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Wednesday 02/20/2008 #686

Dewey Sexual System & HammerTongue @ ???

Hash Trash:

I knew it was going to be a fun night as I'm driving through U. City, hopped up on Exedrin Migraine, listsening to some Nelly.

I show up, relatively early (on-time), and Lock Nut Monster comes over as sincere as he could be, tells me he's taking the hash cash tonight. I laughed in his face and nervously looked around for Sexorcist or the Crab Shacker . . . nope . . . no one else around. So I give him my ten spot, and he takes a ten from somebody else and walks away! Turkey. Big fat liar. Turns out he was just collecting money so he could fill his perscription for his anti-fungal cream.

The rest of the crew shows up, and we got started after we got tired of Whiney Bitch bitching about getting started.

Now is a good time to mention that I noticed that PMS had some goofy silk purple henkie around her big hoodie and bum-coat, but I wasn't going to ask questions about it. Who ever knows why she does what she does. It's also worth noting that Sexorcist looked like "Shoot-to-kill Gumby" with his big camo ski pants on. I couldn't even see him from the waist down.

Dewey gave some pathetic chalk-talk, and virgin-hare-even-after-like-two-years-of-hashing Hammertongue drank a beer and let her do all the work. They neglected to tell us how much time they needed, so in the nice balmy weather with the gentle breeze, we thought 2 minutes would be sufficient.

ON-out! I was the FRB for about a foot, and the pack lapped me and we ran around shouting RU? and ON-ON! like good hashers do. Next stop, Hash Halt! Wait for a minute, rub out the marks and keep going! We're getting thirsty, but at least the spring-like temps kept our spirits up.

All of a sudden, the previously well-marked trail falls all apart. Everyone was lost and confused, and what do I see? Gimpy PMS with a broken meta arsehole standing on the corner in her bum-coat chatting on her cell phizzle. Weird. She's supposed to be auto hashing with Sexorcist and Puss-N-Boobs. And she has a broken foot. Why is she walking trail? I know! Let's follow her!

Next thing I know, we're drinking slightly better beer than normal! And beer-stopping like we've never beer-stopped before! Only to notice that Dewey and Hammertongue are hanging out at his place just across the field . . . Trail's been hijacked! So, good thing Sexorcist wore his camo. And PMS wore her granny-bandit-bandana.

So we discussed the loony eclipse, and made sure to not look directly at Gladdy's full moon, and got to Hammertongue's place for the "official" beer stop.

Time for a naming! We got so much good dish from Just  Nick. And I had what seemed to be a bottomless can of Stag. Some great name options were thrown out, but alas, we still are not harboring a "Goat Fucker." I suppose Nick is a Boat Owner Fucker, but that wouldn't have lasted. Because he's a lawyer (note to self . . .) (habeaus corpus), and DID IT on John Paul Jone's crypt (Led Zepplin), he's been reborn into hashing as Labius CorpseSex! Fun.

We get back to the on-in and drink and sing. SO-SO performed an Eiffel Tower. Several hashshit nominations, and with great pride, I'm happy to report that after 6 years of hashing, Lock-Nut has WON his first hashshit! Poor chump didn't even get to drink out of a plunger!

Now that I think about it, that was a pretty shitty trail.

Do My Butt


Venture out and watch Hammer trust me to help him lay his first trail! Mu-ahahahahahaha!
Wheelchair Friendly: Most likely.
Walker Trail: If your walking one of my trails then you have serious laziness issues.
Metrolink:  Get off at Delmar Loop Exit, walk your a$$ down Delmar.
Start:  Parking lot behind Cicero's, 6691 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, MO 63130
Map Link

From IL:  Take your choice into MO: 64 W or 55/70W, to get to the Poplar Bridge. Take 64/40 going West. Get off at Clayton/Skinker Exit 34B. Turn RIGHT onto Skinker. At Delmar turn LEFT. Continue down Delmar and take a RIGHTonto Kingsland. Turn into Parking lot and look for Hashers.
From MO:  I tried to do this, but it made me all confused and backwards. Most of you Google or MapQuest it anyway. Or just follow the IL directions and use your detective skills to figure it out. I've never done a trail in St. Louis when I have to get all technical.
ON AFTER:  Cicero's, easy enough, right?
For problems, call Dewey @ 618-795-5305, although I doubt I can help you. You are the ones from MO, remember?

Big Hump Hash House Harriers - St. Louis, Missouri - Established 1999