Big Hump HHH trash for #790
The Ball Buster version 2009
It was a sultry, lazy summer
Saturday afternoon in June, when the Big Hump gathered in
We were promised a shiggy-fied supertrail with 3 or 4 beer stops. Bug spray was passed around and we were all instructed to insert dryer sheets in our shorts. I'm still unclear on the purpose of that …was it to cut down on poison ivy, ticks, skeeters, chiggers, soccer moms, or just sticky, sweaty nether regions with static cling????? Apparently dryer sheets definitely have an effect of making hashers poop on trail, as there was plenty of that going on. I dunno…I just thought it was weird enough to mention.
The trail was all pre-laid, and our last instructions before sucking it up and craniuming out was from FARTFIGNUGEN who said, "Don't try to swim the river, it came up 4 feet yesterday and it's too dangerous. Wait for the boat." (More on that to come.)
47 miles later, we came to the
first beer stop …a "floating" marina / bar / dock / Jeff Co
On out we were again, pavement pounding through more neighborhoods with hilly streets -- WHERE'S THE EFFIN SHIGGY??? So far, the most distinctive thing about this trail was the blow jobs laid down about 1/4 mile from checks. Hehehee …SOOOOO glad I'm not a front runner. Up a big hill to beer stop # 2. JAILBATE says "a quarter mile to a BJ …so demoralizing." I hear ya Jailbate …I hear ya. At beer stop #2, water and G2 seemed more appealing than beer …WHHHAAAAAAA????? Is this a hash? Some of us forced down a beer anyway and then the Fart's offered the pack a compromise. If we ran the rest of the trail "clothing optional" they would go in front of us and sweep the rest of the checks to make it a little easier. Well, since we only had 3 harriettes running trail, the nude ratio seemed more un-appealing than continuing to let Jailbate and LOCK NUT MONSTER solve the super long checks, so we opted for the status quo. Hehehe…fast fuckers, serves you right.
More pavement pounding hills,
more sweating, more cursing, grunting and cramping. EAT A
BLOODY BITCH, in town for this trail, says "I prepared for this by
losing trail in
Oh god…we gotta cranium out for
another segment. "Come on legs…you
can do it…don't give up now" I was thinking to myself. Geezus …are my balls busted yet? PMS's
apparently were, as she joined the auto hashers for the finish, but we still
had ICHY and MOTHER TERESA representin' the ball-less ball busters. (I'm assuming neither of them have
Where's the boat?
Well, Fart is trying to row it across. Seriously? If I hadn't been so wiped, it would've been funny. 3 trolling motor batteries failed to get the boat across, so Fart resorted to paddling an aluminum john boat across to ferry the pack. As we pushed the first load back into the current, the boat was drafting water up to the gunwales, with 2 hashers paddling furiously to make progress against the current. I was happy to NOT be in the first load, as I thought this might very likely have a tragically bad ending. Swimming, although we were warned against it, seemed like a better option. Cramping was likely though, so everyone but LNM waited our turn. He went ahead and swam it anyway.
Once safely ferried across the river, we had just one more big hill to go …but LIZZARDO to the rescue!! He had went ahead and brought a car down as some of us chose to autohash the last 1/2 mile up hill. THANK FRIKKIN GOD!!!
4.5 hours later, we were a whipped bunch of ballbusted puppies. Garden hose showers were taken and dry clothes were donned. We circled up in the drive way …in chairs. One of the few times I was happy to have sitting in circle allowed. A couple 69 cranium bands and a 400 for PMS were juiced and tied on. Two hash shits were awarded, one to Fartfignugen for the boat rowing and one to COCK RING for admitting that he had showed up and waited in Belleville the previous night for a Bell Scott hash…failing to notice that the web site had info more than a year old. Yeah, um, you missed that particular hash dude.
Then the Fart's fed us all, and fed us well. Grilled chicken tits, some kind of cole slaw salad and many other carb-loaded goodies were consumed, along with finally more beers.
Some of the memorable quotes:
Pussy Fart: "I think Fart's had one too many beer stops."
STINK PALM: "I think my groin muscle is cramping..how does that happen?"
Random dude in a car: "What's up with all the goofy socks?"
ICHY: "Don't knock the mullet …mullets are cool."
WHINY BITCH: "I didn't have to use leaves, I found a stream close by."
I gotta hand it to ya Pussy Fart
Ricky’s Crab Shack