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Wednesday 10/29/2008 #742

Lock Nut Monster & Full Service A$$ Station @ MONSTER BASH HASH

Hash Trash:


The night started in the secluded Bowood Farms on the bleeding north edge of the Central West End – where the PoPo have better things to do than harass the hashers.


Boulevard Wheat Keg (2fc) finished his costume at 7:05pm and walked to the hash but didn’t realize he was volunteering to write his first hash trash ever by wearing his beer on his head.  Canadia was also well represented by Dapper Sapper’s Well-Endowed Ghost (Postage Tramp) and purported sightings of Dapper’s pornstache on Joe the Plumber (Sexorcist).


Ricky’s Crab Shack pulled his mask off long enough to show Just Kristen and Just Stephanie how to do a proper down down while they nervously waited for their sponsor, Jack Amy Rabbitt Winehouse Slim to cum and hash.  Ghoul king Lock Nut Monster and his eerie queen Full Service Ass Station scared the pack with a 3+ mile pub crawl but then won the pack over by claiming 4, did they say 4, beer stops and telling the pack to bring cash & ID. As always, the Tabletop Christmas Tree (PMS) then asked “Do we need ID on trail?”


The trail went through the CWE hood, flirted with Delmar and Gaslight Square before finding a neighbourhood park for the first beer and Jell-O shot stop.  Cum Goggles decided to relive her allergic naming and was evacuated by a local - never to be heard from again.  Just Playboy Bunny Monica tried to hop along the eagle trail but decided to join Just Sarah, Hammertongue, and Just Pink Leopard Tina as the crawl continued.  Part-time pirate HoLaterARRRR Damage joined us at Jimmy & Andy’s for more beer before the pack crawled down Euclid searching for more.


Half the pack made an impromptu beer stop at Studio 34 before arriving just in time for a free beer war.  Cum It Out, taking offence to copious amounts of beer being poured on his green cranium by Jump My FMP Bones and her co-conspirators (KegBoy and AutoWitch), retaliated in force spewing beer over the pack before referee Help Me, I’m Wet called a penalty and sent the pack On In.


At circle, the hares were let off the hook for only having three official beer stops given all were paid for! FRBs and all midgets were brought in for Sally in the Alley.  Best costumes were awarded to Dominatrix G-Spot (a new age superhero–Really! Thinking we would believe a tight rubber costume = superhero. I mean REALLY!) and yellow homemade speed skating suit wearing Gay Blades of Glory, who was aptly named at the on after. Wear it loudly and proudly sister–I mean brother!


B is for Burning Guy Fawkes Asshole decided to defer the insignificant runs until next week–“Remember the 5th of November.”  Until then, congratulations to SOSO, Joe the Plumber/Mario, Red-Faced Pink Slip, Tabletop Christmas Tree, Dapper Sapper’s Ghost, IHAD, Fartfignugen, 5 Doubloons ^3, Elbow Deep, Do My Gypsy Bellydancing Butt, and Boulevard Wheat Keg.


The virgins Just Stephanie and Just Kristen proceeded to flash their young hidden beautiful buoyant body parts–still not sure how so many of you heard a joke and then a song???   OCD, having already eaten out of my hand, decided to overcome fears by feeling what was under GladHeAteHer’s roman kilt–oops–I mean our RA decided to feel up Dapper Sapper’s Ghost and was surprised by the current exchange rate on imported ghost meat.  Having imbibed freely from the plenteous hash beer and obviously concerned about the strong exchange rate, GladHeAterHer then proceeded to award himself the hash shit and swing low.


Most of the pack moved to Tom’s–no–I mean Culpeppers to continue the party.

PMS’s Dewey Sexual Purse, Celery the Pink Witch from BFE, Indiana Ashley Jones, Amy JRS Winehouse, and Jump My FMP Bones started a catfight to tap 2fc’s keg before destroying his label during their keg stands.  PMS’s Dewey Sexual Purse then blessed Long Duck Donger Malfunction’s 50-run cranium band.


Just Brad was then acclaimed as the new Gay Blade’s of Glory and, passing on rumours of Jack in the Box antics and multiple hurls following the Red Dress Run, Marky Mark was named Hymen Hunter–hitting on your virgin cousin Marky Mark–I mean Really! Hope you were inspired by our Texas visitors singing “Incest Time in Texas” earlier in circle.  Really!


Next year – I’m wearing DMB’s Patchwork Bag cuz it has more friends than DMB and PMS’s purse!

Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net


Venue: HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!! Look for this to be an easy lazy Hash. Also, you will need money and ID. I repeat, MONEY & ID.


Metro Link Station: Central West End Station, 1.3 miles. Head north on S Euclid Ave toward Audubon Ave/Childrens Pl. Turn right at McPherson Ave. Turn left at Walton Ave. Turn left at Olive St.

Walker/Wheel/Stroller/Dog friendly: Yes/Yes/Yes/No, since it's between a pub crawl and real trail.

Shiggy or flashlight: Flashlight, only if your scared of the dark. Oooo-hahahahaha!

Map Link       

Address: 4605 Olive Street, Saint Louis, MO 63108. Parking lot adjacent to Bowood Farms/Cafe Osage.

Illinois: Head west on I-64 W. Entering Missouri. Take exit 38A to merge onto Forest Park Ave toward Grand Blvd. Turn right at S Boyle Ave. Turn left at Olive St

South: Head south on I-170 S. Take the exit onto I-64 E/US-40 E toward St Louis. Take exit 36B for Kingshighway. Turn right at S Kingshighway Blvd0. Turn right at Lindell Blvd. Turn left at N Taylor Ave. Turn left at Olive St.

Fenton area: Head northeast on I-44 E. Take exit 287A for Kingshighway. Turn left at S Kingshighway Blvd. Turn right at Lindell Blvd. Turn left at N Taylor Ave .Turn left at Olive St

If you get lost or need further assistance, please contact Lock Nut Monster @ 314-971-7036.

Big Hump Hash House Harriers - St. Louis, Missouri - Established 1999