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Wednesday 02/27/2008 #688

PMS & Sexorcist - 2nd Annual Lampshade Run @ U City

Hash Trash:

Hash Trash #688

2nd Aníal Lampshade Run


So I arrived at a parking lot that looked hauntingly familiar.  Almost like I had been there just the week before.  I wrote it off as just an odd case of dejavu and parked my car near Burning A$$hole and I Have a Dick who had already started the party.  Itís amazing how I can be 15 minutes late to circle and still be the fourth to arrive.  I donít think Crystal Meth Elliot had arrived yet but Iím guessing he was molesting someone at that particular moment. 


As others arrived, the lampshades started to appear.  Some big, some small, some Gi-f*cking-normous and all with the spirit the hares intended.  We had lampshades of all sizes and colors as well as from every decade.  (Someone has to represent the 70ís, isnít that right DickSmith?)  The lampshades came in slowly from each direction and we all celebrated at least one bare bulb at home.  CliffBangHer and Crystal Meth Elliot went big but not nearly big enough for the title.  That belonged to DickSmith for his freakishly large magenta monster.  Cliff seemed OK with it but Crystal was so mad he molested somebody.  Plot My G-Spot showed her creativity with glitter glue in a cute little White on white number, while Just Shirley looked like she was about to be $hit on by a little birdie.  Sexorcist and Just Angela went with dual-purpose St. Pattyís Day lampshades.  Iíll be looking for those at Green Dress.  2 F*ck Canuck kept burning holes in his green lampshade, he liked it so much the first time he did it again.  Locknut Monster had a classic southern lampshade with a light on top and a pull chain next his right ear making him the Belle of the Ball.  Nurse Hash$hit stuck to her theme with a red cross while Pees Like a Princess took the ďPrincessĒ thing to a new level.  Iím sure Iím forgetting many memorable lampshades but I was interrupted while taking notes so screw you.


Although it was a virginless hash, (very sad) we had chalk talk anyway and I swear I heard the hares say they were going to mark the trail.  Did everyone else hear that?  Then the hares left with a request of like an hour head start or something like that.  Do My Butt was FRB for a while, until everyone else started running and we caught her in like 5 seconds.  The first turn seemed to be unmarked and spread hashers in every direction.  This was the first of many times the entire group would be off trail and it set a tone for the whole run.  We should really do the lampshade run in a location that isnít quite so hip.  The civilians around U-City didnít even seem to notice anything out of the ordinary, even when Crystal was molesting them.


I personally spent most of the run off trail.  I met some fine people along the way including two homeless guys with the finest hobo coats you ever saw.  I asked if I could trade them a lampshade for one of their coats but they just looked at me in disgust.  I kept working them for a deal until they adamantly said no, so I tried to rip the hobo coat off the biggest guy when he and his partner turned into homeless ninjas and kicked my a$$ until I ran away.  They were nice enough to chase me in the direction of a trail mark.  It was the first one I had seen in 6 or 7 miles but it was definitely a trail mark.  I followed the trail until I could hear whistles or horns or maybe it was a woman screaming because Crystal was molesting her.


Did I not already say how much I hate Hash Halts?  I still do, except for once it actually worked to my advantage.  Right out of the hash halt we crossed paths with the local PoPo who looked a little disturbed but didnít make a move to stop anything.  PoPo didnít even stop Crystal when was molesting the giant chicken.  And I agree with 2F*ck that running in front of a cop car wearing a lampshade and holding a badminton racquet should be considered hash-like behavior.


After being lost a few more times, we all finally made it to the beer stop.  Iím guessing this was the home of Madame Yuck (spelling?) who seemed to be dressed for something other than hashing.  Beer, Lampshade prizes, and door prizes would come next.  Locknut Monster was the winner of Most Original Lampshade with his totally awesome light-up lampshade.  DickSmith deservedly won for Biggest Lampshade or Best Lampshade.  (Is there a difference?  You know you all had lampshade envy.)  Madame Yuck was on a mission to give away any useless crap lying around the house so many won picture cards of some kind.  Just Doug won a big-hump hat and Just Shirley won big-hump shorts.   Oh, and then we did someoneís name.  Who was that?  Whoever it was made a mess spilling beer everywhere.  (Sorry Madame)  What was that name?  Run Snob Poo Pants?  Leaf It In My A$$?  Now I remember, itís Stink Palm.  In honor of my new name Crystal molested two more people.  If you havenít seen it already, check out the clip from Mall Rats at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MfVVjpVZP8I  


After the beer stop we made our way back to Circle.  There may have been a trail but I only saw like two dots.  Circle was the usual long boring piece of $hit except this time Postage was wearing a Viking lampshade.  Hash$hit somehow made it to circle although Bama Mate was a no-show.  How does that happen?  Arenít you supposed to carry the Hash$hit on trail?  I know, I know, there are no rules in hashing.  Iím learning that more each hash.  I donít know why but I got nominated for Hash$hit and won easily over the hares and Crystal.  Crystal, of course, was so mad he molested three more people including Madame Yuck who seemed to like it a little too much.  He would have molested more but he had trouble catching G-Spot and it slowed him down.


I donít know what happened at the on-after but Iím guessing people drank beer and ate some stuff and if Crystal was there he molested more people.


The Second Aníal Lampshade Run was by far the best lampshade run Iíve ever seen, but only because itís the only one Iíve ever seen. 


Stink Palm


Lampshade attire apporpriate

START:  737 Kingsland in University City, 63130 in the parking lot.

METRO LINK? : Yes, Delmar stop is 0.7 miles away

Walker friendly: Yes


Bust out your best lampshade design.  The hares will be handing out special gifts to those who are creative!!!





WEST     Hwy 40/64 and 270:  

Take 40 eastbound to Exit 33D for Skinker/McCausland Ave
Turn left on McCausland which turns into Skinker and go 1.7 miles
Turn left at Delmar Blvd (traffic light) and go 0.5 miles.

Turn right at Kingsland Ave (traffic light) and go ½ a block

Turn right into Ciceroís parking lot, look for lampshades


EAST     Hwy 40/64 from the Dark side:


Take 40 westbound to Exit 34B for Skinker Blvd/Clayton Rd

Turn right at Skinker Blvd (traffic light) and go 1.5 miles

Turn left at Delmar Blvd (traffic light) and go 0.5 miles.

Turn right at Kingsland Ave (traffic light) and go ½ a block

Turn right into Ciceroís parking lot, look for lampshades


NORTH    HWY I-I70:  


Take I-170 southbound to Exit 2 for Delmar Blvd

Turn left onto Delmar Blvd and go 2.7 miles

Turn left at Kingsland Ave (traffic light) and go ½ a block

Turn right into parking lot behind Ciceroís, look for lampshades


SOUTH    HWY 44:


Take 44 eastbound to Exit 282 for Laclede Station Rd/ Murdoch Ave

Turn left onto Laclede Station Rd and go 0.4 miles

Turn right at S Big Bend Blvd (traffic light) and go 4.3 miles

Turn right at Delmar Blvd and go 0.3 miles

Turn left at Kingsland Ave (traffic light) and go ½ a block

Turn right into parking lot behind Ciceroís, look for lampshades


On after: Cicero's  6691 Delmar Blvd, St Louis, MO  63130

For more info or if you get lost, call PMS at 314-221-5411 or $exorcist at 618-974-9618 

Big Hump Hash House Harriers - St. Louis, Missouri - Established 1999