing up and blowing my doors off; Shits Bricks for apparently getting lost at the ARCH; BJ & the Bear for also getting lost and getting worn down by carring that FRB LOG for 6.5 miles like your palming a basketball; All you Turkey Cutting Wankers that listened in CHALK TALK; and ALL you other fast FRB's that did not show up.

After 6.5 miles of Urban Shiggy I was happy to walk with Cum Goggles, BJ and Postage with my freak'n heavy FRB Log back to the start.

Postage had another marathon circle to properly rehash the weekend's Bungle #10, and go along with 100 minutes for 100 degrees. Feeling faint this hasher chugged mugs of H2O at circle. I found the On after a few minutes early to beg the manager to reopen the kitchen they had kept open for us. The Square One Brewpub Manager was a sport to bus, cook and serve the 15+ BH4 crew that found the 4th St. Louis Micro Brewerey (not counting O'Fallon MO)since his help had left and he bribed his cook to stay.

The Nachos were Fantastic with chunks of smoke seasoned steak for beef. We must revisit Square One Brewpub soon.

On On,
Winey


Big Hump Hash House Harriers - St. Louis, Missouri - Established 1999