Lizzardo’s 23rd Going Away Hash
Okay. It’s probably not that many, but damn close. Every time we think he’s gone for good, he comes back.
However, I can’t complain. If you are leaving, send yourself out in style. Send yourself out with GOOD beer or at least give us hashers that are staying here some good beer. And I drank my fair share of it….and I watched Postage drink his fair share, plus two more.
We circled up in South Shitty at a pavilion in Tower Grove Park. That place is a maze and there are 10,000 different pavilions so it wasn’t exactly easy to find. However, when you see coolers of beer, Lizzardo skulking about, a bald ogre, and a dude with a wad of money and a big clipboard, you are generally in the right place.
Lizzardo engaged us in chalk talk and then was off with an 8 minute head start. Yes, I said 8 minutes. Knowing Lizzardo as we all do, we know that he lives for the long trails. That may not bother those long-legged fuckers, marathoners, River-to-Riverers, triathletes, or Iron Men/Women, but it bothered me. It’s a nice, autumn day in November….why would I want to run? So, I didn’t.
I have no clue where the runners went, probably in and out of Tower Grove Park for 8 miles. The walkers went across the park and into the Tin Can. The Tin Can is a crushing disappointment after you’ve been drinking Fat Tire and beers imported from afar or the nearest liquor store. You can’t help but have a shitty beer, like Olympia, Hamms, PBR Lite, the Beast, or Stroh’s since it’s so cheap. And I did…and it was quite refreshing (I made that up—not refreshing at all).
We stayed at the Tin Can for a little while, Dewey finally showed up, and then we left. We followed the sidewalk for about 5 miles down to Grand, or so it felt. There was an impromptu beer stop…I think. Maybe that was the second beer stop….I’m not sure. The walkers went along their merry way down the sidewalk, into Lizzardo’s apartment, up and down the stairs, and out into the alley.
Another 5 miles later and back at the park, we circled up. Postage gave us a brief circle—I mean brief by Postage standards. Lizzardo was acknowledged for his shitty trail/good beer. Whiney bitched about the trail, OCD bitched about the germs and GayBlade just bitched. Business as usual at the Big Hump. Virgins were acknowledged and 10 run cranium bands were given out to Seize Her Salad and someone else (I can’t remember—beer or memory loss, you decide). There was a trial by down down for the hash shit. Lizzardo vs. Hymen Hunter. Guess who won that one? I’ll give you a hint….it’s not the “too good looking one.”
Off we went to the on after, which was Blackthorn. Good pizza, even though you have to wait an hour. Well worth the wait. Everyone seemed to be good and liquored up. I watched Ricky rub OCD’s boob for an hour to see if he could “hang a hat on it,” Just Shubra play air hockey and manage to hurt herself while doing so and Hymen Hunter put away what seemed to be a entire large pizza.
I managed to stumble out of the bar reasonably early….early for me. As drunk as I was, I’m 99% sure I did NOT break Goat Fucker’s mirror.
Good luck and bon voyage, Lizzardo.