A questionable group of individuals gathered on an unseasonably mild evening in mid Central South St. Louis County on Wednesday. Most were able to find the start among the stanking factories and sweaty warehouses of lower Affton. Frankie the Dick Thrusting Pussy Eater (and Just Jen) was to lead these roustabouts through the worst that the area had to offer.
After an excellent explanation of the directionals supposedly to be found on trail, the hashers paid homage to the voting masses of the previous evening. The issue at hand was not Amendment 2 or 8.5 or even 69. They had to decide on what should be the name of that dedicated and well rounded hasher, Just Sara(h). Much grief and indecision ensued, a multitude of beverages were imbibed, and finally they were off. Stumbling into a truck yard, the hashers were stopped in their tracks, as some ventured into a dead end crick, and others took to opportunity to relieve themselves among the idling 18 wheelers. Finally, the trail was located and the hashers dipped their paws into to potent sewage of Affton’s finest; they got a little wet.
Emerging from said river, they continued on to a lane and a trail through a parking mess that the hare obviously mistook for a throughway. As the hashers crossed the veritable aorta of South County, Mackenzie Rd, they startled the drivers who were simply out for a smoke or a ripe 8 year old. The colorful crew entered the residential section of the district and began their initiation to the spectacle that is, well…Affton.
Just Tanya took the opportunity to drop some F-bombs on some unfortunate suspecting neighbors. Just Sarah gave the departing Eat a Bloody Bitch an eyeful of going away goodness (well, I saw it too). Cliffbangher pulled the classic, “put a fifth dot in the middle of a check and see if a girl will take off her top because it’s a chick-check.” Better luck next time…
They finally arrived at the Beer Stop, Frankie’s humble adobe. They serenaded Eata and offered a beer bong, Haley’s Comet showed him how it was really done. Frozen Cum Shot and Eata led us all in a gut-busting ditty.
Another short stretch led us back to A. Whiney, Postage and Cliffy taking the titles of FRBs. The hares were honored, FRBs and DFLs, yours truly among the Backsliders. Significant runs included tiara-less Pees like a Princess, Just Sarah, Turd Burglar and others. Hash shit was given to Keyless Entry in regards to her cold weather and her glass cutting skills…(hey dude, that’s my sister, weird). A second hash shit was given to the one and only…
Eat a Bloody Bitch—we wish you the best as you emigrate the Land O’ Cincinnati. Never afraid to bring your bitches out, you showed us the way on many a hash, going off trail to find the elusive shortcut and questing for the title of FRB. You are always welcome among these Big Humpers, and I’m sure Urine Trail will never hesitate to pull down your skid marked tighty whiteys.
On After took place at the fine French Bistro, Café Affton. Just Sarah enjoyed the pleasure of receiving a well-deserved name, Dewey Sexual System. (Other suggestions included Snatch Crackle Pot, Dick-in-Vagina and Mason-Dick’s in Mine among others). We welcome you, Sister Dewey (Gooey??).
Swing Low, indeed. A fantastic hashing evening. On On!