Disclaimer: Just because a few hasher's decided to name three
girls "Dewey's Posse" does NOT mean I am responsible for their actions.
They showed up wearing shirts for my virgin trail and although I was
not aware of the plan, somehow I got held accountable (and had to drink
a 10 High infused Hash Shit if I recall). So no more holding Dewey
responsible. I do not control the posse. Now, on to the highlights.
GladHeAteHer's trail in Edwardsville was a
remarkable journey into the underground city we Illinois people like to
call Bike Trails. When I arrived at circle (early again!) I was
surprised to see a lot of not-so-familiar faces. Could these
be-gasp-virgins? They were! And the best kind: female virgins. Oooooh.
But what else did I see? No hashers. Boooo. Where was Bama Mate? We were in Illinois after all. And Licka? Sexorcist? Turd Burglar?We
were in Illinois after all and don't you live here? Ah well. A gift was
given to the hare, a nice family-oriented DVD that he could watch after
the run. It's weird to find DVDs that have you name in the title, isn't
it? We circled up and listened to chalk talk. A manager of the movie
theatre interrupted us, but someone assured him we were just getting
ready for a run and no, of course there is no alcohol involved. Wait,
is someone talking about baby wipes? Apparently they stick better to
the ground in the wind. We'll find out later they are not quite as easy
to see. The hare was out and we groped and mingled. I made the mistake
of asking Frozen Cum Shot who the scribe was, thinking I missed it. He replied, "Well, you are now." Damn my luck. On-out!
We left the movie theatre parking lot and found ourselves across
the street, searching for those damn baby wipes. This was not going to
be an easy trail. We finally discovered where we were and what we were
supposed to be doing when I noticed we were back across the street,
running next to the same theatre we just left. Hmmmm. More running
through a field and we arrived at the first bike trail. Sadly, it would
not be the last. there was a check shortly after emerging from a tunnel
and Follow the Urine Trail noticed that we had to get back up on the road. This was exhausting. A chick check was set and Dewey Sexual System
went searching (haha guys!) and found trail (yay me!). Heading toward
ESIC Drive, I noticed a very familiar setting. As we ran through the
subdivision I realized why: Just Laurin's car! Sitting in front of Turd's house!
So we did what nay normal hasher's would do and ran on top of it and
put newspaper under her windshield wipers. Mission accomplished. The
hashers hit a check back 19 or something so we craniumed the other way.
After more running, chick-checks and indecision, I saw my parents
house. I ran in to steal beer, but instead got chocolate pudding and
water. Then some of us got lost. Any Cock'll Do, Tippecanoe and Fuck Me Too and I
found two virgins aimlessly walking far away from trail, so we righted
them and set off down bike trail #2. This would eventually lead to the
beer stop, at the Market Basket.
The only thing I remember from the beer stop is some creepy guy in
a beat-up blazer trying to sneak up on the crowd. He supposedly knows Runs With Boner.
He had a sticker on his vehicle that said: "Git Er Dun" which is not
only spelled wrong, it's jut bad grammar. Leave the boyfriend at home
next time Boner. I didn't do the rest of the trail either, I got a ride
back to circle so I could drink more, seeing as I started to sober up
on the first half.
I think circle was when things started getting a little _________
(insert own word here, like MadLibs). There were virgins: Just Jill,
Just Cindy, Just Liz and Just Sydney. No boobs :( Dewey and Flossit with a Faucet
got cranium bands, 25 and 100, respectively. Flossit also got
a special mug which I thought was a joke because of the glass bottom.
You tricksters! For some reason Any Cock and Tippe were wrestling
during hash shit nominations, which was unfortunate because Tippe was
being nominated for CliffBangHer like behavior (see photos). Cliffy was
also nominated for giving up meat for Lent. Which is fine if you were
Catholic, but he's not. Whiney Bitch was up for something to do with rope and finally
Just Mark for being a member of the posse and not
having a name (actually the only real posse member not named is
Just Laurin-what? is everyone from Illinois in my posse?). There was
too much distraction with Tippe's panties being ripped (Just Mark
should have been called back from the nomination for that-he did give
her the Atomic Wedgie that led to her ass being shown). Who won? It was
a trial by down-down with all four nominees. Hmm, who will win (hash
shit that is)? Yay Tippe, you got it! What happened next is a little
confusing. PMS told Tippe that if she couldn't finish it she
could hand it off to someone and they have to drink it. I may have
missed class a couple of times, because I do not remember this rule.
After finding out who she may be handing it too, Dewey slipped to the
other side of circle. Tippe, confused tried to hand it to Just Mark. By
handing it I mean throwing it. I think it may be time to go to the
More confusion at the on-after. After eating my meal and chatting with Duzzy Cum and Just Jill, I noticed a make-out session to my left. I'll let your imaginations take over, but it did involve
Hammertongue and the same drunken hasher for which he got his name. I was tired, so I left. All in all it was another shitty trail.
Oh yeah, Cliff, next time you ditch an on-after because they only
serve meat, realize that they do have beer. Oh and some pretty good
garden burgers and potato/cheese appetizers.
Meet at the Showplace 12 Movie Theatre in Edwardsville
Is this trail near a metro link station?: Nope
Is this trail stroller/wheel chair friendly?: The Walker's trail is a maybe. Not sure about sidewalk coverageMAP LINK
North: If coming from the North, get on I-270 and take it East into Illinois
. Get off on Exit 12 and make a left(North) towards Edwardsville. Follow this road(Highway 159) about 2 miles and take a left at the Hostess “Bargin Day” Store. For those that don't like landmark based directions, this is Center Grove Road/Goshen Road. There is a Hope Depot on the right for reference. Stay on this for about 3 blocks and turn
right into the Showplace 12 Movie Theatre parking lot. Look for Hashers near the back.
South St. Louis: Whether you're on I-55, 64/40, or 44, take them to the Poplar St. Bridge. Stay on I-55 until you see an exit for I-255 North just before Collinsville. Take I-255 North to I-270. Get off going East and follow the directions above once you get to Exit 12.
From IL -
South IL: Take I-255 North to I-270. Take this East to Exit 12. Follow the directions as listed above. Or just take Route 159 North through all the wonderful towns of the Metro East until you hit Edwardville and take a left at the “Bargin Day.”
On After Location:
BW3(aka Buffalo Wild Wings) on Route 159, just North of the Movie Theatre
and next to Dierbergs. There should be plenty of shiggy on this trail so bring your mud boots.
In case you get lost or need further directions you may contact GladHeAteHer @ (618)406-7684