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Saturday 07/25/2009 #799

PMS and Dapper Tramp @ South

Hash Trash:

Man, it's hard to write trash when you really don't remember much of what happened at the hash, and even less of what happened at the on-after. (And I remember 2 things about the on-on after -- taking over the programming of Full Service's iPod and walking into a living room of hashers watching porn. On a very large television set.)


So, I'll start at the beginning.


We pulled up to the parking lot of the Rec Room in South County to find a gaggle of forlorn-looking hashers standing against the brick trying to keep out of the sun, and trying to keep their watermelon balls cool. And trying to digest Milwaukee's Shittiest.

Many latecummers were in attendance, including Blows Like A Freight Train and Follow the Urine Trail.


Several visitors were in attendance, namely TuTu Fairy, re-founder of the CoMotion Hash, and his two charges, Nipplehaulic and Runs With Dildos. They drove all the way from Columbia, Missouri to hash. Get a life!!


Next, Numb Buns pulled up. Her minivan door opened, and out poured about 25 teenage boys.


Ok, apparently they were "legal" and there was really more like 5 of them, but still. One of them is soon to be married, and they all thought cumming the hash would be a fun way to celebrate. Apparently they didn't have strip club cash.


Our illustrious hashaholic RA Fuck Me Rudolph led circle, and the hares were away. After fiftee, er thirty-five minutes, the pack was off to find trail. What they found was a check back 20. Suckers.


Then we went into the woods. Full Service and I decided to be leisurely and enjoy the sites of SoCo. As we walked into the brush, we saw the Numb Bun Boys (hereby known as NBB) and Runs With Dildo (who was supposed to be taking 5 Bucks and Fiddler's place as FRB) had blown straight through a blow job and lost trail. I tried to explain to them that they had hit a dead end, and should turn back around, but boys being boys, the paid me never no mind.


And they were never seen again. Until end circle, anyway.


Because so many racist wankers couldn't find true trail, FSAS and I ended up making the Beer Halt. Of course, all the racist wankers who did find true trail were tired of waiting for 2 more people to show up and drink the rest of the toasty warm Griesedieck Bros. "pilsener", but, what are ya gonna do?


Finally, the beer stop. In some park in SoCo on a spot overlooking the Merasippisouri River. Cold Stag this time. Much, much better.


Returning to circle, the NBB boys had "caught" the hares laying the last part of trail and marveled at how the hares had gotten so far ahead of everyone. I don't really understand that part, but, ok.


End circle was done, people were called in for being dumbasses and shit like that. Whiney Bitch was pissed about something and Fe Fe stood around smiling and BAU (that means "business as usual"). Then virgins were grilled, Nipplehaulic showed her boobs, which were very nice, but the NBB didn't show anything. Seems a bit unfair.


Cock Ring had a 10 run band adorned by Ms. Haulic.


Then TuTu was called into circle for getting the hell out of Misery. Then he goes and tells us that THIS wasn't his last Big Hump hash, NEXT WEDNESDAY is his Big Hump Hash. Tutu, how can we miss you if you never leave?


Rudy got Hashshit for stopping on trail to pet some couple's Irish Wolfhound, and Pastage got it for something else equally stupid. There was a trial by down-down, and the senior RA pulled it out again. Sorry Rudy, there's always tomorrow. And the next day. And the next day.


The pack retired to The Bean House to eat free chips and salsa all night, watch the NBB's lay on the ground next to their van, and drink a nice share of margaritas. That's what I did, anyway. I think everybody else ate and talked.


Then some of the pack came back to Lock Nut and Full Service's place for more imbibing, beer pong, porn, and more beer pong.


Then I woke up at 1:30 the next day and made it out of bed by 5.


Yours Always,
Strap On Strap Off




We'll be starting from the Rec Room on Telegraph.

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Big Hump Hash House Harriers - St. Louis, Missouri - Established 1999