Big Hump HHH
trash for #805
The
Vegetable Hash
So we
gathered up in West County behind Banana Pepper's (AKA Whiney Bitch) place of
employ. Banana Pepper said he hoped
there were no security cameras behind the building and told us all not to mess
up any of the company trucks. Ummm,
OK…..how exactly would we "mess up a truck" by standing near it
drinking beer?
Oh
well. The hares Banana Pepper and Witty
Bitty Kitty Itty Shitty Mitty Carrot Committee brought arts and crafts for the
vegetable hash. A cooler full of water
had floating peppers in it….Banana Pepper swore he had washed it out first…uh
huh. Anyhooo, the idea was, you had to
bob for peppers, ya know, stick your face in and grab a pepper using only your
mouth. Then the pepper was strung on a
string of yarn and you wore it like a necklace. Weird.
But funny…Mother Theresa I thought was the best at it, using a suave
tongue swirl in the water to position the pepper just right. I sported some wood watching it.
Yeah, so
after a typically confusing chalk talk involving 3 turkey / eagle splits, we
questioned the teenaged sister of Witty, Just Rachel, after the hares were
away. She told us about losing her
virginity last month and about being called a whore by a Kirkwood soccer mom
when she was only 14. Then she showed
her boobs. I felt like a dirty old
man…which….of course….I am. But the
story that got the name juice flowing was her big sis Witty giving her vibe as
a gift. I saw a porn with that as the
story line once. So we named her Hand Me
Down Whore. ...wait, was that it? Oh
crap, now I can't remember exactly.
Somebody correct it if it's wrong.
On out we
were, into a creek, and out of the creek and back into it, making loops through
office building parking lots, check back 11 by a community pool of some kind
with cat calls by old ladies, down a power line hill, and finally a beer stop
in a suburban nightmare of apartment buildings.
Norman Bates
and Buttsucker got lost on trail…but you already knew that.
Then a long
circle with veggie trays and cheesy poofs…what a combination!! Then we decided to name Just John…you know
him, the guy who always tries to "win" the hash. He was chock full of bizaare stories…the best
one being a time when he got on a bus from the Girls Gone Wild video series and
humped one of their pillows. ???? I
dunno, I wasn't really listening any more at that point. We named him Pillow Fucker. Hehehehe.
Hymen Hunter
won hash shit because he's apparently one hot mo-fo….so sayeth Shot By a
Whore. Not sure if Shot's girlfriend
Sponge Bath Shaved Pants agrees, but that's really none of my business. Whatever floats your boat dude.
Finally no
Po Po showed up and it felt good to change clothes, dry off and not have wet
balls. We craniumed to Malones for bad
burgers, good fried chicken and more beer.
All in all it was a shitty veggie trail.
Disrespectfully
Submitted,
Ricky’s Crab
Shack
IWOOAIW20YAIJWPTO
.