Maybe not from the depths of the pond, but back from Carondelet
Huggy Bear, Funky, yes but of the Big Hump
Urine Trail fell twice on his ass, but it's still the same
South City is the spot where I am served down-downs
Follow me, follow me, follow me, follow me, but don't lose your grip
2007 is the year for me to fu** up shit
So I ain't holdin nuttin back
And yeah I’ll bring my $5 at the start of the hash
It's like that and as a matter of fact [rat-tat-tat-tat]
Cuz I never hesitate to drink beer on a hash
Yeah, so peep out the manuscript
You see that it's a must that I take the big-hump hash shit
What's my motherfu**in name?
Huggy Bear, Beeeeeaaaar (yeah yeah yeah)
Huggy Bear, Beeeeeaaaar (yeah yeah yeah) (the bomb)
Do-do-do-do, doo-doo-doo-da-dahhh! (Bear)
When you arrive at a hash, you never know what to expect. It is easy to forget that every hash is a once in a lifetime experience. Normally you think about things like “Where the HELL am I going, these directions suck!” or “How much beer am I going to drink tonight for $5?” or in my case “How hot is Dewey’s Posse going to look tonight?” Yet, it is easy to forget that the night is unpredictable and magic is going to happen. …a lo and behold… tonight magic did happen… and it happened early; Who made Lazy Ass disappear after the beginning of the hash? Was he stolen by the Turd-burglar (in his tights?) ?
Tonight, Wednesday January 3rd, 2007, was a 44 degree night that brought out a sweet part of South City , Carondelet Park . The hares Cliff Bang-Her and the Memphis hasher - Doggy Style Double Stuffed - led one of the shittiest trails I have ever been on. They took everyone across the park (including a nice bridge over troubled water), down some streets, to a check back, then took us to another park, down some railroad tracks (that included a train barley missing some DFL’s), then to a beer stop, and then finally back to the park. (or something to that effect)
Half of the Finger People Family was present (Disco-Ass, Just Lynn, and Keyless Entry)… and so were the homeless guys (Crystal Meth Elliot and Shut the Fuck Up Tyrone)… Like Voltron, those two come together to create something greater; yet in this case, the end result is a sense of mayhem in the hash. It was a night that brought out (at the beer stop) Viper “hottie” Snatch and her recently waxed BMW which thoroughly enjoyed an occasional love-tap by random balls such as an overly-weathered “basketball” and a out-of-commission “football”. It was a night that brought out Lick-A-Good-Neighbor in her ever so fine Allen Iverson sweatshirt and her story of a pit-stop at Schnuck’s half-way through the trail to pick up some extra-alcohol… yet… the real question is WHO NEEDS EXTRA ALCOHOL?? Do the beer stops not provide enough?
It was a night were Huggy Bear, Just Jeff, Mile High Baller, Urine Trail, Hog Tool (minus his red beard), Postage Tramp, I-know-how-to-party-Sexorcist, Keyless Entry and a few others participated in a Basketball game at the beer stop ... umm… or was that hacky-sack? And how could we forget Disco-Ass drilling the passing train with the basketball and Urine Trail falling multiple times on his ass at the beer stop. And since the subject of falling on trail has come up, how could we forget Keyless Entry falling on trail and –most notably- leading the hash to a check back and in the wrong direction after the soccer field.
Then there was the guy who can’t keep his nose out of dumpsters and other people’s trash. Yes I am talking about Postage Tramp and his Christmas-light-covered deer. Who would have known he would have started something so sinister. I can’t even write what Dapper Snapper and Whiney Bitch did with the deer; it was disgusting. The poor deer was looking into Vipers trunk, hoping to be rescued, but no. Then there was Disco and the other Just Jeff carrying the deer after the beer stop. Disco ran the deer’s face into a street sign. Just Jeff… well… as far as I can remember… he made out with the deer or something to that affect. Now that we are taking about deers, Huggy Bear was watching out for the dears. That’s how the hash pimp makes his cash. Just Jenn (did she lose her dog on trail?) was looking as fine as ever. I can’t remember if Do My Butt was even at the hash; and if she was, her attitude (but not her camera) was suffering tonight. Now it is time for a moment of silence. The homeless guys killed the deer after the trail. (Silence please)
Now if we are going to write-up Postage for picking up a deer (which was later killed) how can we forget that Any-Cock’ll-Do showed up with a sign entitled “For Sale By Owner?” If this is the case why is she not allowing Huggy Bear (hash pimp) to share in the profits? How can we forget that someone hooked up PMS with business cards yet no one else has them? Cliff Bang-her?
And then there was ever-so-fine Dewey Sexual System showing off her easy-access sweat pants and Meta Arsehole checking them out. Did Glad-He-Ate-Her really show up with an Illinois shirt? I thought his wardrobe consisted only of shirts with dirty sayings on them? While it was good to see Just Lynn, Just Zach, Huggy Bear showing St. Louis Cardinals Pride… what was up with Dewey? Who really follows the Cleveland Browns? Elbow Deep in the BreadBox it was good to see you at the hash even though I have nothing entertaining to write about. Just Suzanne I know you claim you are flying low on the radar but after your 16th (not 15!!!) hash, I think it might be time for you to be named.
Just Lauren it usually isn’t a good to tell the writer of the hash trash to write about how hot you are. If the hash trash writer does that, he/she could disappear during the following hash… but seriously… can the Turd-burglar return Lazy Ass? Just Zack it was good to see you back to your sobriety this week.
Congratulations to Just Suzanne for her 16th (not 15th) hash, Disco-behind for 22, Urine I-was-wasted-at-the-Red-Dress-Run Trail for 75, Pee’s like a Princess for 33, Just Jeff for 10, Just Keith for 10, I-know-how-to-party Sexorcist for 25, and to those who I forgot. Congrats to Just Jeff (Whiney), Disco-Ass, and Whiney-Biaaaatch for being FRB’s. Also Congrats to Shut the Fuck Up Tyrone, Muddpacker, Blow Me MeatHead, PMS, and Do My Butt for being DFL’s. Also it is nice to know there are honest people like the Finger People who made sure PMS got her coat back from the Pimp’s and Ho Ho Ho’s Party held on Saturday. I can’t remember who got Hash-Shit but it was probably Huggy Bear (the hash pimp) for being so PIMP in circle. Honestly he cannot help it… you know it… he knows it… and I know it.
Finally how could a typical great hash end? In only one fashion… YES… with half of the hash jumping -dressed in their finest and hottest underwear- into Carondelet Pond. You don’t see this stuff everyday.
Ok everyone, don’t forget that next week, Janruary 10th is the Mad Cap Dash. Are you mad-ferrit? Are you ready to show Huggy Bear some love? Disco-Ass?
And how could we forget Hollateral Damage sporting his new tag line… “Everything Looks Better in H.D.?” Ladies, does it?