Has anyone ever seen 1 versus 100? If you were there last night you did. We
met off Arsenal about 1 mile from the Trophy Room, giving all us battle bots
time to stretch. Sides were chosen, simply by contributing 10 bucks you
could declare yourself ILL or HO-MO. No checking of licenses or green
cards. Phooey. Circle opened with hashshit recipients and FRBs from
Saturday's hobo trail. Then the hares, *Disco Ass* and *Mile High Baller*,
let us know what we were in for on this run. After counting, I noticed 15
yellow shirts and about 35 blue ones. Hmmmm.
There will be 2 trails which we have to figure out at the first check, one
for IL runners/MO cheaters and one for MO slow-pokes. We were also told the
BN and BS would now stand for Battle Near and Battle Stop, respectively. It
was also a dead trail so there would be no time for dilly-dallying after the
hares leave, because they won't. The pack craniums out.
At the first check some yellow shirt run one way as the blue run the
opposite. A lot of blue wankers stayed at the checking waiting to see where
to go. The IL pack came back to go down their true trail, while only a
handful of the MO pack came back, even though they were on the wrong trail.
Dumbasses. Following trail down the railroad tracks, *GladHeAteHer*, *G-Spot
*, *Sexorcist* and *Dewey* noticed a familiar yellow Jeep driving on the
road underneath them, with *CliffBangHer* and a backseat full of coolers. We
emerged from the tracks to a parking lot surrounded by fence. How to get
thru? Then we noticed we were on the Eagle Trail, which earlier Disco
specifically told us we have to be small to run Eagle. Why? Probably because
of the hand sized hole we had to squeeze through. Luckily *I-Feel-Tower* was
there to help the ladies, even though he was from MO and jumped sides to see
us fine IL women wriggle their way through.
The IL pack came across some checks that had been "swept" to help us find
our way. Unfortunately they went in all directions. Without thinking, we
immediately followed the less deliberate markings, knowing our IL hashers
were doing as a side thought as opposed to dumb HO-MOs trying to make us go
the wrong way. Finally we came (hee hee) upon Tower Grove Park, with beer
and games awaiting us. A lot of blue shirts were there, so they must have
been the cheaters that took the IL trail. After hours of waiting, the 7 MO
hashers that actually did what they were supposed to (yes, including *Do My
Butt*) showed up. Let the games begin!
*Round One: Edward 40 Hands Winner: IL*
Gladdy and *Stink Palm* were chosen, with 40s taped to each hand. Their
respective teams could help them drink, first one to finish wins.
Unfortunately, we had a little accident on the IL side and Gladdy knocks out
his girlfriend's tooth or something like that. It was a close race and IL
finished first! Someone pointed out Gladdy's still had beer (foam) in it, so
he downed it at the same time Stinky was finishing his. MO was declared the
winner, but photo evidence clearly shows IL as the victor.
*Round Two: Flip Cup Winner: MO*
6 on each side of the tiniest table known to man. Drink what is in cup,
flip, goes to next player. T
EAM IL: *Burning Asshole, GlassHole, Hammertongue, *Dewey*, Princess, Nurse
TEAM MO: *Dos HiXXies, 2 Fuck Canuck, PMS, Legs Over Easy, Just Rob, Just
*Round Three: Nanner/Grape Eating Winner: MO*
One couple from each team, female must eat the banana and grapes off the
male before the other team. From IL we had Hammertongue and Nurse Hashshit,
MO had *Help Me I'm Wet* and *HogTool*.
*Round Four: Midget Sumo Wrestling Winner: MO*
Three rounds, hands behind backs. Must be short for females, tall for males.
First off the newspaper loses. 1st round: *So-So* versus *Just Corrina*,
So-So wins. 2nd round: Do My Butt versus Dewey, Dewey wins (not disqualified
as some people would have you believe. Had my hands been tied that would not
have happened. Besides, I'm 5'6", sorry there's something in MO water that
makes your whole team short). 3rd round: 2 Fuck versus *Follow the Urine
Trail*. Yeah seriously, they paired those two. Slightly unfair and
unbalanced, which is why they will not be referred to as Team Fox News.
*Round Five: Tug 'O War Winner: Team Fox News*
Disco wanted us to do this over the lake, so that the losers got wet, but
the Po-Po presence prohibited that, since their main concern was that we
were swimming. 10 versus 10, except 2 Fuck and Stink Palm alone could have
beaten us. With G-Spot and Gladdy gone, we only had 3 people sit out. Like
The Ho-MO winners had to run back with a huge advertisement for Armaggedon,
Ben Affleck's best movie. If you're a fan of him, I'm sorry. I'm glad he's
not a hasher. We ran back to circle and drank some beers. It was a gorgeous
night so circle went on a long time. Oh wait, that was because *Postage
Tramp* ran it. Never mind. Lots of people were yelled at for talking, until
*Shiggy Stomper* graced us with a beautiful song. Somehow everyone was quiet
for that, but I think it was for the gyrating dance moves. Can you come
every circle and help quiet people down? Thanks!
Viper Snatch got the hashshit, but I couldn't tell you why. Sorry. I was
getting drunk. For those of you that I flashed you probably realized that.
The on-after was at the Trophy Room, a mile away. Ho-Lateral met up with us.
GlassHole (the OTHER Cliffy) almost dropped PMS on her head, which serves
her right, writing all over people like that. Sheesh.
That was the best damn shittiest trail ever!
Dewey Sexual System