Oh the weather outside was frightful.......... Well not so much but later that night. Crap wrong story.
The evening was dark and dreary until Princess and his girl "Just Dawn" showed up at McGurks for the start of the Big Hump Pub Crawl...err stumble. Arriving kind of late allowed for the crew to have a few beers head start. Lets see there was Keyless in her sparkly santa hat, Cliff Bangher, Ricky's Crab Shack (oh yeah it only happened once), Meta Arsehole, Just Austin, Just Bryant, Lizzardo, Fat Bastard and Meta's Entourage (I can't remember everyones name). Pleasantries were exchanged and beverages were consumed. Soon after everyone departed for the next stop.
But wait, Meta led us on a detour to the land of Star shaped waterfalls and Pomegranate Vodka. What?????? Yes Pomegranate:
pome*gran*ate / Pronunciation Key -noun
1. a chambered, many-seeded, globose fruit, having a tough, usually red rind and surmounted by a crown of calyx lobes, the edible portion consisting of pleasantly acid flesh developed from the outer seed coat.
While Meta retrieved the lovely liquor, Mud Packer and Elbow Deep arrived with big hugs in tow for everyone to receive. All rejoiced and sang a little ditty before tasting such a sweet treat as Meta provided...........ON-OUT to Joanie's.
Wow, Ricky did his job proper.....he had lined up some kind of spiced apple shots for the gang at Joanie's. Some had pizza and beer to fill their bellies and we had more join us for the crawl. Hummers, Fe Fe, Iron Lung, Antrax Tampax and Queen of the Pussies arrived to fill out the pub. After everyone sang and did some down downs Meta called ON-OUT to the gift exchange site..........A.K.A. Johnny's. While most of us went to Johnny's......Cliff and Keyless went to the blues game....more on that later.
When the Big Hump arrived at Johnny's, most of the guys jaws dropped to the floor. No it wasn't beer specials either. All the waitresses were very scantly clad oh and felt so nice. I for one, grabbed a handful or two of young stuff. Anyway, here the beer flowed free and I am pretty sure some new hashers arrived (Pee Pole`,
Dicksmoker, Postage Tramp, and PMS) and we also picked up a non-hasher (Jeffro - yeah I spelled it right). After a few drinks we had the Dirty Santa.... Lots of alcohol, Porn and other cool items exchanged hands....Bottles of wine were opened and people groped....er hugged.
ON-OUT to Hammerstones
Who do we find at Hammerstones? Yes it's "DO MY BUTT" she liked the place so much from this summer that she just wanted to hang out early there. But what is this about a cover? Ricky to the rescue and we were shuttled to the back courtyard with a heated tent for us to party in. Here is where more debauchery occurred. Cliff and Keyless arrived, back from the blues game or was that the 2 hr motel? Cliff was acting as Santa and brought........err acquired a rather large sack of delicious Popcorn. Boy that stuff really hit the spot. Fat Bastard and Lizzardo (FB & L) took it upon themselves to name or try and name a few Justs. Just Austin was first and failed to give us much of anything to work with..........FB & L had a name but I just can't remember it, I guess it didn't stick. The next try was successful. Just Sandy after explaning that her throat hurt was named "Throat Back Mountain".
Everyone loved the name including Sandy. The circle was broken before we could get to the "Man who was not in his normal uniform" Just Bryant.
ON-OUT to Molly's
The pack was rather tipsy and the trek to Molly's was starting to get blurry. When we arrived at the upstairs party pad we find a rather sharply dressed Ho-Latteral. The party was happenin'.....Disco lights and a DJ or was that JUST DJ? Who knows. The women and Just Bryant started to trip the light fandango while most of the men just drank and ate popcorn. After watching Just Bryant dance, I wanted to call him "Safty Dance" after that 80's Band Men Without Hats and the little Jig he was dancing. It seemed that our time at Molly's was shorter than the rest of the places and we were being shuttled out the door for the last stop on the our......
ON-OUT to the Great Grizzly Bear.
Little did I know there was going to be an actual trail on the pub crawl. Keyless laid a great popcorn trail to which a few of the drunks ate up. Then she showed a select few her goodies..........yes boys that's boobies. I sure wish I was there to see this glorious site but alas I was taken for the evening and was on my way home in the Princessmobile. From what I heard a rather large Grizzly Bear fell on Tinker. Someone else will need to fill in the rest of the story, though I doubt anyone can remember much else.
Pees Like a Princess
BH4 Hash #592
Pre-Christmas Eve Pub Crawl & GIFT EXCHANGE
Meta Arsehole and Ricky’s Crab Shack
5:00 McGurks Pub corner of 12th & Russell 776-8309
6:30 Joanie’s corner of Menard & Russell 865-1994
8:00 Johnny’s 1017 Russell 865-0900
9:30 Hammerstone’s corner of 9th & Russell 773-5565
10:30 Molly’s 816 Geyer 436-0921
11:30 Grizzly Bear corner of Menard & Geyer 231-0444
Must wear a Santa hat or some kind of Christmas hat!
This is a pub crawl, wear civilian clothes and bring money. We won't collect
Hash Cash. There will be no running trail.
Gift Exchange will take place at 8 pm in Johnny’s. For Christmas gifts we usually try to stick around $10. Adult themed gifts are always welcome, useful and often hilarious. If they want to park somewhere close to Johnny's where we're having the exchange they won't have to carry their gifts on trail.
Rather than driving home inebriated, crashing at Ricky’s Crab Shack’s
swinging bachelor pad with the beautiful farm-grown Christmas Tree or
Meta Arsehole’s naked spin the bottle palace is encouraged. Best place to
park would be along Russell between 9th street and 12th street or on Menard
between Shenandoah and Geyer. This would put you within 4 blocks of
both the starting point and finishing point. You can also park in the
McGurk’s extra lot on 12th between Russell and Allen, but if you do, I don’t
recommend going back to your car late at night as that’s where most of the
car-jackings and muggings take place.
From the east....cross the Poplar Street Bridge, take exit ramp for I-55
South / I-44 West. After merging, stay in right lane and take first exit
for 7th Street (Farmers Market). Turn LEFT onto 7th Street at bottom of
exit ramp. Go past Farmers Market and at 4th stop light turn RIGHT onto
Russell. Go 2 to 5 blocks and look for parking spot. First pub is McGurks
at SW corner of 12th and Russell.
From the West on Hwy 40...the last MO exit is shut down, so you must exit at
14th Street. At bottom of ramp, turn RIGHT, away from Kiel Center. At next
stop light, turn LEFT onto Cheautou. At next stop light, turn RIGHT onto
Tucker. Tucker becomes Gravois just before crossing Russell, so you will
turn LEFT onto Russell at 4th stop light. Go 1 to 3 blocks and look for
parking. First pub is McGurks at SW corner of 12th and Russell.
From the South...take I-55 north and exit at "Gravois/Russell". Turn RIGHT
at end of ramp onto Russell. Go 1 to 3 blocks and look for parking. First
pub is McGurks at SW corner of 12th and Russell.
From the Southwest on I-44 ....take the "Lafayette Ave." exit...this is a
left exit. At end of ramp, turn RIGHT onto Lafayette. At second stop light
turn RIGHT onto Tucker. Tucker becomes Gravois just before crossing Russell,
so you will turn LEFT onto Russell at 2nd stop light. Go 1 to 3 blocks and
look for parking. First pub is McGurks at SW corner of 12th and Russell.
and finally, from the North on I-70...once downtown, merge onto I-55 South /
I-44 West. After merging, stay in right lane and take first exit for 7th
Street (Farmers Market). Turn LEFT onto 7th Street at bottom of exit ramp.
Go past Farmers Market and at 4th stop light turn RIGHT onto Russell. Go 2
to 5 blocks and look for parking spot. First pub is McGurks at SW corner of
12th and Russell.
Incase you get lost, or need further directions, contact Meta @ (314)393-2072. Or you may contact Ricky's Crab Shack @ (618)972-4900.