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Saturday 04/11/2009 #777

Stink Palm & Meta Arsehole @ The Lucky 7s Polyester Trail

Hash Trash:

On this blessed day I Lizzardo record the past deeds of my heathen brethren, the Big-Hump Hash House harriers, and their festival of depravity the 7th Anal Polyester Hash. Our normal motley crew sporting fashion disasters like the Rickyâs Crab Shack members only jacket, Disco Ass gay pride socks, PMSâs hippy burn out three sizes large pullover, the infamous Big-Hump poncho, the ball sweat infested kilts of Postage Tramp/Cliff Bangher or just Burning Asshole were not enough. On the Saturday before holy Easter Sunday the hash infidels were encouraged by the high priest of fashion nightmares Meta Arsehole to wear their most outrageous eye sores to display in the tranquil neighborhood of north St. Louis. In further disgust Meta enlisted acolyte Stink Palm to help in the debauchery.

I innocently show up to the parking lot in tasteful brown Dior 100% polyester jacket hoping to satisfy the minimum requirements for the hash. Initially greeting me was Pees like a Princess in a disgusting display of beer crime ⦠Stag. Decked out in Ted Nugent knock off shirt at least Princess was more tasteful than his choice of brew. Cliff Bangher was decked in full polyester pimp attire that was only missing fish bowl shoes. Cliff looked like a scrawny Huggy Bear. Speaking of Gei Blades/Rainbow Bear like behavior, Gay Blade graced the hash with his presence looking strangely normal. Lucy I think raided his normal wardrobe for this hash. Norman Bates and Mother Theresa also appeared in normal attire, but since they wear 70âs throw backs for normal clothes it seemed fitting. Duzzy Cum was adorned with an old Big-Hump hash relic from the founding of Big-Hump. I blame the fashion choice on temporary sobriety, which was quickly rectified. Rickyâs Crab Shack look like Herb Tarlek from WKRP in Cincinnati with polyester tie, name tag, his face and Tumbling Dice jacket. So-So was decked out in some Japanese fusion collage of colors that broke the rainbow. Little bow peep showed up in the form of Full Service Ass Station. Locknut Monster provided the Elvis greasy look complete with Grecian formula chest hairs that Pornogenic, PMS and others could not keep their hands off of. Fartinugen showed up in jeans and a T-shirt and brought a virgin but was responsible for the heinous crime of the evening. Flossit with a Faucet also brought three virgins, one equipped with his own beer bong. Needless to say he fit right in.

The banner of hashing indulgence was hung in the form the Big-Hump flag. We circled led by the tan polyester pants of GladHeAteHer as he blessed the hares and we set the pack off on this pre-laid mess of a trail. For those that were not there, North St. Louis looks like a DMZ complete with crumbing buildings, festering trash and decaying landscape. What would be more fitting to complete the picture with a gangle of hashers infesting the neighborhood. Locknut lead the way with FRB block attached to his neck through abandoned buildings, decrepit railroad tracks and Metro stations we ran. Outgoing cardinal fans at first were shocked by the display of hashers but were too liquored up after the onslaught of destruction put down on the Astros by Pujols 7 RBIâs. We limped our way across to the Casino Queen parking lot and partook of more beers. After mild encounters with some of our finest Metro police we decided to sacrifice Stink Palm so no would go to jail or get hit by a PT Cruiser. We scurried our way to the entrance of Luminare Palace and invaded Burger Bar. Bless Meta Arsehole delivering us through temptation of the Stag free bar with a tap of 20 plus tasty brews. Of course at $22 a pitcher they better taste good. We provided the entertainment by cheering on the Cental Missouri/Nebraska womens NCAA bowling championships. Only in Missouri do we enjoy a herd of female bowlers. We attempted to clear out the hashers but they were attached to tasty brew. Then Fartinugen let out this noxious fume out of ass that not only cleared out hashers but the rest of the patrons at Burger Bar. We circled up and started out with the crimes and other things I am making up:

Best Dressed: Full Service Ass Station for little bow peep outfit

Most Tacky Outfit: Rickyâs Crab Shack with name tag.

Least Dressed: Flossit with a Faucet for stripper pole behavior

Hasher whose typical attire most resembles a polyester hash: Disco Ass

Stinkest Ass of the Hash: Fartinugen

Best Beer of the Hash (besides free): Newcastle

Worst Beer of the Hash: Stag

FRB's: Disco Ass, Lizzardo, Locknut (or at least he should have been)

DFL's: PMS and someone else.

All Three Hash Shits: Mr. Stinky Ass Fartfignugen

Must Gullible Hasher: Lizzardo for believing Fartfignugen that Norman Bates had a liver transplant

Lost Property: Lizzardo for sun glasses. No one claimed the toaster.

Pimp Behavior: Cliff bangher (wow a shocker)

Hashers going to Afganastan and no beer for four months: Some Yung Guy

Racists doing River to River: Disco Ass, Lizzardo, So-So, Cliff Bangher, Lucy, Postage Tramp, PMS, Disco Ass (apologize if I missed someone)

On after was at Shady Jacks where we fit right in. I guess Polyester is not that popular with bikers and we scared them off. The local patrons observed the customs of this unholy band as we drank, ate, drank, stripped, drank and â¦. well drank. All in all, just another shitty trail.

Yours humble servant in drunkenness,

Lizzardo


Directions:

Meet at 5:00. Pack away at 5:31.

This Lucky #777 trail will be Meta Areshole's 6th Annual Polyester Trail! This Big-Hump tradition is the 2nd longest-standing annual hash in Big-Hump history (Green Dress being first). Stinky McGimperson will be sharing haring responsibilities as well.

Since this is the polyester hash plan to get to Goodwill before all the best tacky stuff is gone.

There will be more than one beer stop.

Bring your ID and money.


Circle Address: Shady Jacks Saloon - Start, Circle, and On-After

1432 N. Broadway, St. Louis, MO 63102
314-241-HOGG (bar) 314-241-TITS (fax) (I just had to include that. ha!)
3-4 blocks North of the Edward Jones Dome
Metrolink: Convention Center and Laclede's Landing stops are both about 10 blocks away.

Walker/Wheel/Dog Friendly: Fo sho. Just keep your bitches on a leash around the junkyard dawgs. Plus, one hare is a gimp. Not sayin which...

Shiggy/Flashlight: Shouldn't need a flashlight with all the polyester you'll be wearing. If your outfit isn't bright enough, you should be able to catch it on fire pretty easily if you need light. And polyester pants are virtually impervious to shiggy.

Map Link:

View Larger Map

Directions:

From NORTH-ish/Florissant/St. Charles: From I-70 E - Take exit 249C to merge onto N Broadway. Turn left at Biddle St. Turn left at N 3rd St. Continue on N Broadway St. Shady Jack's will be on the right.

From NORTHEAST/E'ville: From 157 S - 3. Merge onto I-270 W via the ramp to St Charles. Take exit 7A for I-255 toward Memphis. Keep left at the fork to continue toward I-255 S and merge onto I-255 S. Take exit 25B to merge onto I-55 S/I-70 W/US-40 W toward St Louis. Take exit 2C to merge onto Martin Luther King Bridge/Veterans Memorial Bridge (Entering Missouri). Continue on N 3rd St. Continue on N Broadway St. Shady Jack's will be on the right.

From SOUTH/Fenton/Sunset Hills/Kirkwood: From I-44 E - Merge onto I-55 N. Take the exit toward S Memorial Dr . Take exit 251C on the left to merge onto S Memorial Dr toward Downtown. Turn left at Market St. Turn right at N 4th St/Mansion House Center. Continue to follow N 4th St. Slight left at N 3rd St. Continue on N Broadway St. Shady Jack's will be on the right.

From Belleville: From S 27th St - Turn right at S 23rd St. Turn right at S Belt W/IL-13. Turn left at N Belt W/IL-13/Old Saint Louis Rd. Take the ramp to IL-15. Keep right at the fork to continue toward IL-15 and merge onto IL-15. Turn right at N 10th St. Turn left at King Dr/Martin Luther King Dr/State St. ontinue to follow Martin Luther King Dr. Continue on Martin Luther King Bridge/Veterans Memorial Bridge (Entering Missouri). Continue on N 3rd St. Continue on N Broadway St. Shady Jack's will be on the right.

From DOWNTOWN: It's on Broadway, near the EJ Dome.

From CENTRAL/Clayton/U. City: Depending on how you want to get into the city - you can follow the "SOUTH" directions from I-44 E.


On-After: Shady Jack's Saloon
1432 N. Broadway, St. Louis, MO 63102
314-241-HOGG (bar) 314-241-TITS (fax)
http://www.shadyjackssaloon.com/


Call Meta Areshole @ 314.393.2072 if you get lost.

Big Hump Hash House Harriers - St. Louis, Missouri - Established 1999