Big Hump HHH trash for #805
The Vegetable Hash
So we gathered up in West County behind Banana Pepper's (AKA Whiney Bitch) place of employ. Banana Pepper said he hoped there were no security cameras behind the building and told us all not to mess up any of the company trucks. Ummm, OK…..how exactly would we "mess up a truck" by standing near it drinking beer?
Oh well. The hares Banana Pepper and Witty Bitty Kitty Itty Shitty Mitty Carrot Committee brought arts and crafts for the vegetable hash. A cooler full of water had floating peppers in it….Banana Pepper swore he had washed it out first…uh huh. Anyhooo, the idea was, you had to bob for peppers, ya know, stick your face in and grab a pepper using only your mouth. Then the pepper was strung on a string of yarn and you wore it like a necklace. Weird. But funny…Mother Theresa I thought was the best at it, using a suave tongue swirl in the water to position the pepper just right. I sported some wood watching it.
Yeah, so after a typically confusing chalk talk involving 3 turkey / eagle splits, we questioned the teenaged sister of Witty, Just Rachel, after the hares were away. She told us about losing her virginity last month and about being called a whore by a Kirkwood soccer mom when she was only 14. Then she showed her boobs. I felt like a dirty old man…which….of course….I am. But the story that got the name juice flowing was her big sis Witty giving her vibe as a gift. I saw a porn with that as the story line once. So we named her Hand Me Down Whore. ...wait, was that it? Oh crap, now I can't remember exactly. Somebody correct it if it's wrong.
On out we were, into a creek, and out of the creek and back into it, making loops through office building parking lots, check back 11 by a community pool of some kind with cat calls by old ladies, down a power line hill, and finally a beer stop in a suburban nightmare of apartment buildings.
Norman Bates and Buttsucker got lost on trail…but you already knew that.
Then a long circle with veggie trays and cheesy poofs…what a combination!! Then we decided to name Just John…you know him, the guy who always tries to "win" the hash. He was chock full of bizaare stories…the best one being a time when he got on a bus from the Girls Gone Wild video series and humped one of their pillows. ???? I dunno, I wasn't really listening any more at that point. We named him Pillow Fucker. Hehehehe.
Hymen Hunter won hash shit because he's apparently one hot mo-fo….so sayeth Shot By a Whore. Not sure if Shot's girlfriend Sponge Bath Shaved Pants agrees, but that's really none of my business. Whatever floats your boat dude.
Finally no Po Po showed up and it felt good to change clothes, dry off and not have wet balls. We craniumed to Malones for bad burgers, good fried chicken and more beer. All in all it was a shitty veggie trail.
Ricky’s Crab Shack