2 rivers. Fire. Beaver. Parenthesis. Wienie sticks. Hobos.
Have I sparked your interest yet? Good.
A small group of hashers met in a lovely parking lot (go figure, pavement-pounding-son-of-a ...) in St. Charles, which I, Dewey Sexual System, the scribe, had to cross 2 rivers to get to. 2! Seriously. As I pulled in I was quickly met by So-So, Pornogenic, PMS (hobbling with her broken foot) and Postage Tramp, our long-winded R.A. Whiney Bitch
showed up a few minutes later, looking tired and flour-covered. Hmmmm.
Further inspection (and photo evidence) led us to believe mud of some
kind would be involved. Double Hmmmm. Arabian Moon and Red Face Pink Slip showed up, looking mighty thirsty. Soon, Help Me I'm Wet and the beer arrived, in her own store bought cardboard cooler. Cars slowly pulled in: Do My Butt, Nurse Hashshit and FeFe, Duzzy Cum, ICHY, Lock Nut Monster, and lo and behold, Stiiiiill Just Fuck-ing Tom!
After PMS pointed out there were no virgins or Justs in attendance, but Whiney
went ahead with chalk talk anyway. After drawing what looked like a map
to buried treasure, he was soon on-out. We consumed beer and chatted
with friends, before realizing that we too should be on out. Let's go!
We ran through the parking lots that cover St. Charles and Frontier Park. Then we got to run on brick roads, or cobblestone, as DMB called them. After the brick roads came running on wooden slat. Icy ones. Nurse, DMB and Dewey
decided to walk. Then we got to run on the street. We were informed in
chalk talk that there would be a Turkey Eagle split, so we kept our
eyes open for it (we usually run with ours closed) not that we needed
to, as 2 were placed side-by-side. Thanks, we really needed that.
So we take the turkey, naturally, seeing as the eagle went through
the muddy graveyard. Running along, we see a lone hasher in the
distance. Porno decided to brave the turkey by
herself, luckily we caught up to her, as she was having trouble seeing
the dots in the moonlight. "Why?" one might ask. Because they had
become wet and driven over, the same thing Whiney Bitched about a few weeks back at DMB's B-day hash! Hypocrite...
Finally we get to where we think the 2 trails meet up, we see the
true-trail arrow and head down the alley. We must be far behind because
we see nothing. Then we hear whistles and what sounds like Postage. We need to find trail, quick! Then we see a hasher, we run to meet them, and it's Whiney
laying a Hash Halt (not explained in circle) by the true trail arrow.
We were acranium! Obviously being faster than us, the hare soon lost us
and we were again at the mercy of the trail. Hearing the pack behind
us, we were now in a race for FRBs. Luckily, we emerged on the most
beautiful of letters: BN. Having been told to look for fire, we headed
towards the "beach" by the river and there was the BS, hare, the beer
bringer (SJFTom) and a hobo? Upon further inspection, it was simply PMS in her hobo coat by the fire drinking a beer. Our mistake.
The rest of the pack joined us and the hare was again out. Lock Nut
spotted a beaver by the fire (an actual beaver, please remove minds
from gutter). We took pictures of the hobo and soon left the silt-iness
(is this a word?) of the beach area. With an added 10 pounds of wet
sand and dirt, we trudged back to circle. A too eager Still Just Fucking Tom dropped
the cooler in a hurry to not have to be the one to hoist the hobo back
onto solid ground (don't worry, broken foot and all she made it up the
mud slide). A restless DMB was caught tying Porono to the tracks, and a few harriettes contemplated who was portrayed in a statue in Frontier Park (I think we decided Lewis and Clark, minus an Indian, plus a dog). At last, back to circle.
With the creation of I Feel Tower's (not present
by the way) new rule of circle lasting only as long as the temp, we
celebrated by drinking some beer. FRBs (all female) DFLs (all female)
and backsliders took part, as well as the hare for laying another
shitty trail. However, when thoughts on trail was posed, Pinky
responded "No Comment." Eh? What does that mean? This is why we later
awarded him hashshit. Since no proper receptacle was present, we used CliffBangHer's (also not present) 100 run mug. Ha! Take that Mardi Gras King! Dewey
poked some people with her wienie stick (how can you have a fire on
trail and not warn us to bring hot dogs? For future reference I always
keep plates, napkins, cups and a wienie stick in my trunk!). After a
fairly quick (for Postage anyway) circle, we headed to some bar for more drinking and giant pizzas.
Delicious trail Whiney!
On-Out to Saturday!
Dewey Sexual System
