Ugh. So I wake up this morning and I'm like,
"why the hell do my legs hurt?"
Oh wait, it's 'cause I attended the famous ASS Family Hash last night in
goddamn Overland Missouri.
Random
ruminations on the evening ... because I cannot bring myself to form a
narrative structure with this trash:
Lazy
Ass's brother told the best joke I've heard at a hash in years.
Just
Jackie's ass was unveiled just for this blessed occasion. 'Twas nice.
Jaundice
Junk and the lady with the yippy dogs were quite annoying yesterday. What's her name? oh yeah, Numb Buns. She disrupted circle trying to pull out
(haha, pull out), and then spent the whole hash driving around. BTW, that dude's name should
totally be Jaundice Junk. Remember those
yellow shorts?
Remember
when FSAS locked all the beer in her mom van!??!? Dude, that sucked, I was about to go get a
big rock.
What was
up with those kids from Kentucky that Stinky was hanging out with? I mean, they were cool and all, but where the
fuck did they come from. They gave me
this highly caffeinated soft drink called "Ski" that had me going for
the rest of the evening. Most of those
drinks list caffeine as one of the last ingredients, but no, Ski lists it fifth.
Check
Back 21!?!? What the F? We should have just followed the hares right
off the bat.
How many
goddam hares were there? Alpo, FSAS,
PackHer Ass, Burning Asshole (who got a monster antiquing at the hands of the
RA btw), Lazy Ass, frickin some other guy whose ass name I don't remember.
But they
did lay a shitty trail. I was behind
most everyone getting to know the virgins and taking things at my own typical
pace. As we were running, I remarked to
Gladdy, "This is totally the worst part about hashing" ......
"what, the running?" ..... "yeah, all the other parts are
flippin sweet"
The one
bit of shiggy was noice.
Bozo's
Wet Dream: "Are my aureola's too big?!?" No, they're just about the right size. Did she ever get de-flowered?
I almost
got run over on Page. GoatFucker
abdicated leadership of our mini pack to me because he said I was "the
most experienced hasher"
among us
... a scary thought.
I ended
up the night going to this joint called Rhonda's with Just Jackie, Just
Lindsay, BattleShit Gallactica, and Hummers where we enjoyed strippers who
danced to whatever the hell we wanted, as long as it was "slow". One blonde was pretty hot, I thought, but the
other one, in Hummers's words, was "too clunky." I believe I took three shots of tequila with
my new best friend Just Jackie and just generally had a great time.
Bozo's
my new sugar momma. She actually bought
a cheeseburger FOR ME!
That's incredible. I think I ate the tail end of AlpO's burger
too.
Good
stuff.
There
were some boobs shown post-circle, it's a shame so many of y'all rushed off to
the on-after, Just Chris (I think) was shoving her boobs into just about
everyone's face who wanted 'em.
Hey,
Circle was pretty well under control this time!!! At least that's what I could tell.
Who got
hash shit? Was it Nurse or Gladdy? Oh wait, they did a trial by downdown at the
beginning. Hmmm ... I remember pouring a
bunch of my beer into the bedpan, but who ended up getting it and why? .....
I think
it was Nurse. I don't know why.
All in
all, shitty hash!!
OnOn!!!
Faithfully
yours,
-Cum It
Out
.