Hash #Seven Hundred and Forty-Five (get a fucking life already!) - Just Tim and Sexorcist's

Edwardsville Swanky Bar Stop Clock Store Tour Walter Payton Pilsner Hash

Man, I was tore.up. I know I had fun when I can't remember over 20 percent of the evening.

Although I'd venture there were some others who can't remember about 60-70 percent, and a few who probably wish they didn't remember even 10 percent.

So, here's what I remember about last night. (Which, by the way, was a really stupid movie. I hate chick flicks and relationship movies and shit like that. Unless Christian Bale is in it and he's naked at least a decent fraction of time.)

It was relatively cold.
It was Just Tim's virgin lay. Oh, the humanity.
Just Tim's bathroom was like, the warmest bathroom I've ever had the pleasure of urinating in.
Likewise, his store was the nicest smelling clock repair store I've ever toured.
I just toured it. Seriously. In, out. Wait, I'm probably not helping the matter.
If you ever want to get rid of unused alcohol, even if it's 80 proof and burns your throat going down, put it in a hash cooler.
The backseat of Burning Asshole's truck was specifically engineered to hold midgets.
If you ever want to eat at a fancy restaurant but are afraid you are underdressed, try eating out of their trash cans. The help won't bother you because you look forlorn and homeless and the food is free. No, no one actually did that on trail but it was an idea I came up with when PMS and I were tempted by the wonderful smell of the restaurant in front of circle, but weren't sure they'd seat us dressed in hasher-hoboware.
Celery will drive from butt fuck Missouri to butt fuck Illinois to do a walker trail. That's dedication.
Sexorcist and Just Tim may have hared a hash with the swankiest beer stop ever. I mean, I almost felt guilty were there just to drink shitty draft beer. We should have had a hash wedding there or something.
I can't believe I went 37 years without ever having a Rusty Nail. Best.Drink.Ever.
Just Shiloh is my new favorite hasher. Sorry, Just Mike U. Although you can tag along with him anytime.
Locknut had a swollen testicle. I explained to him that one was where all his future children lived.
Dewey did not have the cold flu, she had the stomach flu.
DMB asked for some Aleve, but I thought she said she had to leave, so I tried to get circle to move so she could back her car out.
Garage a Trois and Stink Palm had very significant runs, and we celebrated by having LockNut bless GaT with his swollen ball and Tippecanoe and Fuck Me Too bless Stinky with her backslider women's biniss.
GladHeAteHer had a sweet Steely Dan t-shirt.
The Stagger Inn offers Walter Payton Pilsner for 3 bucks a pop. It's not the best beer in the world, but it's certainly good for the price. I think, I was pretty fucked up before I started buying them.
Gay Blade is secure with his hash name.
In the dark, from a distance, it's very easy to mistake Pornogenic for Full Service Ass Station. Especially when she is walking up with LockNut.
Whiney Bitch is almost ready to start hashing and break the other ankle.
Someone got hashshit. I cannot remember whom or why.
Pees Like A Princess had white underwear. Sometimes I wonder if all you have to say to  him is "underwear", and he'll pull down his pants.
Cum Goggles is just too nice and too cute to be a hasher. No, that doesn't mean that *you* aren't nice or *you* aren't cute.
Hashers on the Injured/DL included G-Spot, Dewey, Whiney. I think that's it.
We had a virgin, at the hash.
Oh, I think there was something about an on-after after after after. Although I think it occured during the on-after. Just Tim really, really needs a name. Personally, I like Tick Tock Cock.
I don't really remember driving home. Luckily, I wasn't actually driving. Goddamned Apple Jack.

Shitty trail hares!

Yours always,
Strap On (clap clap) Strap Off