Princess/Bama Princess's Birthday Hash @ Fairview Heights
Hash Trash: Dear HashHouse Forum,
I never thought I'd be writing to you or that anything like this would
happen to me.
It all started last Wednesday in wonderful Fairview Heights. It seems all
of my escapades are happening in Illinois recently. I stumbled upon a
group of bundled heathens outside of a local beauty supply shop. Upon
entering the circle of drinkers, I immediately grabbed a beer and was
offered a half eaten burrito from Dapper Sapper. I've gotten this far in
life abiding by two rules. Never smell someone's finger if they offer it
to you and never eat a half eaten burrito. Now half drank beers are
another story. After I slammed my first two beers to "get in the mood",
our RA for evening, Meta Arsehole, suggested that we circle up. Any
Cock'll Do filled up her lovely hashshit that she won the week before in
Troy for spilling beer on trail. Maybe she should drink out of the
hashshit every week because she didn't spill a drop. Our virgin hares for
the evening, Pees Like A Princess, Just Dawn, and Bama Mate(born again),
entered the circle to describe to us what we would see on trail.
Princess explained to our virgins All Hands On Dick, Fire In The Hole,
Imagine My Erection, and Pistol Whipped that should expect to see a dots,
titty checks, Check Back 777, a Beer Near, an Erotic Stop, and an Erotic
Stop Beer Near? We were also informed that this would be a dead trail.
Three hares for a dead trail? Come on hares, where's the honor in that?
Everyone groped up and then groped up Viper Snatch as an honorary Frozen
Cum Shot tribute. After I opened my 5th beer, I was reminded that this
was a dead trail and that I wouldn't be getting the complementary 15
minute cranium start/finish my 5th beer warning. The pack was off!
It was really hard to run in the cold with a full beer, but following the
trail was easy since I was running next to the hares. Nice! As always,
my constant stops to finish my beer dropped me to the back of the pack. I
was in good running company though as Sexorcist, Hummers Para Libre, Do My
Butt, Dewey Sexual System, Any Cock'll Do and Just Laurin were behind as
well. We drank Jack Daniels, groped fire hydrants, and rescued Licka Good
Neighbor and our hare Bama Mate from a gutter. What were you two vixens
doing down there anyway? With the occassional stop to take pictures of
yard signs and dumpster wangs, we eventually wandered our way into the
beer stop. Many a pitcher was consumed and many a local was offended by
our hedonistic ways. Since I showed up late, the runners took off as I
was downing my second beer. Wanting to warm up a bit in the bar, I
decided to join the walkers for the second half of the run. Before facing
the elements again, I decided to make friends with my company of
hariettes. I bought a round of Blow Jobs for the hariettes and watched
them go to work. Viper Snatch used her mouth where as Tippecanoe and Fuck
Me Too used a little hand action to finish the job. All were marvelous to
watch though. We walked back to the circle, but found no Erotic Bear Near
Stop along the way. Luckily almost everyone knew where Pure Pleasure was
and for the first time, the walkers decided to run a bit. Nothing makes a
hariette run like the thought of an oversized novelty erection. Many
hashers were already there lingering about the merchandise. Sexoricist
was eyeing up Jenna's ass, while Keyless Entry was going hardcore with the
gay threesome porn and the Mature Love Doll. Purple Muffin' Stuffin' also
showed our out of towners how she got her name. After some long awaited
browsing, fondling, and purchasing, we were off to get more beer.
Once back at the circle, beer and munchies were broken out and everyone
circled up. Erotic Stop purchasers showed off their wares and drank.
Significant runs were all hariettes and very significant runs were all
hairy. No juicing of headbands this time which was a shame as I'm sure
everyone was a bit worked up after the Pure Pleasure stop. Our out of
towners regailed us with songs, jokes, and asses, and a Red Bull Truck
stopped by and got everyone just a bit more wired. Nothing like the combo
of Red Bull, Busch Light, and Pork Rinds to take the edge off the weather.
Hashshit nominations were a bit cloudy, but Pees Like A Princess was
nominated for all sorts of behavior. Some say he was nominated for
solving the checks as a hare, but I think it was because of his goofy
looking limp rabbit ears. Any Cock'll Do also warranted many a cheer from
the crowd for losing the hashshit at a bar the week before. Such
unhashlike behavior from two beloved hashers could only result in the
second most exciting hash event: Trial By Down Down! The first is boobs.
The warriors lined up against each other and slammed! It was close, but
the judges decided Pees Like A Princess was the loser of the trial and the
winner of the Hashshit.
Everyone swang low, then raced for home or Show-me's to get warm. At the
On After, Just Austin was named Little Spoon Fulla Shiggy. Rumor has it
that he likes to be the little spoon when cuddling and has been through
his fair share of shiggy through the years. Ask him next Wednesday for
more details. All in all, it was a great trail full of virgins, piss
fetishes, blowjobs, dildos, anal dice, porking, and one sombrero.
GHAH from IL