While waiting for the official trash, we hope you enjoy this lovely description of the evenings activities brought to you by Dewey Sexual System.
The evening started off promising enough. I walk up to circle late as usual, but the hares havenít left yet, so that was good. In honor of Bamaís birthday, she and Puss Ní B00bs made about 6,743,823,145 shots. I drank one only to find out that they made skittle shots by dumping skittles into vodka. Needless to say I passed on the next one. We circled up and reminded everyone why Frozen had the hash sh-t. Bama presented some people she hared with personalized bags. I guess during the shot making her and Puss got a little confused and gave a certain someone the wrong name. This even after they sent many an email asking for the correct name. So thatís where the other 567,892,346 shots went. Famous was away with Puss and Bama shortly thereafter. Minutes passed and we were on out.
After two chick checks and apparently a check-back that half the pack missed, we arrived at the first of three beer stops. Drinks were had, friends were made. It seems we had some visitors last night, with Fat B@stard (Vegas), Dancing Queen ( North Carolina ?), and Guerilla Wh0re Fare ( San Diego ). After some chit-chat the pack was on-out (again).
Before reaching the next beer stop, Disco @ss tried to take Dewey to the Motel. Hopefully this comes out before the pictures do or youíll see that it may have been the other way around. At this bar things started to get interesting. Meta decided it was finally time to name Just Tanya and after three options, one was picked and she will now always be remember as Tippecanoe and F-ck Me Too. To celebrate, she went behind the bar and humped the 90 year old bartender. Merry Christmas to him! On-out to yet another bar.
I think this was when most people were frigginí loaded. Someone tried to bring the dogs in but Just Ally and Just Jake were sadly made to sit outside. Again Meta felt it time for a naming, and we change Just Josh to Crystal Meth Elliot and Just Chris to Shut the F-ck Up Tyrone. Unfortunately he never shuts the f-ck up, hopefully this changes things. In the midst of the namings and crazy times to be had, someone noticed a sprig of mistletoe conveniently located in the middle of the bar. From what I know, Dewey was attacked by Tippecanoe, Duzzy attacked by Dewey and Meta attacked by Just Jen. Welcome back Jen, we missed you! We were soon on-out in what would later become the largest walker pack to date.
Passing through a parking lot, the walkers, all 69 of us, found some kind of pet store in which hashers defiled dog houses and farm equipment. We ran (walked) through the streets of Waterloo (well, most of us, Licka fell down once), laughing and snapping the hash flash at every opportunity. It was glorious. As we approach circle, the usual FRBís were there, waiting in the cold for the drunks. During circle, significant runs were announced, as well as the newly named. Tippecanoe was awarded her tenth and Lizzardo his 50th cranium bands. Virgins came out and introduced themselves, but I had to stop watching because Guerilla pulled his pants down to give us a short joke. There was some kind of candle ceremony for the birthday people, the two hares, Any Cockíll Do and Just Mike? Since it took forever for them to light their candles (drunk people drinking beer with fire in it-great idea Bama) we had a rousing rendition of Jesus Saves, in honor of the one true birthday this week. Are the candles why Bama got hash sh-t, or just because she was the most drunk Iíve ever seen anyone? Not sure, but she got it, along with a shirt that says Itís My F-cking Birthday. People were hungry and restless.
We swang low, ate pizza, drank more beer and all got DUIs on the way home.