Stink Palm & Meta Arsehole @ The Lucky 7s Polyester Trail
Hash Trash: On this blessed day I Lizzardo record the past deeds of my heathen
brethren, the Big-Hump Hash House harriers, and their festival of
depravity the 7th Anal Polyester Hash. Our normal motley crew sporting
fashion disasters like the Rickyâ€™s Crab Shack members only jacket,
Disco Ass gay pride socks, PMSâ€™s hippy burn out three sizes large
pullover, the infamous Big-Hump poncho, the ball sweat infested kilts
of Postage Tramp/Cliff Bangher or just Burning Asshole were not enough.
On the Saturday before holy Easter Sunday the hash infidels were
encouraged by the high priest of fashion nightmares Meta Arsehole to
wear their most outrageous eye sores to display in the tranquil
neighborhood of north St. Louis. In further disgust Meta enlisted
acolyte Stink Palm to help in the debauchery.
I innocently show up to the parking lot in tasteful brown Dior 100%
polyester jacket hoping to satisfy the minimum requirements for the
hash. Initially greeting me was Pees like a Princess in a disgusting
display of beer crime â€¦ Stag. Decked out in Ted Nugent knock off
shirt at least Princess was more tasteful than his choice of brew.
Cliff Bangher was decked in full polyester pimp attire that was only
missing fish bowl shoes. Cliff looked like a scrawny Huggy Bear.
Speaking of Gei Blades/Rainbow Bear like behavior, Gay Blade graced the
hash with his presence looking strangely normal. Lucy I think raided
his normal wardrobe for this hash. Norman Bates and Mother Theresa also
appeared in normal attire, but since they wear 70â€™s throw backs for
normal clothes it seemed fitting. Duzzy Cum was adorned with an old
Big-Hump hash relic from the founding of Big-Hump. I blame the fashion
choice on temporary sobriety, which was quickly rectified. Rickyâ€™s
Crab Shack look like Herb Tarlek from WKRP in Cincinnati with polyester
tie, name tag, his face and Tumbling Dice jacket. So-So was decked out
in some Japanese fusion collage of colors that broke the rainbow.
Little bow peep showed up in the form of Full Service Ass Station.
Locknut Monster provided the Elvis greasy look complete with Grecian
formula chest hairs that Pornogenic, PMS and others could not keep
their hands off of. Fartinugen showed up in jeans and a T-shirt and
brought a virgin but was responsible for the heinous crime of the
evening. Flossit with a Faucet also brought three virgins, one equipped
with his own beer bong. Needless to say he fit right in.
The banner of hashing indulgence was hung in the form the Big-Hump
flag. We circled led by the tan polyester pants of GladHeAteHer as he
blessed the hares and we set the pack off on this pre-laid mess of a
trail. For those that were not there, North St. Louis looks like a DMZ
complete with crumbing buildings, festering trash and decaying
landscape. What would be more fitting to complete the picture with a
gangle of hashers infesting the neighborhood. Locknut lead the way with
FRB block attached to his neck through abandoned buildings, decrepit
railroad tracks and Metro stations we ran. Outgoing cardinal fans at
first were shocked by the display of hashers but were too liquored up
after the onslaught of destruction put down on the Astros by Pujols 7
RBIâ€™s. We limped our way across to the Casino Queen parking lot and
partook of more beers. After mild encounters with some of our finest
Metro police we decided to sacrifice Stink Palm so no would go to jail
or get hit by a PT Cruiser. We scurried our way to the entrance of
Luminare Palace and invaded Burger Bar. Bless Meta Arsehole delivering
us through temptation of the Stag free bar with a tap of 20 plus tasty
brews. Of course at $22 a pitcher they better taste good. We provided
the entertainment by cheering on the Cental Missouri/Nebraska womens
NCAA bowling championships. Only in Missouri do we enjoy a herd of
female bowlers. We attempted to clear out the hashers but they were
attached to tasty brew. Then Fartinugen let out this noxious fume out
of ass that not only cleared out hashers but the rest of the patrons at
Burger Bar. We circled up and started out with the crimes and other
things I am making up:
Best Dressed: Full Service Ass Station for little bow peep outfit
Most Tacky Outfit: Rickyâ€™s Crab Shack with name tag.
Least Dressed: Flossit with a Faucet for stripper pole behavior
Hasher whose typical attire most resembles a polyester hash: Disco Ass
Stinkest Ass of the Hash: Fartinugen
Best Beer of the Hash (besides free): Newcastle
Worst Beer of the Hash: Stag
FRB's: Disco Ass, Lizzardo, Locknut (or at least he should have been)
DFL's: PMS and someone else.
All Three Hash Shits: Mr. Stinky Ass Fartfignugen
Must Gullible Hasher: Lizzardo for believing Fartfignugen that Norman Bates had a liver transplant
Lost Property: Lizzardo for sun glasses. No one claimed the toaster.
Pimp Behavior: Cliff bangher (wow a shocker)
Hashers going to Afganastan and no beer for four months: Some Yung Guy
Racists doing River to River: Disco Ass, Lizzardo, So-So, Cliff
Bangher, Lucy, Postage Tramp, PMS, Disco Ass (apologize if I missed
On after was at Shady Jacks where we fit right in. I guess Polyester is
not that popular with bikers and we scared them off. The local patrons
observed the customs of this unholy band as we drank, ate, drank,
stripped, drank and â€¦. well drank. All in all, just another shitty
Yours humble servant in drunkenness,