Have you ever sat around and wondered ... "Hmmm...after all these years of hashing, what has Cliff Bangher learned and gained?" Well, I have, and if you attended the Whiney/Dribbles/Stinky hash last night, you & I found out! After years and years of practicing diligently, Cliffy can now do a 100% dead-on impression of Whiney B$%ch's whiney description of "what did you think of trail?" Every hasher was amazed when they looked over and it was Cliffy complaining about trail, not WHINEY.
It was truly one of the most fun, shiggiest, barbed-wire-est, smokiest, twiggiest, happiest hashes ever. We started at the Stratford Inn parking lot, with many more hashers braving these below zero temps than I ever thought possible. Apparently ALPO arrived an hour late, decided his brown leather shoes and black sweatpants were too pretty to hash in, so proceeded to get liquored up at the SI.
Whiney gave at least a 22-minute long hash chalk, then reiterated it all for the virgins, Dribbles got drowned in some flour, and Stinky was excited to celebrate his birthday with some hot hares, virgins, and backsliders. They were off, and Rudy sang lots of songs and ran around in his so-dark-I-thought-he-was-black bare legs in circle. Oh yeah, there was a lot of talk about hand warmers and feet warmers and junk warmers and stuff...cuz it was cold.
Off we went, passed about 69 chick checks (noone flashed that I saw, even though there were some damn fine chicks there last night), ran (stumbled) up mountains, hills, valleys, canyons, River Chase parking lots, industrial parks, woods, check-backs, oceans, then we got to a HH (I think the explanation was that Dribbles set trail the wrong way, Whiney got pissed and started beating her, so they set a HH to not confuse the virgins). I think there was a Turkey eagle, and maybe Just Chuck, this girl, and Cliffy were FRB to the beer stop...which was a huge 17 foot arching flaming bonfire!!!!!!! Noone brought weiners, which was really the only reason I came to the hash. However, speaking of weiners, Dribbles had a close encounter with death when this big piece of wood liked her eyes and decided to skull-f%&k them!! She liked it for a while but then requested to get it removed by....I don't know her name. I think she was a doctor or a nurse or a stripper. Just Chuck, whiney, and bunch of people drank a lot of red wine at the beer stop.
So then we went through more woods, rocks, creeks, scarce TP marks, black ice/slip n slides to finally the stratford inn parking lot and a very annihilated Rudy!! He remembered every song and dance EXCEPT FRB's. Maybe next time. We saw some guy's weiner, and Bozo & Dewey taught us the fine art of BLOW JOB EYES. Make sure you get a demonstration next time you see those ladies. Great to see some familiar faces!!!! Halley's comet, GB, PF, 2FC....Love it! Somebody got 100 runs...who was it...?
Amazing night..then they all went to see the Stratford Inn strippers. Shitty trail hares!!!!