On the twelfth day of Christmas, blah, blah, blah, twelve hashers pubbing (St. Auggie Boy, CliffBangHer, Duzzy Cum, Dick Smoker, Liquor/Poker, Headcheese, GladHeAteHer, 2 F*ck Canuck, Numb Buns, Help Me I'm Wet, G Spot, Sticky Fingers, and Just Dash) met in beauteous Valley Park to partake of pre-holiday cheer. After a brief and uninformative chalk talk, hares StAB and DS led the pack (minus Just Dash, who was imprisoned in the car for the duration of the evening) on a grueling trek across the parking lot through mediocre shiggy to Donahue's, where a number of pitchers were consumed. Gladdy gleefully swilled the last drops of combined beer and spit, photographed his crotch, and then the pack was off again.
More mud, more rain, more beer, this time at Shooter's 141, fortuitously located within shouting distance of the Christian Science Reading Room. 2FC graciously snagged a copy of some of the fine literature from the reading room for the edification of the pack. The hashers were joined by late-cummers Postage Tramp and PMS, who were both sporting the ever-popular "Santa's balls are attached by giant springs" style of cranium gear. There was much grumbling in the pack about rain and the lack of checks of any kind. To compensate for the latter, Numb Buns provided a "secret" chick check in the bar while claiming that she was "cocksided." The majority of the pack was off again, to be joined eventually by yours truly, rescued from being left behind in the ladies room by 2FC and L/P.
We set off to find the pack, guided by Cliff, whose sense of direction and ability to follow sign are legendary. After a hike of what seemed like 40 miles in the pouring rain, we ended up at Meremac Jack's, site of the on-after. We picked up later late-cummer LockNut Monster, saw Strap On (clap, clap) Strap Off in her finest Mary Poppins attire, and then headed back the way we had cum. We managed to find the circle, which was (as advertised, Cliff) cleverly hidden under a bridge. We slid down a muddy embankment on our asses and joined the rest of the pack. There we were treated to a number of hashers "watering" a Christmas tree, StAB reading a fine piece of poetry, and a circle that RAN OUT OF BEER. Sweet. The hash adjourned to the on-after, where many tasteful and festive gifts were exchanged. Hard to say which gift was better: Duzzy's green fuzzy dick/balls/wooden shoe combo, or Cliff's "Low Rider-esque" froggy.
Respectfully and tardily submitted,
Come spread some Christmas beer to all the bad hashers. In this holy season, learn how Auggie's Boy earned his sainthood.
THIS WILL BE THE Christmas Eve Eve Pub Crawl & Gift Exchange. Bring a unisex gift.
Bring Cash for the many pub stops.
Walker Trail: YES
Metro Link: NO
From the West (270) take 40/64 West to Hwy 141 South.. Take 141 South to Marshall Road. Turn left onto Marshall Road and make an immediate right into Meramac Valley Plaza. Look for Hashers.
From the East: Take I64 West to Hwy 141. , Take 141 South to Marshall Road. Turn left onto Marshall and make an immediate right into Meramec Valley Plaza. Look for Hashers.
From the South: Take 44 West to Hwy 141. Cranium North to Marshall Road. Make a right onto Marshall and another right into Meramec Valley Plaza. Look for hashers.
From the North, Feed reindeer. Drink a beer. Hitch reindeer to sleigh or sleigh to reindeer. either way, drink another beer. Put on Red suit and drink another beer. Load your cooler of beer into the sleigh for all the bad hashers. Okay, forget the hashers, drink them all yourself. It is a long trip. Tell the reindeer you want to go the the St. Auggie's Boy & Dick Smoker's Christmas hash and gift X-change. They will know where to go. They ALWAYS know. If your reindeer have the night off. Take 170 or 270 to I-64. Take 64 West to Hwy 141. Take 141 South to Marshall Road. Turn left onto Marshall and make an immediate right into Meramec Valley Plaza. Look for Hashers.
On After and gift X-Change will be at:
Meremac Jack's, 100 St. Louis Avenue, Valley Park, MO 63088 636-529-0800
Incase you get lost, or need further direction, contact Bama Mate (618)593-4175.