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Saturday 11/13/2010 #900

Disco Ass & Ass Licking Prince, OH! @ Heman Park

Hash Trash:

The Big Hump's Big Day... the celebration of the running of hash number 900. Woohoo!  Surely an event to remember.  But just in case you can't, here's a run down of what all happened (most of what happened anyway... I stopped by Fast Eddie's on my way to the hash, so my memory may be a bit fuzzy). 

First, the give-away.  Gloves.  And man were they timely.  Freezing a** cold last night.  And, they come equipped with sticky massage nipples.  Very nice. :) 

But, as it turns out, we didn't actully NEED gloves on trail.  We only ran a short distance before we ran into something long, dark, warm, wet.  But before you get your hopes up, let me tell you, its not the kind of dark, warm, wet spot you want to be running into.  No, it was a long, dark, stinky, warm, wet tunnel.  And when I say dark, I mean you couldn't see your hand in front of your face.  And by stinky, I mean imagine one of those mardi-gras port-a-pottys down in Soulard about
midnight after the parade is over.  Now imagine it turned over in a wine barrel that you have to crawl though.  Yup.  Really stinky.  And, the only way to avoid getting wet in the stinky slimey frothey water, was to try and walk on the side of the tunnel.  But you know... tunnels are round, and the sides are sloped.  At least 10 people fell in.  Diggity was literally covered in sh**.  And 20 more hashers had to throw away their shoes when the hash was over.  That bad.  Seriously.    And it was all of 3 miles long.  Really.  If you were a little bit clausterphobic or a bit afraid of the dark, this was definitly not your kind of hash. 

But then we got to the good part of the hash.  The food and the frantics.  Oh, and of course, the beer.  Not a cheap beer to be found.  If you were looking for your Busch, you were just plain out of luck.  Micro brews in bottles.  The best of the best (or at least, the best you can buy at Cosco).  Very nice.

And the food.  Burgers, brats, salad, beans, browines and more.  Yum.  Very nice.  And more importantly, a raging hot fire.  Very, very nice.  And then we circled.  And circle was as short and cold as the tunnel was long and hot.   Lots of significant runs and Shot By a Whore got cranium banded by the  lovely harriette Garage-a-trois who did it juicetus.  Several cute virgins.  Oh, and the best part, they flashed.  Better yet, one was male!  Well, and you and I both know, when a guy will flash in 34 degree temps, well, he is definitly more of a shower than a grower.  Yup.  Sorry you missed it.  I can't remember who FRB or DFL was or anything else inbetween really (and maybe there wasn't anything... like I said, it was a really short circle), but the hare was nominated for hashshit for making everyone smell like shit.  Ricky brought a real live girl.  Cute and cool too.  So of course she was nominated for comming with the crabster.  And then Just Will was nominated for trying to catch Lazy onfire and for just generally playing with the fire all night long.  I personally voted for Ricky's girl, but I think Disco aced her out.  He probably bribed the hare.  :) 

All in all, just another (really) shitty trail.  Thank you Disco and Alpo andyour lovely assistants Dewey and Bozo and anyone else who helped with the celebration.  Was fun.

Help Me Iím Wet

Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net


Join us for the 900th running of the Big Hump Hash House Harriers.

Trailmeister: Disco Ass
Gruel Extraordinaire: Alpo

A short but fascinating trail will introduce you to the sights, sounds and smells of University City, but not the U City you've come to know and love. This milestone hash will be celebrated with a delightful smattering of burgers, brats, dogs and other side items to be sloppily consumed at the on after. We'll have a fire going for you to warm your nipples and dry your soiled garments.

Hash cash is $15 and includes trail, hash and on after beer, a #900 lanyard tag and a commemorative giveaway sure to keep you warm this winter. There will also be a raffle to give away some good shit for a few lucky wankers. Please bring a flashlight and warm clothing as the on after is also at the park. We'll likely adjourn to some finer establishments in the Loop for nighttime debauchery.

Happy 900, Big Hump!

Rough directions: From the Delmar Loop - cranium West on Delmar past Big Bend. Make a right on Midland Blvd. After Vernon, you will see Heman Park on the right. Make your first right into the park and look for hashers.

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Big Hump Hash House Harriers - St. Louis, Missouri - Established 1999