The pack gathered behind Borders and Old Navy, which would be the closest some of us would ever be to books and fashion, to celebrate Lock Nut Monster’s birthday.
Sir Lance-a-Nut and Venus came all the way from southern
Now let me welcome everybody to the wild, wild west. A state that's untouchable like Elliot Ness. The track hits ya eardrum like a slug to ya chest. Pack a vest for your Jimmy in the city of sex. We in that sunshine state with a bomb ass hemp beat, the state where ya never find a dance floor empty. And pimps be on a mission for them greens, lean mean money-makin-machines servin fiends. I been in the game for ten years makin rap tunes, ever since honeys was wearin Sassoon. Now it's '95 and they clock me and watch me. Diamonds shinin lookin like I robbed Liberace. It's all good, from Diego to
…to join the Big Hump tonight and brought with them much hash attire for those to cheap to buy from our own haberdasher. Hasher originals such as LiverStrong and Math is Hard, Hashing is Easy.
Before the pack circled, our hares Lock Nut Monster and Postage Tramp had already started chalk talk. Some rarely used marks were finally rediscovered tonight, something about a circle with an X and then two dots added to make it something else, then there was the BVN. It would be a bad day to be an FRB... The hares were blessed and before you knew it they scampered away with the pack following shortly behind.
This would be a night for many close encounters. Besides books and fashion, some of us had our first exposure to art too. The hares took the pack through some of the finest shiggy Sunset Hills had to offer as we twisted and turned through the woods behind the sculpture park.
Whiney Bitch was the first to come upon the Turkey/Eagle Split. Realizing that he was no turkey, Whiney followed the Eagle check back, back into the woods with your humble, now remorseful, scribe following behind.
By now your humble, even more remorseful, scribe had fallen behind and if something exciting did happen further up trail he wouldn’t have known about it. So anyway we trampled through some more woods and walked through a creek and finally found the beer stop, which lasted about 3 and half hours. Hares away! HARES AWAY!
And the hares were away!
Following along the same creek that lead to the beer stop, the group entered the bacteria tunnel. Here’s were a flash light would have come in handy, fortunately F*ck Me Rudolph was snapping photos and with every flash the road ahead became visible. Unfortunately the water had the clarity of used motor oil.
Pees Like a Princess walked cautiously waiting for the hashers ahead to find a drop off and disappear suddenly with a splash. Luckily the tunnel ended before that happened. But at the end of the tunnel the water got about 3 feet deep, completely engulfing Just Michelle F along with the other midgets on trail.
F*ck me Pumps, not wanting to get her nice white shorts dirty, found an alternate route through the poison ivy fields and emerged on the other side dry as a ninety year old woman.
Soaked, yet still motivated the pack continued forward back to the point of departure. Catching the sent of hopps, barley and water, McGutterslut dropped into a dead sprint for the finish with Legs Over Easy following closely behind.
The pack was together again to bring in the virgins, accusate the accusatees and hand out the Hashshit, which was given to Just Jen A. for wearing a fur coat when it’s almost f*cking June. Ironically, she lost it when she went in circle for lost property... Oh sweet irony. Watch out DMB, we may have found someone that could potentially break your record of most consecutive hashshits received.
Long Duk Dong
What do I need? : flashlight, change of shoes & socks, snorkel, floaties and an extra set of ankles.
MetroLink friendly? No
Wheelchair friendly? No
West County: Take I-270 south. Exit I-44 east Exit Lindbergh turn right (south). Exit Watson Road turn right (west). Turn left in to Sunset Hills Plaza and Borders will be on your right. Look for Hashers, BEHIND Borders
Illinois: Take I-64 west Exit I-44. Exit Lindbergh Blvd turn left (south). Exit Watson Road turn right (west) Turn left into Sunset Hills Plaza and Borders will be on your right. Look for Hashers, BEHIND Borders.
Downtown/City: Take I-44 west. See Illinois directions from here.
ON AFTER: TBA
Still lost? - call Lock Nut Monster (314) 971-7036 or Postage Tramp (314) 761-1784.