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Wednesday 10/15/2008 #739

Burning A$$hole & Strap On (clap, clap) Strap Off @ Beautiful Caseyville, IL

Hash Trash:

I really enjoy writing the trash, but I always feel bad because I try so hard to remember what happened that I usually leave some people out. Well not this time. I've done my best with looking at pictures, reading the comments and figured out who was all there, to give them a proper shout out. If I DO happen to forget you, it's because SOMEONE lost the clipboard and we had to figure it out based on pictures. Enjoy!

Circle started in a cold, far away place called Caseyville. I've lived 10 miles away for 8 years and this was my first (and probably last) experience in the town. On my way there I passed it, because some young punk switched the road signs around. That's when I noticed I was very cold, much colder than it was earlier in the day. Some people I never met were there, like Just Mike, who brought Just Shiloh, the prettiest dog in town, to join us. Just Heath, who I guess looks like some dead guy, but who knows. Just Brad, although I'm pretty sure I met him and has since joined the Yahoo and Google Groups as well as Hashspace. Backslider Halley's Comet was there, obviously still recovering from the Red Dress Run. We circled up around GladHeAteHer, who would be our R.A. for the evening and one to blame for the weather. Bastard. He introduced us to the hares, Burning Asshole and Strap On (clap, clap) Strap Off so they could show us what we would see on trail. According to the hares it would be green flour and horse shit. Maybe some toilet paper they stole from the park restroom. Hares were away and the pack was quick to follow.

I don't know where trail went, since I didn't take it. Most likely it went through a cemetery, railroad tracks and a creek. Four hashers were to get lost on trail, Sexorcist was to fall down a hill and Just Tim found a frog in his boxers. Nurse Hashshit was another on of the lost troop, as was Goat Fucker. Pees Like a Princess was pretty concerned. About Nurse though, not Goat. Luckily they showed up to the Beer Stop, which was at some old abandoned brothel or something. At least that's what I heard. Whiney Bitch was even there on time and he's still on crutches! Do My Butt showed up late, but got there before the pack. Usual FRB Ho-Lateral Damage was among those of us that went straight to the stop; turns out poor thing was cold and had to hitch a ride with PMS. Strange that she was cold, seeing as she had shorts and a bikini t-shirt on. I guess her and DMB planned to wear theirs on the same night. Dorks.

We craniumed back to the start and settle in for a pleasant circle. Except that it wasn't pleasant! It was chilly and getting colder by the minute. Luckily, PMS decided to sing songs as hyper-speed in order to get things going, but that really didn't work. We made the hares drink for a shitty trail, but Postage Tramp caught Burning Asshole trying to drink a beer with its cap still on. Dumbass. FRB Just Rob was called in, but for some reason DMB went in for FBI, since she came late and short cut to the Beer Stop. For the record, Celery was the real FBI, as she was the first in that actually ran trail. Hashers with significant runs were called in, and then a special significant run was called in for Pornogenic having 250! Sure, you don't get anything for it, but it deserves a special down-down, seeing as you don't have a life. GladHeAteHer called himself in to get his mug (although his 100th run was Saturday, the mug wasn't there so we had to wait until tonight). When asked for a song, Fuck Me Rudolph decided to sing Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You." It sounded nothing like it.

Since it was getting colder, we decided to stretch circle a little longer and name Just Rob. Some names they threw around were Tit Sucking Ball Bag Baby or something like that. Also something regarding being Jewish. Instead, the hash went with 5 Bucks, 5 Bucks, 5 Bucks! He likes to pay for a month at a time it seems, but not the month before.

I really don't remember the order in which things were happening, so I'll just re-cap what happened in circle. Just Monica had to join the rank of "when one midget drinks…all midgets drink" along with So-So, PMS, DMB and Celery. Bangs Her Mash was trying to call someone in, but was told to speak English. Someone tried to call out So-So for having red hair now, which she had at the last hash, and I overheard Disco Ass yell out "Does the carpet match the drapes?" Finally Just Tim got hashshit for the frog in his pants. The hares missed the on-after due to Porno beating up So-So in the parking lot for attempting to be the other sexy red head in the hash (the first is Rudy…just kidding, you know it's Porno!).

The on-after was at some bar called Olde Bridge Inn. I think the sign said something else though. Whatever, I passed a place called The Happy Cow and am still not sure why we weren't drinking there. The girl's bathroom had two toilets, like most, but side by side with no divider, not like most. Dewey Sexual System and DMB got caught taking shits, which gave Rudy and Sex an idea to do the same. They were also caught. Stink Palm had a conversation with Porno about how to beat up So-So, and with Rudy and Dewey about how smoking is addictive. Some hashers tried to steal the large Parmesan Cheese shaker, but the bartenders weren't having it. HoLateral and Ricky's Crab Shack had a stirring argument over what to do when a football team leaves the city. HoLateral feels you should be a fan of the new team. I don't think Ricky ever responded. Probably because I jumped in with some choice words on Art Modell and what I think of the Ravens.

Dewey Sexual System

Side note: I want to throw out there that this was Whiney's 35th hash in a row. He's made every single one since July 2nd. However, had he shown up to every one since he hared on May 21st his next one would be 50 in a row. But it's not and I wish he weren't such a slacker.


For you Crabman:

Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

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