This trash was designed to be much later than it is. Thankfully some asshole next door set their alarm at 5am and here I am writing this trash. It was a choice of watching infomercials or writing the trash.
This trail had it all …. Wrong start location, Stag beer, men wearing tiaras, babies smoking cigarettes, really cool beer holders, Elvis, home brew, EPA violations, genital roasting, root beer floats, excessive (male) ass flashing, gross auto hashing and one drunk ass Garage a Trois.
The hash started with some division. Cliff Bangher, Garage a Trois, Pees like a Princess, Copped and Fingered, OCD, I Have a Dick, Nurse Hashshit thought they were too good to follow directions. Where as Postage Tramp, PMS, Lizzardo, Meta Arsehole, Full Service Ass Station, Aunt Flow, Five Bucks (x3), I Feel Tower, Strap on Strap Off and Ho Hum followed directions. Having the moral high ground and what we thought was all of the beer we (the hashers that can follow directions) decided to stay put. Lizzardo, being an angel of mediation, decided ran over to tease the divisive faction with a can of
We were joined by Celery, Fuck Me Rudolph (who showed up sober to two straight hashes), and Just Azhar S who joined our little merry band. Cliff Bangher finally contributed to society with a really kick ass beer holder. (Cliff please post the link in the trash for that beer holder) Unfortunately it was starting to disintegrate because it was holding a Stag beer. For all of those that think I am picking on Stag unfairly please go visit their hot rockin web site at www.stag-beer.com and you can get the finest in camouflage beer accessories. Cliffy and Pees like a Princess looked really hot in those tiaras and started attracting attention from the big lots shoppers and Whiney Bitch. Copped and Fingered showed up in civilian clothes in black quasi hooker like boots with absolutely no intention of actually running or even walking the trail because Garage a Trois caved in and gave her the locations to all of the beer stops. Little did she know she would start a revolution of lazy ass hashers like OCD, I Have a Dick, and Full Service Ass Station that would not run trail either.
We drank and the hares finally took off. Due to that sexy location we pretty saw they run half of the trail before they were out of sight. Note to hares …. Promising shiggy and running across a park are not the same. What a pavement pounding piece of shit trail the hares laid. The hares thought they were being funny when they decided to lay a blow job and each and every check in every direction but fortunately for the few of us that did not auto hash Five Bucks Five Buck Five Bucks ran did not mind checking them all anyway. The pack finally made it to the first beer check.
We were greeted by some 1950’s throwback watering hole. I have never seen a place blanketed with cigarette smoke as much as this place. You literally could cut it with a knife which would not be so important except for the mother with her 3 month old infant in the bar. Oh the convenience of having the baby bottle right next to the lit cigarette. Very cosmopolitan!! Full Service did not find any guys to hit on so she found some really cute girl she started making moves on in a benign attempt to get her to start hashing. Celery was dancing to the smooth sounds of Elvis and almost gave some of the patrons a heart attack. The pack could only endure baby formula and lung cancer for so long (after all the beer was gone) and we took off. The auto hashing group really started picking up steam and I swear there were like 5 of us that ran to Cliff Banghers house. We were greeted by Cliffy’s excellent home brew, space heater, hibachi fire pit and no Stag. Normally there is enough booze after the seven cases plus home brew but not for Garage a Trois. She had to break out the root beer schnapps. Guys ….. there is a moral to this story …. Don’t ever complain about root beer schnapps and hot harriettes! Because both Full Service Ass Station and Garage a Trois needed an impartial observer to determine “which breasts were the best”. The sacrifices I do for the good of the hash. It was a little cold and auto hashing can takes its toll on people. So OCD, Copped and Fingered, Full Service Ass Station and SoSo were hogging the space heater and started decided to provide the entertainment for the pack by provocatively posing for the camera. (I know there is hash flash of this please post it!!!). The hash should make a calendar … the hot harriettes of Big-Hump!!! Not to be outdone by the space heater girls, the drunk pack decided to start destroying nearby structures to feed the fire. Well plastic coated particle wood does not burn necessarily well and smoked out the hash. We were too lazy to run back (sissy auto-hashers) and decided to hold circle at Cliffy’s pad. Garage a Trois was starting to get quite loaded …. she had that cooked look like a hot dog on the rotating carousel for too long. She decided to start having all of the male hashers flash their asses. We were greeted by the bare ass on the photo (name escapes me) and Whiney Bitch. Crimes on trail were the usual ….. gross auto hashing, Five Bucks for being FRB, DFL going to PMS for being lazy. Hashshit ….. now I have to admit I probably had a little too much to drink (hammered) at this point and remember that Copped and Fingered had the hash shit but really don’t remember who got it and for what crime.
We took off to 3 Monkeys where I saw more drunk ass hashers Hymen Hunter, Fuck Me Pumps, Cum it Out, Cuffed the Great Orgasm, Tick Tock Bloody clock and of course the birthday crew of Cliffy, Princess and Garage. Garage was so drunk now she was glazed like a donut with the rest of the crew not far behind her. I got to drunk and passed out.
For those at Pepper Lounge and Tap Room please feel free to fill in any details.
All in all, it really was not that bad of a trail!!
ON AFTER: Big Birthday Bash at 3 Monkeys, 3153 Morganford (across from the Tin Can Tavern). On After After: Pepper Lounge, 2005 Locust.
If you need directions, further info, check the Maps Link or call Cliff BangHer 314-324-1964.