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Wednesday 07/14/2010 #874

Winey's Summer Scorcher @ ???

Hash Trash:

Another Whiney F'n Trail.

Whiney brought the Hash back to North County. Home to many ex-North Countier Hashers. I don't understand. It's such a pleasant and friendly neighborhood. Why'd you leave? It was good to see Hummers make it back to the old neighborhood, but strange no DMB. Hmm, too good for NoCo now that she has moved outta the hood. It was a small pack this Glorious HASH day. Was it because it was so hot it felt like your were a mile from the sun, or maybe NoCo scared a few people or maybe because it was

F'n "Whiney Trail".

Well, I'm going to have to say "Bad Bad Hashers" for coming to a F'n Whiney Trail and granted the d'erections said nothing about a change of clothes, but when the hare is Whiney, it's in a park and there's water. Its bound to be Shiggylicious.Circle was formed on hill. Ya, awesome!!  Lazy almost rolled away twice. Thankfully Dewey and Postage made great speed bumps to slow his Lazy Ass down. Phew. I owe you two a few beers. Sadly, no virgins were out to enjoy the nice romp through the woods, but the Hash was visited by a Hasher from Diggity's Kennel in Sunny, Hot Arizona. Pfft, Hot. It's a dry a heat. Visitor Did You Bite My Penis? enjoyed the run so much. He suggested Whiney come on down to AZ, so he could personally repay him with a trail to match his F'n trail. Ok, if you weren't there and if you haven't figured it out by now. Stop reading and I'll draw you a damn picture. Yes, the trail F'n sucked. It was such a F'n Whiney trail;  he couldn't stop bragging about it at the BS. It was so long of a trail. I had three beers before Whiney showed up and another 2 before the first appearance of a hasher. Yea, that's how much it sucked for me being the BS. Wait a minute, disregard everything I've said. BEST TRAIL eveh'. Way to go Whiney! I'll be your BS anytime.

Ok Ok, I'm getting ahead of myself. Back to my Trash. So where was I, oh ya Chalk Talk. Well, we were getting a little nervous as Whiney was giving chalk talk, because he's been known to run out of flour on his trails. I've never seen so much flour and marks for Chalk Talk. Dots all over, a square, a square with dot in middle by the way Awesome, whichy way, T and E (suckers for those that took the T; more on that later), CB, something that looked like a penis which Mother Abraham enjoyed (check out the pics), more dots, 3 dotters for the BJ, true trail arrow, just an arrow, more dots, BH, BN, more dots and finally a BS 'YaY'. With so much flour on the ground Disco handed Whiney some chalk to keep as a backup. Whiney was off and the Hash got to enjoy a few more beers before the F'n trail. The smart ones took one for trail, because it was a long long time before the pack could enjoy the BS. Thankfully Whiney through in a BH for his F'n trail. The pack was off and the two walkers (Dewey, Hummers) turn to me, so is there a walking trail? Well, not really. Hummers and Dewey debated for a few seconds. Screw it, We'll run to the BS and ride back to circle. "Worst decision eveh!!" As I passed them on the way to the BS, I even slowed down for one of those moments of "If they turn around, I'll drive by and give them another offer of ride. If no turnny around, I keep going. Well...I kept going. So sad.

F'n Trail highlights or lowlights; you make the call. The pack was off on a casual run through the park following roads and trail paths until the "Hill of mud". When Whiney made it to the BS, the bragging ensued "ya when I was scouting trail, it had just stopped raining and I couldn't make it up the "Hill of mud". Tonight, it had dried just enough, so trail went up. It's going to be awesome. They'll have mud up to their asses." Back to trail, the pack is following trail along the paved path until it starts going through Shiggy on the way to the "Hill of Mud". Hashers are grabbing patches of grass and roots pulling themselves up the "Hill of Mud" Diggity steps into the mud and sinks down to her knees. When she pulls her foot out, WTF no shoes, Tiggy! you have small hands. Reach in that deep dark hole. Oh ya! Now you’re talking! Now, what was I writing about....oh ya the "Hill of Mud”. The pack is slipping and falling trying to make it up the hill. Halley steps back to enjoy the spectacle. Tiggy yells "I can't make it." Postage yells were hashers we don't leave anybody behind. Well, except for Lazy, if he was here, he's on his own. But that's it. Voice chimes in "What about MudPacker?" Well, Lazy would need company, so ya MudPacker. But that's it, everybody else up the hill. What about Celery? “Dammit. Every hasher for themselves." Popeye jumps up to assist Tiggy and gives her ass a push up the hill. What a Trooper. Meanwhile, Halley looks to his left, hmm, is that a clearing down there. He makes his way down past the hill and finds a path on the other side. while the other hashers are clawing there way up the hill. Pretty soon as they make it to the top; you hear "Grab my hand, I'll help you the rest of the way." as they look up "Yes well played" Halley is now watching the spectacle from above. There is small whisper from the hashers "WTF " We've been Fucked by Whiney.  The runners make it up and destroy the hill, and finally walkers make it. "We have to go up that. This F'n walking trail blows!" Dewey and Hummers make it up the hill and Hummers looks down "Wait a minute isn't that the path we were just on?" Dewey "If I say no, would you feel better?" Ahh, poor walkers. You ask, could it possibly get worse for the walkers? Why yes. Yes, it can. The pack is back on trail following dots on the paved path. Ooh, a Turkey/Eagle split. Finally the walkers get a reprieve. Sadly, not on this F'n Whiney Trail. He didn't have time for marking a Turkey trail so he through down 3 dots then a true arrow on the path. The walkers only had to stay on the path as it wound through the park. Unfortunately it added an additional .5 miles to trail compared to the Eagle trail, because the two eventually merged back to one long ass trail. Oh poor walkers. Trail had many BJs, many false trails that just went 3 dots and stopped. One such 3 dotter, ended with toilet paper hanging on a spider web right before you fell into the water.  Some hashers decided to keep on going and took a plunge into the water. Dewey then Hummers and Disco tried finding trail in the river. Damn, Lemmings; finally Norman wised up and stopped before taking the plunge. Made sure the Lemmings got out of the water and back on true trail. Trail finally left the park and made it into the neighborhood jungle.

Finally, you think trail will be pretty simple from this point until the BS. Nay, it still remained a F'n Trail. Whiney put trail down a Cul-de-sac. Some hashers thought trail went through the yard, but found no marks. Just when it looked like it was a screwed up trail, the hashers found trail on the other side of the street. The marks were on the back of the trees, so you didn't see them until you turned around. I do have to say. A Genius lay of trail. But then trail became screwy. The pack found a true trail arrow and began searching for trail in that direction only to find another true trail arrow a short time later pointing back to where they just came from. Outstanding! Trail was really Fucked at this point, so they kept pressing forward. Luckily, a civilian was out watering his lawn on this hot ass day, so the pack took a break to discuss the whereabouts of a guy running around with a bag of flour with him. The civy was able to provide some valuable info on the direction of the hare. The civy noticing the harriettes were covered in mud and offered to spray them down. After getting a thorough spray down the pack was off on finding trail.

Back at he BS Whiney is beginning to think the pack should be getting here by now. Really! He heads back to the street in the hopes of tracking down the hashers. Whistles were finally heard and FRB Halley and Diggity finally made it to the BS. The BS was finally enjoyed by all the hashers and the discussions were started on how much the F'n trail sucked. Whiney took off to complete the 1 mile trip back to circle finally. Oh ya, the walkers were slightly tired after enjoying there 5 mile run and took the 1 mile autohash ride back to circle. Ah, poor walkers!

Everybody back at circle a few down downs and finally hashshit. 2 hashshits were available and Whiney was given both nominations. Hashshit nominations were closed and Whiney enjoyed both.

Just another F'n Whiney Trail.




Yeah, that's right...a SCORCHING HOT Trail on a Hot Summer Night.
The previous Freaking Dozen BH4 Trails have been South of Hwy 40 or Freaking ILL, so...This is in FLORISSANT on the Missouri River. If you dare you may even cool off in the Muddy MO...NOT!
Expect: Big Shiggy, Big Hills, Big Cans, Big Turkey/Eagle Splits, etc...
Do Not Expect: Metrolink,  Manholes, Mercy
Hares: Winey Bitch and Mystery Hare
Venue:  Sunset Park on Sunset Park Drive in Florissant, MO

View Larger Map

Take I-270 from anywhere (e.g. via I-70W ---> I-170N ---> I-270W from Downtown St. Louis)
TURN NORTH on N. Lindbergh Blvd., North 1.8 miles
TURN LEFT on Patterson Rd., Go 0.8 miles
TURN LEFT at Humes Rd., Go 1 mile
CONTINUE STRAIGHT on Sunset Park Dr., Go 0.8 miles
CONTINUE STRAIGHT down the hill and park at the bottom

On After: Deaver's Restaurant, 2109 Charbonier Road, Florissant, MO‎ - (314) 838-0002 ("The Best Place in North County" All Night HAPPY HOUR...Top Shelf EVERYTHING!!!)

Big Hump Hash House Harriers - St. Louis, Missouri - Established 1999