Ugh. So I wake up this morning and I'm like, "why the hell do my legs hurt?" Oh wait, it's 'cause I attended the famous ASS Family Hash last night in goddamn Overland Missouri.
Random ruminations on the evening ... because I cannot bring myself to form a narrative structure with this trash:
Lazy Ass's brother told the best joke I've heard at a hash in years.
Just Jackie's ass was unveiled just for this blessed occasion. 'Twas nice.
Jaundice Junk and the lady with the yippy dogs were quite annoying yesterday. What's her name? oh yeah, Numb Buns. She disrupted circle trying to pull out (haha, pull out), and then spent the whole hash driving around. BTW, that dude's name should totally be Jaundice Junk. Remember those yellow shorts?
Remember when FSAS locked all the beer in her mom van!??!? Dude, that sucked, I was about to go get a big rock.
What was up with those kids from Kentucky that Stinky was hanging out with? I mean, they were cool and all, but where the fuck did they come from. They gave me this highly caffeinated soft drink called "Ski" that had me going for the rest of the evening. Most of those drinks list caffeine as one of the last ingredients, but no, Ski lists it fifth.
Check Back 21!?!? What the F? We should have just followed the hares right off the bat.
How many goddam hares were there? Alpo, FSAS, PackHer Ass, Burning Asshole (who got a monster antiquing at the hands of the RA btw), Lazy Ass, frickin some other guy whose ass name I don't remember.
But they did lay a shitty trail. I was behind most everyone getting to know the virgins and taking things at my own typical pace. As we were running, I remarked to Gladdy, "This is totally the worst part about hashing" ...... "what, the running?" ..... "yeah, all the other parts are flippin sweet"
The one bit of shiggy was noice.
Bozo's Wet Dream: "Are my aureola's too big?!?" No, they're just about the right size. Did she ever get de-flowered?
I almost got run over on Page. GoatFucker abdicated leadership of our mini pack to me because he said I was "the most experienced hasher"
among us ... a scary thought.
I ended up the night going to this joint called Rhonda's with Just Jackie, Just Lindsay, BattleShit Gallactica, and Hummers where we enjoyed strippers who danced to whatever the hell we wanted, as long as it was "slow". One blonde was pretty hot, I thought, but the other one, in Hummers's words, was "too clunky." I believe I took three shots of tequila with my new best friend Just Jackie and just generally had a great time.
Bozo's my new sugar momma. She actually bought a cheeseburger FOR ME!
That's incredible. I think I ate the tail end of AlpO's burger too.
There were some boobs shown post-circle, it's a shame so many of y'all rushed off to the on-after, Just Chris (I think) was shoving her boobs into just about everyone's face who wanted 'em.
Hey, Circle was pretty well under control this time!!! At least that's what I could tell.
Who got hash shit? Was it Nurse or Gladdy? Oh wait, they did a trial by downdown at the beginning. Hmmm ... I remember pouring a bunch of my beer into the bedpan, but who ended up getting it and why? .....
I think it was Nurse. I don't know why.
All in all, shitty hash!!
-Cum It Out