Norman Bates, Are you Shitting Me & Mother Theresa @ St. Charles Area - what a treat they are cooking up for us!
Hash Trash: Hash # 622 took place in Kansas City…or so it seemed from the Illinois hasher point of view. Ok, so St. Charles isn’t even close to K. C., but it was quite a haul. As it is with every hash, it was well worth the drive.
I will always remember hash # 622 as the hash that Hummers Para Libre introduced me to her boyfriend Dapper Jack. Pee water is not as nastay as I thought it would be, even the Canadian-American stuff.
Prodigal hasher Still Just Fucking Tom decided to grace us with his presence for the first time in about 6 months as did newly weds Bama Mate and Famous Anus fresh from a honeymoon in Jamaica.
Our largely bespectacled virgin hares Mother Theresa and R U Shittin’ Me were lei’d by veteran hare, Norman Bates. Chalk talk was directed toward virgins Just Dana, Just Dave, Just Burl and Just Erin (cliffy note: you're welcome).
After 15 more minutes of ingesting beer and other ethanol containing beverages (isn’t that why we’re all here? – besides the awesome company of the hasher family, of course) the pack was on out.
Lazy Ass and his walker posse Puss n’ Boobs, Flossit With a Faucet, Vipah Snatch, Licka Good Neighbor, Meatball, Just Terri and Just Burl were lucky enough to be able to have R U Shittin’ Me there to lead them to the first beer stop. By the time the wankers…I mean walkers got there, the sweat was already drying off of the runners. MCs Do My Butt, Shut the Fuck Up Tyrone and Crystal Meth Elliot engaged in a rap off rapping the theme to Fresh Prince of Bellaire. …I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie, “Yo, Homes smell ya later”… Who knew a white chick would know all of the words to Will Smith’s ‘Parents Just Don’t Understand’? DMB does.
Beer stop number dos came shortly after the first one, except for the hashers who ran past it and had to back track. I’m not naming any names, Plot My G-Spot, Ass Backwards, McGutterslut, Whiney Beotch. By that time people were wishing that they had invested some time in the application of insect repellant. Sweat, humidity and bugs…not a desirable combination. Throw a little beer (or pee water) in the mix and that makes the conditions infinitely more tolerable.
At some point on trail, Pees Like a Princess and GladHeAteHer decided to play troll and hide under a bridge to scare the underoos off of DMB. I think it worked. Maybe that’s how the koozie got there.
I actually witnessed PMS, Keyless Entry and Hummers rolling down a hill, then scale the 12 foot fence into the pool area to slide down the waterless slide into the waterless pool. You guys are freakin’ nuts!
DMB and Plot My G-Spot were the proud recipients of the dual hashshits. G-Spot, I think you are working on a world record for most consecutive hashshits…I know I’ll keep voting for ya!
The on-after was at R.U.S.M.’s place. All I can say is WOW! Awesome crib, R.U.S.M.!
All in all it was just another shitty trail…