Man, it's
hard to write trash when you really don't remember much of what happened at
the hash, and even less of what happened at the on-after. (And I remember 2
things about the on-on after -- taking over the programming of Full Service's
iPod and walking into a living room of hashers watching porn. On a very large
television set.) So, I'll
start at the beginning. We pulled
up to the parking lot of the Rec Room in South County to find a gaggle of
forlorn-looking hashers standing against the brick trying to keep out of the
sun, and trying to keep their watermelon balls cool. And trying to digest
Milwaukee's Shittiest. Many
latecummers were in attendance, including Blows Like A Freight Train and
Follow the Urine Trail. Several
visitors were in attendance, namely TuTu Fairy, re-founder of the CoMotion
Hash, and his two charges, Nipplehaulic and Runs With Dildos. They drove all
the way from Columbia, Missouri to hash. Get a life!! Next, Numb
Buns pulled up. Her minivan door opened, and out poured about 25 teenage
boys. Ok,
apparently they were "legal" and there was really more like 5 of
them, but still. One of them is soon to be married, and they all thought
cumming the hash would be a fun way to celebrate. Apparently they didn't have
strip club cash. Our
illustrious hashaholic RA Fuck Me Rudolph led circle, and the hares were
away. After fiftee, er thirty-five minutes, the pack was off to find trail.
What they found was a check back 20. Suckers. Then we
went into the woods. Full Service and I decided to be leisurely and enjoy the
sites of SoCo. As we walked into the brush, we saw the Numb Bun Boys (hereby
known as NBB) and Runs With Dildo (who was supposed to be taking 5 Bucks and
Fiddler's place as FRB) had blown straight through a blow job and lost trail.
I tried to explain to them that they had hit a dead end, and should turn back
around, but boys being boys, the paid me never no mind. And they
were never seen again. Until end circle, anyway. Because so
many racist wankers couldn't find true trail, FSAS and I ended up making the
Beer Halt. Of course, all the racist wankers who did find true trail were
tired of waiting for 2 more people to show up and drink the rest of the
toasty warm Griesedieck Bros. "pilsener", but, what are ya gonna
do? Finally,
the beer stop. In some park in SoCo on a spot overlooking the Merasippisouri
River. Cold Stag this time. Much, much better. Returning
to circle, the NBB boys had "caught" the hares laying the last part
of trail and marveled at how the hares had gotten so far ahead of everyone. I
don't really understand that part, but, ok. End circle
was done, people were called in for being dumbasses and shit like that.
Whiney Bitch was pissed about something and Fe Fe stood around smiling and
BAU (that means "business as usual"). Then virgins were grilled,
Nipplehaulic showed her boobs, which were very nice, but the NBB didn't show
anything. Seems a bit unfair. Cock Ring
had a 10 run band adorned by Ms. Haulic. Then TuTu
was called into circle for getting the hell out of Misery. Then he goes and
tells us that THIS wasn't his last Big Hump hash, NEXT WEDNESDAY is his Big
Hump Hash. Tutu, how can we miss you if you never leave? Rudy got
Hashshit for stopping on trail to pet some couple's Irish Wolfhound, and
Pastage got it for something else equally stupid. There was a trial by
down-down, and the senior RA pulled it out again. Sorry Rudy, there's always
tomorrow. And the next day. And the next day. The pack
retired to The Bean House to eat free chips and salsa all night, watch the
NBB's lay on the ground next to their van, and drink a nice share of
margaritas. That's what I did, anyway. I think everybody else ate and talked. Then some
of the pack came back to Lock Nut and Full Service's place for more imbibing,
beer pong, porn, and more beer pong. Then I
woke up at 1:30 the next day and made it out of bed by 5. Yours
Always, |