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Saturday 04/28/2007 #620

Wee Willie Winkie & Follow the Urine Trail @ Belleville

Hash Trash:

The www.fut Trail

Since the dawn of time men and women have been looking for something to do on a Saturday afternoon in Belleville, IL.  This Saturday we found what has been sought after for so many millennia, drink a bunch of cheap canned beer behind a chinese restaurant and chase after a couple guys in green shirts. 

Who might these two find gentlemen be?  Who else but Follow The Urine Trail

and Wee Willie Winkie.


Your humble scribe arrived at the hash extra early to make sure he was able to gather up all the information he would need to write some of the best trash ever to be written during a lazy Saturday afternoon...  Soon, other hashers began arriving and the lot began to bustle with activity.  Dapper Sapper, our local eco-friendly Canadian, came strolling in after a long walk from Saint Louis.  He challenged the perils of East Saint Louis to unexpectedly hash on a Saturday and there was much rejoicing.


Backsliders Hummers Para Libre, Licka Good Neighbor, and Flossit With A Faucet graced us with their eternal beauty, while Bee My Friend rejoined the pack from far away lands... Our visitor Derelict enjoyed the lovely weather, something he could never find at his home kennel in Hawaii...


Our fabulous RA, Meta, gathered the pack for circle.  The long lost Flossit brought with her the overly bejeweled Hash Shit, not realizing that she would soon be drinking a delicious concoction of martini and beer from it.  She could thank Viper and Just Theresa for the contributions.  Some songs were sung, some chalk was talked, some hares were blessed and the pack was off!


Halley's Comet took an early lead as he raced toward the finish so he could go home and study... NERD! Whichy Ways were prevalent as were true trails and TP.  Soon the pack found themselves patrolling the boarder of a small forest in search of trail...  Meta "Eagle Eye" Arsehole spotted TP within the jungle and the pack dove in like Rambo.  Navigating the trees, vines and poison ivy the pack found a creek to be crossed.


With the hesitation of a lion chasing its prey, Coppus Rejectus jumped into the knee deep waters and made the crossing.  He would have been blazing a trail had anyone actually followed him in.  Instead, the others opted to find dryer spots to get across, with hope that the Army Corp of Engineers would be in training building bridges somewhere near the area.


On the other side of the crik was the Beer Stop, in the back yard of Just Terry and Just Daisy.  There we would consume more beer and more wine.  Someone noticed that the Hash Shit was not with its rightful hasher.  It had made its way from the hands of Flossit, who despite earning it was too proud to carry it herself, to Just Chris, who despite not even knowing what it was, was dumbass enough to carry it for her.  This great offense would not be forgotten during circle.


This would be the first of two Beer Stops.  Beer was drank, walkers were waited for and phone calls were answered until the hares were off again.


The trail took a couple confusing turns and a few ins and outs and heres and theres until the pack found a strange mark.  Something that wasn't spoken about during chalk talk, something that could be compared to Sasquatch's footprint.  A large splotch of flour that was poorly masking a true trail beneath, which turned out to be a mismark that actually did mark the true trail.  Confused?  So were we...


Running past some strangely familiar homes and people, the pack found the second beer stop.  As if the hashers hadn't torn up their yard enough Just Terry and Just Daisy were willing to have the hashers back for another visit.  The runners found the FRBs, Viper and Just Theresa at the second beer stop leisurely snacking on pretzels and sipping on beer and wine.  More drinking and a little Alouetting was done to Licka and the hares exited again, warning the hashers to follow the true trails, which turned out to be about as true as Hugh Grant.


Fortunately the pack was not quite as half-mind as the hares.  As the group passed a few more Sasquatch footprint marks, they came upon a true trail that went the opposite direction of the start.  Having learned a lesson from the Mismanagement Election "Jeans Friendly" trail, the hashers were smart enough to know that if trail goes away from the end, then you should just run the opposite way.  My have we evolved!


Circle was sweet, as this was a special someone's 100th Hash!  Follow the Urine Trail, who is still in search of a life, was given his fancy inscribed bottomless mug.  And since he is the one and only Follow the Urine Trail, his cranium band was blessed by every single harriette at the hash, making him the luckiest bastard alive. Blacksliders were brought in, songs were sung, accusators accusated, and Hash Shit Nominations were made.  Bee My friend was awarded the Hash Shit for dodging a paternity test like fat kid in... well you know.


FUT and Just Chris managed to confuse the others with their different drunken and mumbled directions to the On After, but surely the hashers could simply find their way by the smell of beer.  There the celebration continued, however this hasher needed to go home as he left his home at 6AM to make it to the hash on time.


Most Respectfully Sincerely Lovingly Submitted,


Your Humble Scribe and man to cheap to buy Microsoft Word,


Long Duk Dong

The Donger need food...


Is this trail near a metro link station?:  Sort of, 1.5 miles from circle.
Is this trail stroller/wheel chair friendly?  yes




From MO - from JB bridge take 255 N to exit 17A 
- go east on hwy 15 to hwy 159 (approx. 8-9 miles)
- left turn onto 159, go .3 miles
- turn rt onto 158 go about a mile
- at 2nd 4-way stop go straight onto McClintock ave. about a mile to stoplight
- turn rt on Carlyle Ave, procede about a half mile through stoplight turning rt on Denvershire (first street after stoplight, taco bell on corner
- look for hashers on rt in parking lot behind strip mall


From (Poplar street bridge) downtown: 
   - Either take 64 east to 255 S and exit 17A and follow above directions
               - or take 64 East to hwy 159 (12-13) miles, 
               - Go south on 159 approx 4.5 miles
               - left on hwy 161 for 2 miles (intersection of Jack in the Crack and CVS pharmacy)
               - left at Carlyle ave (Regions bank is on rt just before you turn at stoplight)
               - rt on  Denvershire (first street after stoplight, taco bell  on corner)
               - look for hashers on rt in parking lot behind strip mall

From IL (If your close to or East of Scott AFB)
- 64 to Scott AFB exit
- south on hwy 158 approx 3.5 miles
- rt on hwy 161 go approx 4 miles
- turn left onto Denvershire (street immediately after Taco bell)
- look for hashers on rt in parking lot behind strip mall 
Anyone taking the metrolink:

- belleville stop

- exit rt at platform

- left on bike/walking trail (approx .8 miles)

- left on carlyle avenue (just after school on rt)

- rt on denvershire (a little more than 1/2 mile, taco bell is on corner)

- hashers will be behind strip mall on right


Anyone metrolinking interested in just the on-after at Cutter's Bar and Grill:

- belleville stop

- exit rt at platform

- left on bike/walking trail (approx .8 miles)

- left on carlyle avenue (just after school on rt)

- Cutters is immediately after metrolink overpass on left on carlyle ave.


On After Location:  Cutters’s Bar & Grill 239 Carlyle Ave, Belleville, IL 62221

In case you get lost or need further directions you may contact Urine Trail @ 618-604-0331.





Big Hump Hash House Harriers - St. Louis, Missouri - Established 1999