Ah. Licka's Lickable Playground Hash. Or maybe it was the
Welcome All Pedophiles Hash. Part of it looked like a Pay Our Respects
to Dewey, R.I.P. Are you trying to tell me something?
Good thing I stopped on trail to pray. Hash #597 started in Troy, but
honestly, I had no idea Troy was that big, so I think we ended up
somewhere else. I found it to be an evening of firsts, but I'll point
those out along the way.
Circle up! The Edwardsvillians made it before the circle and grope shot (#1 it's about time!) and were able to drink a few before we left. Good for them. Licka
led us in chalk talk which was very informative, although really all
she had to mention was the chick-check symbol and that would have been
fine. We had a visitor, Ass Backwards, from "everywhere" as he put it.
Apparently not from the Midwest, otherwise he would have had long pants
on. Speaking of long pants, Urine was sporting a pair
(#2 Urine not in shorts). We were told before we left that there was a
new mark on trail, LPG. Although my father told me that stood for
Lesbian Pro Golf, this new abbreviation stood for Lickable Play Ground,
where we would find things to lick on trail. I know all about licking
things at the playground, but I still felt uneasy doing it in Troy.
On out! The pack was away and already in trouble. We came
to a check that seemed pretty obvious. It wasn't straight (blow job)
and there was a small icy river to our left (frozen puddle) with no
footprints, so we had to go right into the field. Wrong! It was to the
left, across the ice covered 'lake'. Silly us. We ran for a little
while longer and then saw a playground. I did not find anything worth
licking there. Then we came to a chick-check. Luckily, Just Laurin, Pornogenic & Dewey were around to
check for trail. It was found and we came to the beer stop. Yay! We
found candy hidden on the (playground) equipment and a stripper pole in
a pirate ship. Or a fireman's pole, as CliffBangHer innocently pointed out (#3 first time a
hasher did not think like a pervert). The hares left, beer was drank,
and again we were out.
Chick-checks Galore! As the pack ran, I noticed something
strange about the second part of trail. This was quickly realized by
the first (of many) chick-checks. Dewey is the only girl with the
runners. Fuck! After I checked all three ways before finding the
correct path, the usual FRB's decided this was unacceptable and I no
longer had to check the chick-checks. Unfortunately for them, they
missed out on the boobies! Ha ha ha ha ha! I actually did the rest of
trail topless, cutting down flag poles along the way with my
razor-sharp nips. Ouch! Anywho, while, the Just Jeffs, Just Austin, Ho-Lateral, FeFe, Urine, Shiggy Stomper, Halley's Comet and Turd Burglar cleared the way, I made it back with lots of candy as DFL. Occasionally
Ricky's Crab Shack, CliffBangHer, and Just Kurt would walk with me. Pees Like A Princess
left trail early, after taking a picture of a gravestone labeled Dewey
(there was also a Dewey street and a Dewey School, I must get
around...er, be popular). The best two quotes of the evening were Cliff
telling a woman in a funeral parlor van that we were walking in the
cold because "we're a running club, the three of us are just tired."
Just Kurt telling me that "it's good to be DFL. That way we already
know where to go. Besides, they're just going to make us drink, which I
planned on doing anyway."
Back at circle! Circle was done in triple time, thanks to PMS. Part of me thinks Postage Tramp
was trying to screw with her and make circle longer, but he would never
do that. FRBs and DFLs (me!) were announced, as well as significant
runs. Sexorsist was again called out for his 25th run, I guess this makes 50 and Any Cock'll Do
was awarded her 10th cranium band. Those are still on the boat, so she
was given a 25er to save for later. After Dewey christened it with her
Tide scented vagina, Any Cock promptly lit it on fire, showing the hash
what she really thinks of us (#4 mutiny of the hasher). Non-hash attire
wearers, non-whistle blowers (isn't that a good thing?) and no-namers
were asked to drink. Accusations were made for candy hoarders,
chick-check skippers, and posse members leaving Dewey alone and scared,
so scared. Hash shit nominations were given to Lizzardo, Ass Backwards, and FeFe for huddling by
the space heater; PMS for nominating people for hash-like behavior (if
she took her pills she can't drink, are you trying to kill her?);
Postage for not being able to control the weather and Halley for
bleeding on trail with no Shiggy (that may have been an accusation).
The Golden Septar was finally awarded to Any Cock, for spilling three
or four beers in circle. Ironically, she spilled none of the beer from
the plunger (#5 first time a hash shit down-down was completely
finished, although it took half an hour). We swung low and went to the
on-after at Hornys.
On After! Tippecanoe and Fuck me Too and Just Mark
made an appearance. I guess I was wrong about the Eville people making
it on time. We ate food and left candy for the workers (kidding Licka,
we took it!). Just Alec tried to buy every Harriette a shot and also
tried to make him mom smoke a cigarette. I see who the bad influence is
in this family. After everyone had left, Any Cock realized she forgot
the hash shit at the restaurant, but called Just Mark to get it for
her. Tsk tsk.
May the force be with you and may the hash get a piece,
Dewey Sexual System
