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Wednesday 06/06/2007 #628

Disco Ass & Keyless Entry (Keyless Bday Trail) @ Country Club Hills in North County/City

Hash Trash:

Disco Ass & Keyless Entry (Keyless Bday Trail)

Wednesday June 6th 2007 #628 

Country Club Hills in North County/City


Imagine the hounds excitement at the prospect of going to a Country Club Hash!!!  Alas, this one was short on tennis and golf and long on policemen and chalk outlines of dead people.  As Just Brian, one of Country Club Hills’ finest, said:  “Usually the only people running around here are being chased.”  It was quite an honor to have an official escort throughout trail…


As befittin’ the ‘hood, FREE personalized lanyard tags sported rap lyrics were given out…They were a thing of joy and happiness.  There was only one bloody fight over choosing favorites. 


Our hares for the evening, Keyless Entry (happy birthday, f*** u), Disco Ass, and their illegitimate brother, Muppet Puppet F*cker did an excellent job laying trail and losing the hash.  It was a spectacularly sunny warm day…All enjoyed channeling their Vitamin D and the failure of their deodorant.  Doesn’t matter what trail you were on:  Eagle , Turkey or Extreme Turkey turned Extreme Eagle…all got lost.  There were even maps read very badly…Happily, all found the beer stop eventually.  And the Stag flowed readily right over the hill, and 30 feet from the police headquarters.  “What’s a Fingerknobber?” was explained more or less.


Urine Trail demonstrated how to run like a Harriette with a cooler on your shoulder as we sadly ran out of beer and had to move on. 


Any Cock’l Do cruelly made Lazy Ass four-wheel several times.  After we picked him up and dusted him off, he kindly offered to hold her beer as she pushed his butt up a mountain.  Great line to be used in the future…Especially if you are thirsty.


Meathead, in spite of being the National Guard Transportation expert, can’t read a map unless it is written in Japanese.  So we finally met up with our visiting Japanese virgin, Just Satoshi (pronounced Sat-owsh), who couldn’t read the damn thing either, but taught the drunks how to say his name in Japanese, and how to politely bow…


Wee Willie Winky explained what cold water does to his winky, but the harriettes thought his winky was always wee, so didn’t get the point of the story.  Nurse Hashit did a great imitation of a Stag to get the last beer, and we talked the guys in the neighborhood with guns out of shooting her.


Tippy Canoe and F*ck Me Too cooed at vicious pit bulls on trail.  We saved her from being eaten alive by the dogs only to have to save her from the hash hounds.  She had to drink later for having the most bling on trail…she found a lovely hubcap and proudly wore it between her legs most of the evening.


Just before the scary people came out after dark, we were back to our starting point, that French place-Tar Jhay.  A football materialized.  PMS and Any Cock  made all the winkies bigger with their lovely quarterback butt touching lesbian moves…and we all took pictures for further study. 


The pack finally circled.  The hares were honored with “Incest is Best” sung by PMS, Pi, and Help Me.  The birthday girl, Keyless Entry, got spanked but only by her brother…Guess they already knew that song.  And we sang to Keyless because she took her first legal, of age, drink of beer.


RA, Postage Tramp, put in a not so silent prayer that all the virgin hariettes would not choose the short song, story or joke option, and show lots of voluptuous hidden body parts.  Guess he hasn’t been too good, ‘cause his prayer wasn’t answered.  Ass Backwards did three shitty demonstrations on how to drink in circle…and they still don’t know what to do.  There were virgins aplenty, and told hysterical jokes to amuse the pack.  One virgin, Just Matt?, graced the scribes with his huge, throbbing body part.  It grew bigger and bigger in our minds as the beer flowed.  Was he porn star, John Holmes, white brother?  Let that be a lesson to all-show the scribes your wee willie winky and it will be much larger in print than in person J  Cute Just Satoshi showed his chesticles and there was much rejoicing.


There were many significant runs honored.  Keyless Entry 22, DMB 55, Whiney 275…but Loch Nutt Monster was really honored by Do My Butt.  He still hasn’t recovered.   Hounds drank for attending the KC campout.  Whatever.  Some of us have to work.


Holateral Damage skated in really late from a hockey game looking like he just rolled out of bed….We can fantasize, can’t we?  There is some other note about Traveling Salesman in KC?  Make up your own punch line.  Gei Blade or Huggy Bear (depends which of his personalities you are talking to on any given day…think he just wants double the headbands for significant runs) drank as a latecummer, too, and drank again because he forgot to take off the giant beer mug on his cranium.  Dumbass. 


Ten hashers drank for new shoes.  Did you not get the memo?  Or do you just love to drink beer?  Everyone with beer mugs drank so we could get the RA to drink in circle.  Bastard.  Biermeisters, Help Me, Nurse Hashit, Urine, Cliffbangher,  and Spoonful of Shiggy had to drink for the beer they delivered.  It is a thankless job, but how we love them so.  I think Cliff drank for something else, Pi & PMS drank for translating drunk Japanese into drunk hash lingo, and two hashers drank for no hash attire.  Somebody got hashit.  Oh, it was Tippy Canoe for bling as previously mentioned.


Dang, we had fun, huh?

Yes, notes were kept on trail, and yes, “hall monitor” was a good description, and yes, they were damp from major beer spillage.  But all of you were very bad, and need to be spanked.


Joyfully submitted by your faithful scribes,

Help Me I’m Wet and Pi Whole


Come on out to the North Side on Wednesday June 6th. Keyless Entry will celebrate her birthday a few days early by leading a trail with the help of her older brothers Muppet F*cker and Disco A$$. We will be leading the pack through our childhood stomping grounds of the Country Club Hills/Jennings area.

Are you sick of hashing in nice, clean, safe residential areas? If so, then this is the hash for you. We will expore the ins and outs of near North County/City area. See why the Fingerknobbers abandoned this area for the greener pastures of Phenton in the late 90s. Experience the joy of a run in with the CCH Police department, who annually rank in the Metro area's department list of highest grossing traffic ticket revenue.

As incentive, the first 50 hashers will recieve a One of a Kind, Customized Bulletproof Lanyard Tag.

Metro Link: The start is ~3 miles north on Lucas & Hunt Rd from the UMSL South Metro Link Station.

Map Link

From 170/40:  Take 170 North to Hwy 70. Get on 70 East, ~3 miles, Exit at Lucas & Hunt Road. Go Left (North) on Lucas & Hunt ~1.5 miles. You will come to an intersection with W. Florrissant Rd. At the intersection you will see a Target store. Look for hashers in the lot to the right of the Target.

From the Ill side: 40/64 West, at the Poplar Street Bridge, go North on Hwy 70 ~10 miles. Exit Lucas & Hunt Road. Go Right (North) ~1.5 miles. You will come to an intersection with W. Florrissant Rd. At the intersection you will see a Target store. Look for hashers in the lot to the right of the Target.

On After is yet To Be Determined. There will be a walker's trail. The Fingerknobbers encourage you to Get Your Rat Out!

Incase you get lost, or need further directions, please contact Bama Mate @ (618)593-4175

On On!

Big Hump Hash House Harriers - St. Louis, Missouri - Established 1999