Hooray for Daylight Grope shots again!
On a warm Spring Eve., in a parking lot bound for no where, I met up with the hashers. We were all too drunk to drink …What?
Nevermind. Someday I’ll write trash to “The Gambler”, but not today.
If there were water crossings, I could have written this in Pirate lingo, but as it is I’ll just tell you what I want to recall…
The Cum family came out in full force and delivered. Cum Goggles, Orgy Cum Dumpster, Duzzy Cum, Frozen Cum Shot, and Cum It Out (pre?) laid a shitty, non-shiggylicious, South City trail. They apparently needed eye protection for this trail, but we didn’t. We were blessed with many virgins. We met Just Andrea, Just Katie, Just Ritchie, Just Teresa, and Just Angela. Just Drew was a born-again virgin, as that was his second hash but he’s still claiming virginity. We circled up and learned of new hash marks and were told to look for the prized turd flubber on trail? Huh? I don’t think the hares knew either.
Our first stop was to serenade Smoking Wiener’s parents. A Hash Halt with tunes? Awesome. Little did we know of the wickedness lurking ahead…
We followed trail like good hashers do and what do we see? Friendly faces with a cooler. Ah, surely this was our first beer stop. But, nooooooooo. We’d been kidnapped, lured with delicious pretzel rods and cold beer. Victimized. Hijacked. Who, you ask, would set up a beer stop 3 blocks before the Cum Shot Stop? Who else? The Fuck family!! 2 Fuck Canuck was in charge of security so none could escape. I’m happy to report that our captors treated us well. Fuck Me Rudolph gave out foot massages, while Fuck Me Pumps held us close in her bosom - or was that just me? (Note to captors – don’t be afraid of gagging or bondage next time.) When they were done having their way with the pack we were off to the REAL stop and a Cum Shot was had by all. Yum. It was O.C.D’s secret repice – not a typo - that’s how she pronounced it.
We were off for some urban shiggy, but only if you zenned across the park to the first real beer stop. Crimes on trail were plentiful. Cliffy pulled out early on trail, while Stink Palm and Mudpacker zenned to Pepper’s to split a bucket. 5Bucks, 5Bucks, 5Bucks and Fiddle Her On the Roof became very close this night. They tiptoed through the tulips and were seen (synchronized) running to the second beer stop. Aw. I displayed Help Me-like behavior and had my dog drag me through city streets. We were off to the second beer stop which was a beautiful city parking lot. Fartfignugen carried back 2 brown turd-like blobs for, well, nothing. Back at start, Burning Asshole saw coolers were empty and went for more. We circled up, beer was consumed, and chips were devoured. Circle had just started and 5Bucks, 5Bucks, 5Bucks had to drink out of Just Drew’s new, flaming red tennis shoes for not warning him about our “traditions”. Then, it was over. The PoPo surrounded us and ended our evening early. We hit Pepper’s for on after.
What didn’t happen:
No hash shits were awarded
No debauchery was spoken of
We were not punished with pints of lager
Racists were not recognized for their efforts in River to River
We were not gratified with virgin round mounds of pleasure
No significant runs were acknowledged
We did not swing low
On On to Hobo Hash…
Full Service Ass Station
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net