Exactly 11 years after the very first Big Hump Hash, a group of St. Patty’s day revelers gathered just outside The Arena Bar in Dogtown in all states of sobriety. Some had strolled on over to the start from the nearby festivities while those poor souls who had slaved away at work all day were eager to get their swerve on.
Without a first, second or third string RA in attendance, yours truly took to commencing chalk talk and getting the hares away. The virgins were debriefed and the pack was out. We ran down the hill towards Manchester. A few checks here and there, on across the top of the always photogenic River Des Peres. Ho Hum was surprisingly fleet of foot despite sporting denim and penny loafers.
A few chick checks were solved, Mother Abraham doing what she does best to satisfy the masses. We bypassed the Dogtown institution known as Nick’s Pub then into the heart of the area that had earlier witnessed the St. Pat’s celebrations. Most managed to avoid the detritus of the evidence of a wild parade and debauchery fest. Eventually the Eagles in the group crossed path with the Turkeys, led by Mr. Lazy Ass himself. He deftly negotiated most of the neighborhood’s dramatic hills.
Finally we arrived at the beer stop in Franz Park. Luckily Burning Asshole showed up with Little Miss Burning Asshole and a few beers to boot. Beermeister through and through, that BA. Pleasantries were exchanged among the pack with Whiney Bitch and Fartfignugen generously dispensing personal grooming tips to the mustache virgins in attendance. The pack was on out again, running us down Prather and past Casa de Disco. We dashed through some darkened alleys, back up more shitty hills then back across Tamm. At this point, we encountered 30 of St. Louis’ Finest doing their best impression of police. Stink Palm was not amused.
The pack crossed back over Hampton and back to A. For the second time in 4 days, the hash had the pleasure of entertaining backsliders Have Bob Will Travel and Short Jerkit. An excellent circle was commenced and expertly executed by Mr. Palm. There were 2 modest virgin ladies, Just Sarah and Just Shamiqua (name changed on account of my lack of memory) and 1 not so modest virgin gentleman, Just Richard who took up the RA’s offer the show a body part. Sick.
Just before the circle was dismissed, Dogtown locals Sextra Credit and Dribbles Between My Legs appeared from the shadows and happily followed the lead of another notorious backslider You Had Me At Herro in a rousing rendition of Swing Row.
All in all, just another shitty St. Patrick’s Day trail.
Start: Parking lot off West Park and Pierce. Look for hashers.
What should you bring: Guinness. Spelled correctly.
ID on Trail: Always.
Directions: From Hwy 40 exit Kingshighway South. Make a left onto Oakland, a left onto Hampton and follow to West Park and make another left. No, this is not a circle jerk.
On-After: Pat's, on the corner of Oakland and Tamm.
you get lost call Fisty at 314-302-3708 or Mustache at 618-593-6744.