South County/MehlvilleValue City Parking Lot
Behind O’Reilly Auto Parts Store
2511 Lemay Ferry Road
St. Louis, MO 63125
A tale from the rear:
Of course, the pack did not start on trail at 7:00. After all, there was a keg in the back of a pickup that kept beckoning, and Paa-Stage (aka Postage Tramp – an old, old R.A.), dressed in jeans and a city slicker shirt, had not figured out how to get the attention of the hares to start the chalk talk.
After blessing the hares and granting their wish for a 15 minute head start, the pack of 39 dedicated hares and harrierets (and 3 dogs) fell silent at the command of the R.A. Lock Nut Monster, FRB, was brought into the circle and given a weighty log necklace with a large silver rabbit head (bottle opener) attached to the top. Somehow, LNM handed off the log to late arrival Fiddle Her on the Roof.
The pack was away about 7:30, heading around the Value City building and across the rear parking lot heading to a far corner, and much anticipated shiggy. The trail meandered about a half mile to a creek crossing (the dilemma: wade the creek or cross on the fallen tree bridging the creek). Those rascally hares had set true trail on the tree bridge. Trail continued through a hundred yards or so of shiggy until reaching an opening onto a paved storage area, fenced in behind a maintenance barn. Then, on through the gate to the end of the fence and a short cut across a ditch to Grant’s Trail. The hares changed tactics and instantly became pavement pounding bastards for about 2 miles along the scenic newly paved Grant’s Trail.
So far, so good, no checks and consequently, no false trails to slow the FRB’s who, by the way, missed the porn shows flicking on the TV’s in many of the open windows of the houses and apartments abutting the trail. Grant’s Trail or “porn alley” (as it is known to the back of the pack) is definitely unique. BUT, what happens on trail stays on trail. Sorry, FRB’s.
Finally, after much pavement pounding, the trail came to a road crossing with a lightly marked check. Trail crossed Union and headed diagonally across a field that turned into a shiggy jungle bringing the hares over 4 feet tall to a virtual craw. Breaking through the shiggy at a creek crossing, the pack was rewarded with a beer stop under the I-55 overpass.
Now the next dilemma, where the hell are we and how do we get back? Ever confident, the hares took off in a misleading direction to further confuse the pack. Without fear, some of the pack crossed the creek back to the dense shaggy and retraced trail to the start. The more adventurous in the pack went up the embankment, crossed a field and ventured into a shallow creek that eventually lead them back to Union. Slightly uphill on Union to a true trail arrow leading into a residential subdivision via Schlogl Dr, Colony Gardens and Rodaper Dr. to Will Road (to the surprise of the pack, late arrival Lizardo is found running trail in reverse).
With a large chalk warning marked on a curb inlet to be careful, the hares led the trail along the shoulder of Will Road to Lemay Ferry Road. Of course, the hare warning became a challenge to Mud Packer. Who, wearing a high beam headlamp, fog lamps and a flashing red lamp on back of his hat set out to challenge the intelligence of the drivers who quickly revealed that they were dumb f*ckers, after all. The trail on Lemay Ferry crossed in front of the on-after bar, Elmo’s, and continued on back to the start. In all, another pavement pounding sh*tty trail with partial credit for shiggy. No railroad tracks, no tunnels, no narrow edge along a cliff trail….and, to top it off, only one beer stop!
So, on to the circle and much rejoicing: Disco A$$ tore across the parking lot and dove into some bushes to demonstrate for the pack, and especially for acting R.A. Cliff Bangher, the proper way to fall in shaggy. Nurse Hash Sh*t proudly showed off her box and invited the hashers to recycle… Visiting hashers Sucks Cock for a Living (Waukesha, Waukesha, Waukesha SUCKS) and Shot by a Whore (Jolly Roger) entertained the circle.
Finally, to the much anticipated highlight of the evening: Hashsh*t nominations. Help Me and ALPO were nominated for doing something cute “doggy style” on trail, Lock Nut Monster for stealing TP on trail for a call to nature, and Gay Blade for taking so much interest in LNM’s dilemma. Of course, Gay Blade won the honor just because everyone seems to love yelling his name. He didn’t have a chance. Could it be that the hashsh*t has found a permanent home, just because?