'Twas the night of Pere Marquette, when all through Chautauqua,
Not a creature was stirring,
well - Just Chuck and
Abby (they needed some alone time);
The fire was stoked on the
patio with care,
In hopes that
racist hasher's soon would be there;
The beer was nestled all snug in the cooler,
While visions of
us drunk and jumping naked
over a firepit danced through their craniums;
And P*ssy Fart in her running
shoes and Stinky in his Santa boxer's,
Well we all set off for
a hilly run on a shitty shiggy trail,
When out on the trail there arose
such a clatter,
"Certain death" is what
he cried, Whiney's freakin'
scared of heights,
Away to the bluff we all took our time,
Tore open a beer and sat on a cliff.
The beautiful view above
the Mississippi River
Gave lust (to Celery) of
mid-day snuggling in the grass,
When, what do our wondering eyes
But a couple of hares, and a cooler
full of beer,
With two hares and one harriet, so lively and
I knew it a moment it must
be Just Chuck, Just Aaron, and
Help Me I'm Wet.
More rapid than eagles their hounds they came (I said
And they whistled, and shouted,
and called them by name;
"Now, Burning Asshole, Pulls
Out Early, Just Sara, and Whiney!
On, Lock Nut Monster, Ho
Hum, Prancer (that's Ricky), and Disco Ass!
To the bottom of the
hills! To the top of
Now run away! Run away! Get
drunk but don't trip!"
As the virgins, Just Shane, Just Kristin, Just
Abby bestow us with their lively jokes (did they - I don't
Aaron explains if they meet with a chick
check, show the mounds of
So up to the cabin-patio the
runners they ran,
With crampy legs, cold noses, and tummy's full of beer, too.
And, then, in a twinkling, I
heard from the
The sounds of
80's tunes lofting about.
As I drew in my hand, and was
Across the friggin' fire pit, naked
Stinky came with a bound.
He was dressed in nothing, from
his head to his foot,
And, his balls were all
tarnished with ashes and soot;
In an square inch of landing space
- a good
spot he found,
The burning hare - he sat
there and took it all in,
His eyes -- how they judged us! his
dimples how spry!
His fur was so soft, his face was agrin!
He was put in the fire and we all
watched him die,
And, the smell of his
fur was as rank as his judgement;
The fur burned away from
his eyeballs with
And the smoke it encircled his head
like a wreath;
Someone had an idea - let's all get naked and
Stinky set out a trail and his nude houds
were jolly and cold and gave quite a show.
the wankers went inside to enjoy some dancing;
other half sat by the fire and did I don't know
dad had given his blessing on the dabauchery and we knew we had
nothing to dread:
He spoke not a word, but just shook his cranium,
And filled all the evening with an
extra beer stop and Jager,
And laying his finger aside of his
He sprang to his own cabin, to his new friends gave a
And there were all lay around like a bunch of
But I heard him exclaim, ere he
drove out of sight,
"Ef all of you wank hasher's,
get out of my sight."
Service Ass Station