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Wednesday 10/24/2007 #660

PMS, I Have a Dick & G-Spot @ ???

Hash Trash:

Let this hash be a lesson to all you up and cumming hares.  The more beer
stops you have, the greater the chance for lost, drunk, and/or naked
hashers!  Every red blooded hasher with a half mind met in a gated parking
lot in the geographical center of St. Louis last night to celebrate world
peace.  And what better way to achieve world peace than by drinking every
import beer known to exist.  Purple Muffin Stuffin, Plot My G-Spot, and I
Have A Dick were set to lead us on our worldly tour of intoxication.   Once
we circled up, they showed our virgins how to follow trail(follow someone
else), what to do in case you got lost(find a bar), and how to properly
check the chick checks(boobs).  The hares were given an hour headstart and
the pack prompty followed with vessels in hand.

The trail was filled all sorts of obstacles and pitfalls.  Most notable
was the sidewalk.  It rose up out of the ground and gave Jack Rabbit Slim
an awful thrashing.  Down, but not out, she picked back up and continued
on.  There were many check backs, chick checks, and blow jobs but it all
ended just around the corner from where we started.  Beer Stop #1.
Without really working up a sweat, everyone delighted in various beers of
the world.  After all the beer was consumed at the stop, hashers dodged
through traffic on Grand and followed the trail to what appeared to be an
unfinished house.  The best part about this unfinished house is that it
had a giant BS in front of it.  Beer Stop #2.  More international delights
were consumed.  This is when I learned that there is only one thing that
hashers like more than a beer stop, and that's another beer stop!  The
hares dodged out and the pack gave chase.  Because I am slow and was
starting to get drunk, I kind of stayed behind a little bit to focus on
beverage consumption.  But I was in good company with Just Jason and
Fartfignugen.  We made our way towards Tower Grove park and saw
flashlights bouncing around in the darkness.  Oh those tricky hares!   They
are going to lead us through the park and then lead us all the way to The
Tin Can.  I just know it!  We picked a good spot on Arsenal to ambush the
hares because who wouldn't want to depants them and dump beer on their
But after a while no one came.  So we said fuck it and headed to Tin Can
anyway.  Beer Stop #3?  Sadly there was no BS in front of the Can.   Sure
as hell didn't stop us from going inside and slamming a couple though.
Once out, we heard the sweet sound of Pussy Fart's voice and learned that
the real Beer Stop #3 was in Tower Grove Park.  And we ran all the way to
the Tin Can for nothing?  To catch up to the pack, we sprinted back and
picked up trail.  We weren't on it very long, because Holy Shit, another
BS!  Beer Stop #4.  This time it was in a bar called Rileys.  The regulars
didn't seem too happy to have us, but they were just pissed that they
weren't as drunk as us.  The walkers strolled in and looked even more
fucked up than we were.  Apparently they had the same idea that we had and
made their own beer stops at a Martini Bar and a Wine Bar.  Nice work
wankers!  After many beers, brief nudity, and yelling at stupid video
bowlers, we stumbled back to the On-In and attempted to have a circle.
But as you can guess, not much of one was had because everyone was
trashed.  After yelling hash hush several times, I decided to just give up
because there was no amount of yelling that could have gotten everyone to
be quiet.  Amazingly, awards were given out.  Here is what I'm pretty sure
happened.  Viper Snatch and Frozen Cum Shot drank for being front running
bastards.  Fiddle Her On The Roof and Pubic Head drank for being dead
fucking last.  Yeah, I know.  They are usually in the front but when you
get a little Murphy's Irish Stout in them, the really slow down.   Hashshit
nominations were as follows.  The Hares for not having enough beer stops.
Do My Butt for eating peanuts off the ground...again!  And Just Lynn for
getting flashed on trail...by a local with a 9mm Glock.  And wouldn't you
know it, Just Lynn barely beat out Do My Butt for eating peanuts off the
ground...again.  Congratulations Just Lynn!  The worst part about the hash
was that our main goal was to drink enough to make world peace a reality,
but the threat of violence is still out there.  Maybe a 5th beer stop was
needed.  May the Hash go in PEACE.  May The Hash be flashed a PIECE.


ps.  The on-after was full of beer, cheese, shots, arcade bowling, jukebox
skipping, and more shots.

Big Hump Hash House Harriers - St. Louis, Missouri - Established 1999