Hash Trash - 07/27/11
It was a hot summer night but the RA blessed us with a warm breeze coming off of I-170. I grabbed a Silver Bullet and let everyone know that I was still alive. Hooligans of all kinds started to gather. Some were just shopping for wigs and rims at Showcase Market and others were looking for a light jog and spirited songs about dongs. After a couple of beers and everyone getting hit in the head by a foam yellow toilet seat, our RA Stink Palm gathered everyone into a circle to get the hash started. Our hare Disco Ass informed everyone of the marks they may see on trail and then requested a 12 minute cranium start. Our faithful RA Stink Palm set the timer and everyone finished their beers. I then peed in my Coors Light can.
We set off on trail and I was in the lead for a whole 100 yards. A new PR for me. We ran past a liquor store and then down a hill. Postage Tramp noted that it felt like a check back and he was right. Whiney Bitch saw a man walking a tiny white dog and thought it funny to run at the dog to scare him. What he didn't know was that the dog was not leashed and it went after him ferociously. Whiney's joking demeanor turned to fright as he put all of his energy into running away from the little mutt. Hilarious!
After another check back and many hashers almost getting run over, the pack started to thin out. In what seemed like 10 miles(actually only about a mile or so), the front runners came to a BHN but could not find the marks to get the BH. This allowed the pack to catch up a bit and allowed even the slowest hashers(Do My Butt and Hummers Para Libre) to get a small swallie of warm Tecate. A short trek through some industrial plants lead us to our first beer stop. Toxic Waste greeted me with an ice cold Miller High Life and it tasted like the best beer ever. Say what you will about the oppressive heat of summer hashing, at least the beer stops are better than in the winter. At the beer stop Orgy Cum Dumpster commented that all she really wanted to do was lick sweat off of Just Alex's nipple.
I grabbed the last beer and started walking the last half of trail along endless railroad tracks. Along the way, I told Garage A Tois and Hummers Para Libre that there is a list of hashers that I will never blindly follow. That list includes Help Me I'm Wet, Whiney Bitch, and Purple Muffin Stuffin'. Strangely though the list does not include Mudpacker who I have blindly followed on several occasions. Mostly because even though completely lost, he manages to find trail. Do My Butt was close to be added to the list, but then came through in the end and lead us back to the start and Hancock Fabrics.
In the circle, the usual crimes were punished and awards given. Hashers drank for being backsliders, for birthdays(both real and fake), and for signing up for Bungle In the Jungle 10. Our visiting hasher Litttle Scroat sang us a hash song sans pants and Whiney Bitch disappeared into the night. Just Alex was pulled in to be asked some more questions and to possibly get a hash name. Let this be a lesson to any nameless hashers who may be reading this. ***If you don't tell us good, funny, interesting, or humiliating things about you, we have a hard time coming up with meaningful names***. Just Alex informed us that he was in the military, that he had sex in a parking garage once, that he likes doggie style and dance party porn, his favorite barnyard animal is a pig, he had a hemorrhoid once, and that he like kids, old people, and puppies. Not a lot to go on, but some names that didn't make the cut were Tootsie Hole, Panty Dropper, Porky Piggin' It, Dance Dance Ejaculation, Rhoid, and Cum Guzzling Gutter Slut. In the end, the hash cheered loudest for I Like Small Children. Although Just Alex is not a child molester, the name has that kind of "Ugh, I shouldn't be shaking your hand" kind of Big-Hump flair to it. Whispers were heard around circle of a possible renaming at Bungle, but I'm a tell you what, I think we'll need some more dirt if a better name is to be decided upon. But Rhoid and Dance Dance Ejaculation are pretty good too, wink, wink.
Pissonya, Fake Bake Fuck, and Goat fucker were blessed with three of the driest 10, 25, and 69 cranium bands I have ever seen before Hashshit nominations opened up. Stink Palm was nominated for running the circle but not actually being a Big Hump RA, Do My Butt nominated Whiney Bitch for being scared of a tiny dog but then was called in as a stunt chugger for Whiney since he left, and some other people that I can't remember. Guess who won? And guess what she did with the hashshit beer?
The on-after smelled like shit, but had good pizza, chicken livers, and seemingly endless Sade. All in all, just another shitty trail. On-Out!