Catholic School Girls Gone Wild @ Dog Townish
Hash Trash: Only the Good Die Young
An average pack of 80 hashers gathered near dogtown in rare form. Jesus Himself was smiling down on the pack, who were diligently preparing for their weekly bible study. The hares, Meta Areshole, Kick My Balls and Jack Rabbit Slim had their work cut out for them as they prepared to lead the blasphemous heathens through the fire and brimstone that would be this weeks hash.
Most Likely to Fondle Little Boys goes to Cliff BangHer for his highly concealing priest robe. Other priests to note were Kick My Balls and Postage Tramp, but their shorts weren’t big enough to hide an entire little boy under.
Most “you’re not fooling anyone in that clip-on tie” goes to Hog Tool. You can comb your hair over, tuck in your shirt and clip on a tie, but that big ol’ tattoo and shit-eatin grin give you away every time.
Most Prepared goes to Nurse Hashshit for remembering the spankin’ ruler. How did she know that hashers would misbehave?
Most Unlikely to be a Rockstar ironically goes to Momma’s AssPorn. See photos.
Most Picked a Good Day to Backslide is a tie between Still Just Fucking Tom and Frozen Cum Shot. If I were a big-ass backslider, which I’m not because I don’t have a life, the Catholic Schoolgirl Hash is the one I’d return for.
Most Likely to Illuminate the Blackest of Nights goes to Crystal Meth Elliott for the full moon he gave half the pack when he bailed running in fake Birkenstocks so we could find our way.
Most Unlikely Costume Change goes to Burning Asshole for trading his plaid skirt for my black crinoline petticoat.
Most Effort for the Theme goes to Lock Nut Monster. See photos.
Most Likely to send me to therapy and cause life-long nightmares goes to Lock Nut Monster. See photos.
Most Cute in Pigtails is a tie between Help Me I’m Wet and Dead Squirrel. Don’t know how they got that short hair in pigtails, but I was lovin it.
And onto the rest of the hash . . .
Chalk-Talk commenced skirts were lifted. Pigtails were yanked and spankings were gifted. Postage, dressed as appropriately as ever, blessed the hares and they were off. A minor announcement was made that this was an A-to-B trail, and we were on our own to get back.
The infidels-I mean-HARES found some narsty hills which the pack gleefully skipped through taunting Nurse Hashshit and resulting in spankings. For our sins, the pack was forced to beer-stop in mosquito-alley, where this scribe tried to wack off skeeters from peters for the duration. Here is where I expected to partake in some heavenly wine, but alas, got a Stag. I must have been a bad girl. At least there was something. The pack took off again, playing frogger with the traffic and zenning through the vast parking lot. Resident Mexican, Hummers Para Libre found the shopping carts and “talked” Hog Tool into giving her a ride. But K-Mart apparently has a more highly qualified security team than the U.S. Border Patrol, and busted her at the border. She was sooo close. Maybe next time!
Circle commenced at “B” which was about 50 yards from “A.” Those sneaky wabbits. Flossit with a Faucet found a stripper pole and violated it completely, with help from Hot Doggie Style and other various harriettes. Just Greg reminded us that it was holy Hash Wednesday, and hashers were anointed with flour crosses on their faces to show their faith in the hash.
Down-Downs downed for obvious reasons. Hashshit nominations included Little Spoonful of Shiggy for forgetting someone’s? name (heh), Postage Tramp for a couple things, Ass Backwards for being a quitter, Do My Butt for something trivial, I’m sure, Still Just Fucking Tom for being gone so long, getting hitched (game over), and using my vessel as a garbage can. And the plunger goes to . . . . SJF Tom!! Now he has to come back to attempt to get rid of it!
Wack-On Wack-Off led us to Swing Row, and the hash got a piece.
Twas a blessed evening with 80 of my closest bible-study friends.
Do My Butt