"If you suck some of that juice, I'll give you a bump"

First of all, let me say, there are a lot of Wendy's in Missouri.  I drove
past three in order to get to the trail in Cottleville.  We only have 1 in
Illinois and none around the Central West End where I work.  I had their
Blue Cheese Burger the other day and it was really good, but I kind of
felt jipped because they only put a little blue cheese on it and then some
blue cheese tasting sauce.  I was not fooled.  Sure it tasted good, but I
couldn't help but feel ripped off a little.  Kind of like when you get a
package of those peanut butter cheese crackers and one of them doesn't
have any filling in it.  Or this one time when I was a kid, we got a box
of Oatmeal Cream Pies and none of them had any filling.  You would think
that since the cookie part of the OCP is really good that just the cookie
part with no filling would be awesome, but it wasn't.  Apparently the
cookie part needs the cream part in order to not go all to shit.

Secondly, I pulled up to the hash.  The only person there was Cock Ring,
which G-spot and I found to be odd because he lives in Bethalto IL and we
were far far away from the east side.  In fact, this was the farthest
that I had ever cum for a hash.  It just narrowly beat out the Famous Anus
hash in Waterloo, IL.  Boy that was a fun hash.  We named Frito Lay Me on
that one.  I think she still needs a cranium band.  We'll have to remember
to give her a 10 run band if she ever cums out again.

Others started to trickle in and the hares showed up decked out in full
costume dress.  The beermeisters brought some good beers, but no Stag.  I
guess I can't curse them because the beer was cold, but they won't get a
second chance.  Do My Butt recommended that I wear pants because of the
poison ivy on trail, so I put my jeans back on.  It was weird running in a
straw skirt and jeans, but at least the jeans weren't wet(see last week's
trash about Just Scott hashing in wet jeans).  Postage Tramp showed up and
we had our first RA committee meeting.  It went something like this.

Gladdy - "I don't want to RA tonight."
Postage - "All right.  Cool."
Gladdy - "Oh yeah, and DMB wins the hashshit tonight."
Postage - "I know.  Like always.  Consider it done"
Gladdy - "Ha Ha...sweet."

We circled up and the hares started chalk talk.  Halfway through Whiney
started to comment and distract them, but they stayed focused. We were
shown a SCS mark, which could only mean Special Cum Shot.  The pack found
this to be strange because it did not sound that appealing.  No further
explanation was given though.  After a flour blessing, the hares took off
in three different directions to confuse the pack.  Unfortunately though
it was daylight and we could see them, and they all met up again about 50
yards away clearly visible to the pack.  On-Out!

We trailed the hares through some parking lots, over a giant topsoil hill,
and then through some rough weeded shiggy.  Just Amy was heard saying, "So
this is what shiggy is.  I had only just read about it."  Apparently
pavement pounding hashes are a little more common nowadays.  We ran some
more and came across a lost Lazy Ass.  We asked him for beer and then
moved on to a Turkey Eagle Split we he reported that he had none.  Eagle
into the dark woods or Turkey along the bike path?  Hmmmm.  We chose the
Eagle and found a very well marked trail through some cool shiggy.  We
then meandered across a creek and into a soccer match.  I don't like being
teased by 10 year olds.  Comments like "nice skirt fairy", "only idiots
run in jeans", and "Mommy he's coming at me" really aren't very nice and
can hurt feelings.  We found the beer stop about 50 yards past the
original Turkey Eagle split.  Beer was available via a garbage sack with
ice in it and we dove right in.  I never fails to amaze me how eager I am
at this stage in my life to grab or drink beer out of garbage receptacles.
Hummers and DMB broke out the lambada stick and people began to lambada
under it.  Or is that limbo?  Ah, who the fuck cares.  Mother Abraham
showed the pack just how limber she is by bending over backwards and
putting her hands on the ground.  Truly impressive!  Everyone sucked at
limbo, except Disco Ass, Just Amy, Hit By A Car, and Mother Abraham.  I
can't remember who won but it was between Just Amy and Mother Abraham.
Ask them for a demonstration the next time you see them.  Just ask them to
limbo under your pole and see what happens.  Pole.  After another
semi-cold Natty Light, we wandered our way back, peed in a trash can, got
lost, and then found trail.  With glowing neon lights ahead, we thought we
could be approaching the SCS.  And sure enough, we were there.  At a snow
cone hut.  I got an Orange Dream and had Do My Butt pour some rum in it.
It kind of liquified, but still tasted all right.  Garage A Tois came over
with a full cone and Do My Butt stated, "If you suck some of that juice,
I'll give you a bump!"  What followed next was the hottest thing I've
ever seen at a hash.  Too bad you weren't there.

When we made it back to the circle, it was about 9:15 and the kitchen of
the on-after was set to close at 9:30.  Postage promised the hares a short
circle to be able to get into the on-after to get food , but he was only
lying.  This was fine by me because I had plenty of pretzel rods to eat
and plenty of cold beer in the parking lot.  The usual down downs were
given out with a few new ones and everyone drank.  Purple Muffin Stuffin'
delighted us with her new Songmeistress abilities when Postage asked her
for a song and she replied with, "These guys are wanks!"  Crimes on trail
were brought up which thoroughly confused everyone as to the difference
between an accusation and a nomination, and what the difference was
between a crime on trail and a hashshit nomination.  I still haven't
figured it out.  Lots of people were nominated but it came down to DMB for
the unhare-like behavior of telling me the truth about the amount of
poison ivy on trail and for Just Andy for wearing protective shop glasses
on trial to protect his eyes from the shiggy.  Although Postage Tramp
wanted to award it to Do My Butt and the Hares, the crowd cheered louder
for Just Andy.  And he drank it.  And then I went home.  Don't know what
happened at the on-after, but as for me, I was a little buzzed so G-spot
took the wheel.  I rambled on and on about the traditions of hashing and
how great I thought Jerry Reed was in the Smokey and The Bandit movies and
then I reminded G-spot about the Pee Spot.  The Pee Spot is a magical
place just off of New Poag Road on the way into Edwardsville.  There is a
little driveway next to an automatic sprinkler of a sod farm that I like
to stop and pee at on my way home from hashes.  One time I got stuck there
because it had been raining and I pulled my car a little too far in and it
got stuck.  I tried sticking whatever I had in my trunk under the front
right tire to try to get it unstuck but nothing worked.  I tried old beer
boxes, a stocking cap, and a defused grenade from my halloween costume in
2006, but I couldn't get out.  I had to call G-spot to come and pick me
up.  We didn't get stuck this time though.  It was awesome!

GladHeAteHer