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Wednesday 04/08/2009 #776

Burning A$$hole & Fuck Me Rudolph @ So Co Shiggyrific Trail

Hash Trash:

BIG HUMP HASH HOUSE HARRIERS

 

HASH TRASH # 776

 

SOUTH COUNTY SHIGGYRIFIC TRAIL

 

 

Date:  Wednesday April 8, 2009, 7:00 PM

 

Venue:       
South County/MehlvilleValue City Parking Lot

Behind O’Reilly Auto Parts Store

2511 Lemay Ferry Road

St. Louis, MO 63125

 

Hares:  Burning A$$hole and F*ckme Rudolph

 

A tale from the rear:

 

Of course, the pack did not start on trail at 7:00.  After all, there was a keg in the back of a pickup that kept beckoning, and Paa-Stage (aka Postage Tramp – an old, old R.A.), dressed in jeans and a city slicker shirt, had not figured out how to get the attention of the hares to start the chalk talk. 

 

After blessing the hares and granting their wish for a 15 minute head start, the pack of 39 dedicated hares and harrierets (and 3 dogs) fell silent at the command of the R.A.  Lock Nut Monster, FRB, was brought into the circle and given a weighty log necklace with a large silver rabbit head (bottle opener) attached to the top.  Somehow, LNM handed off the log to late arrival Fiddle Her on the Roof.

 

The pack was away about 7:30, heading around the Value City building and across the rear parking lot heading to a far corner, and much anticipated shiggy.  The trail meandered about a half mile to a creek crossing (the dilemma:  wade the creek or cross on the fallen tree bridging the creek).  Those rascally hares had set true trail on the tree bridge.  Trail continued through a hundred yards or so of shiggy until reaching an opening onto a paved storage area, fenced in behind a maintenance barn.  Then, on through the gate to the end of the fence and a short cut across a ditch to Grant’s Trail.  The hares changed tactics and instantly became pavement pounding bastards for about 2 miles along the scenic newly paved Grant’s Trail.

 

So far, so good, no checks and consequently, no false trails to slow the FRB’s who, by the way, missed the porn shows flicking on the TV’s in many of the open windows of the  houses and apartments abutting the trail.  Grant’s Trail or “porn alley” (as it is known to the back of the pack) is definitely unique.  BUT, what happens on trail stays on trail.  Sorry, FRB’s.

 

Finally, after much pavement pounding, the trail came to a road crossing with a lightly marked check.  Trail crossed Union and headed diagonally across a field that turned into a shiggy jungle bringing the hares over 4 feet tall to a virtual craw.  Breaking through the shiggy at a creek crossing, the pack was rewarded with a beer stop under the I-55 overpass. 

 

Now the next dilemma, where the hell are we and how do we get back?  Ever confident, the hares took off in a misleading direction to further confuse the pack.  Without fear, some of the pack crossed the creek back to the dense shaggy and retraced trail to the start.  The more adventurous in the pack went up the embankment, crossed a field and ventured into a shallow creek that eventually lead them back to Union.  Slightly uphill on Union to a true trail arrow leading into a residential subdivision via Schlogl Dr, Colony Gardens and Rodaper Dr. to Will Road (to the surprise of the pack, late arrival Lizardo is found running trail in reverse).

 

With a large chalk warning marked on a curb inlet to be careful, the hares led the trail along the shoulder of Will Road to Lemay Ferry Road.  Of course, the hare warning became a challenge to Mud Packer.  Who, wearing a high beam headlamp, fog lamps and a flashing red lamp on back of his hat set out to challenge the intelligence of the drivers who quickly revealed that they were dumb f*ckers, after all.  The trail on Lemay Ferry crossed in front of the on-after bar, Elmo’s, and continued  on back to the start.  In all, another pavement pounding sh*tty trail with partial credit for shiggy.  No railroad tracks, no tunnels, no narrow edge along a cliff trail….and, to top it off, only one beer stop!

 

So, on to the circle and much rejoicing:   Disco A$$ tore across the parking lot and dove into some bushes to demonstrate for the pack, and especially for acting R.A. Cliff Bangher, the proper way to fall in shaggy.   Nurse Hash Sh*t proudly showed off her box and invited the hashers to recycle…  Visiting hashers Sucks Cock for a Living (Waukesha, Waukesha, Waukesha SUCKS) and Shot by a Whore (Jolly Roger) entertained the circle.

 

Finally, to the much anticipated highlight of the evening:  Hashsh*t nominations.  Help Me and ALPO were nominated for doing something cute “doggy style” on trail, Lock Nut Monster for stealing TP on trail for a call to nature, and Gay Blade for taking so much interest in LNM’s dilemma.  Of course, Gay Blade won the honor just because everyone seems to love yelling his name.  He didn’t have a chance.  Could it be that the hashsh*t has found a permanent home, just because?

 

On-On,

 

NB

 

 



Directions:

Venue:  South County/Mehlville

Metro Link Station:  Nope.

Wheel/Stroller/Dog friendly: Most likely.

Shiggy or flashlight: Shiggy and some water so plan accordingly.  A flashlight never hurts and maybe a change of shoes.

Walker trail:  Invariably.

Map Link              

Address: Value City Dept. Store parking lot, 2511 Lemay Ferry Rd, St Louis, MO 63125

BelleVegas:  Take IL-15 towards I-255.  Head south on I-255 (towards Memphis) for 15.8 miles.   After crossing the river, take exit 1D for US 50/US 67 toward Lemay Ferry/Lindbergh/US 61.  This turns into south Lindbergh Road.  Turn right at Lemay Ferry Road and stay on it for 1.6 miles.  Value City parking lot will be on the left behind the O'Reilly Auto Parts store. Look for hashers.

E'ville:  Get your ass to I-255 and head south towards Memphis for 29.5 miles. After crossing the river, take exit 1D for US 50/US 67 toward Lemay Ferry/Lindbergh/US 61.  This turns into south Lindbergh Road.  Turn right at Lemay Ferry Road and stay on it for 1.6 miles.  Value City parking lot will be on the left behind the O'Reilly Auto Parts store. Look for hashers.

Downtown St. Louis:   Head south on I-55.  Take exit 199 for Reavis Barracks Road.  Turn left at the end of the ramp on to Reavis Barracks Road for 1 mile.  Turn right at Lemay Ferry Road and continue for 0.3 miles.  Value City parking lot will be on the right behind the O'Reilly Auto Parts store. Look for hashers.

North St. Louis (Florissant):   If it was me, I�d take I-270 all the way around.  I guess you could wind your away down I-170 but that seems complicated.  Follow I-270 west for 24.8 miles and then continue on I-255 for 1.1 miles.  Take exit 1D for Lemay Ferry and keep right at the fork.  Follow signs for St. Louis and merge on to Lemay Ferry Road.  Stay on Lemay Ferry for 2.0 miles. Value City parking lot will be on the left behind the O'Reilly Auto Parts store.  Look for hashers.

South/West St. Louis (Sunset Hills):   Follow I-270 west for 6 miles and then continue on I-255 for 1.1 miles.  Take exit 1D for Lemay Ferry and keep right at the fork.  Follow signs for St. Louis and merge on to Lemay Ferry Road.  Stay on Lemay Ferry for 2.0 miles. Value City parking lot will be on the left behind the O'Reilly Auto Parts store.  Look for hashers.

On-After:  TBD...we're working on it.

 

If you get lost, need further assistance, or just want to talk dirty to someone, please contact BA @ 314-422-9385 or Rudy @ 314-971-1159.


Big Hump Hash House Harriers - St. Louis, Missouri - Established 1999