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Saturday 04/12/2008 #699

GladHeAteHer & Plot My G-Spot @ "THE HOBO HASH"

Hash Trash:

The pack gathered on a brisk Saturday afternoon downtown at Al Hrabosky’s for the Big Hump’s  1st annual Hobo hash, which also happened to be hash 69-9.  There were prizes to be handed out to the first 30 hashers that showed.  We were supposed to be hobo looking (duh), and it was cold out, so yeah, everyone got one.  The knapsacks contained all the necessities a hobo could need.  Peanuts, bologna sandwiches, one shooters of various boozes, and of course a paper sack to drink said booze out of.  Everyone dressed up for the occasion, though some looked a little more pathetic than hoboish.  Not to mention all the technology floating around.  Seriously, how many hobos are walking around with cell phones and show up in their Acura?

The hares gave us a non-traditional chalk talk  In fact, they completely made up their own marks for everything.  Even a little choo-choo train drawing.  After that, the hares were out, and the pack was off as I slammed my beer with a quickness.  Straight to the slums of inner industrial abandoned St. Louis we ran to.  Making our way to the Arch grounds and then down to Laclede’s Landing, where we hit our first beer stop, Sundeckers.  By this time my nuts were frozen to my inner thighs, so I’d like to take a moment to thank the hares for the indoor beerstop.  At Sundeckers, we made friends instantly, sang “Dumb Ass” to newly-weds, and probably annoyed the shit out of a bartender who otherwise thought he was going to have another slow relaxing Saturday afternoon.

On out we went straight to the Metro Link.  Dammit I thought we were going to jump a freight train to Kansas City or something.  We only made it as far as Union Station before jumping off and running some more in the cold ass weather.  By this time I was thinking to myself “it was fun to dress up, but these fu**ing BOOTS I wore really really suck to run in”.  But I digress, back to the pavement pounding downtown hobo hash.  We ran up and down the city blocks until finally hitting the second beer stop (WOO HOO) which was in a park right next to the Soldier’s Memorial.  Yeah, the same parks where the real hobos sleep.  We were there maybe 2 minutes when we were hit up by the real deal.  But man, this hobo hit the jackpot, as our generous pack unloaded their bologna sandwiches and a can of potted meat with a quickness.  I should also mention the porta potty in the same park.  There was a lady and a man in there, and I think they lived there.  I thanked them for letting me use their restroom, made like a tree, and got the hell out of there.

After that a quick jog back to the circle.  Enroute, we picked up what I hope to see soon as The Cone of Silence.  In circle mostly the usual shit was done, songs were sang, and beer was drunk.  People were hit for DFL, FRB, nominations, etc.  The giant ginormous hashshit was handed out.  Man I’ve been gone for a while.  WTF was that ridiculous contraption all about?  And finally, awards were given out for the best hobos.  DMB won the harriette side in her Boots McGee outfit, and yours truly won for the dudes (but only cuz I wore suspenders just like the hare who give out the special prizes).  And what, pray tell, did we win?  1 MILLION DOLLARS!!!!  Or maybe it was a harmonica made out of pure gold.  Or maybe just a plain old harmonica.  But you know what?  You really can’t put a price tag on the hours of musical pleasure that will be enjoyed by all the other hashers in the years to come.

Then on-after to the Broadway Oyster bar… where I didn’t go.  But give me a break, at least I made a damn hash!

ON-ON   Frankie TDTPE



Big Hump Hash House Harriers - St. Louis, Missouri - Established 1999