What I am about to tell you is a true story. Names have not been changed to protect the innocent…we’re hashers, for God’s sake…none among us are innocent!
It was a cold Wednesday night in
Just Mike M. (T.B.N.L.) and Famous Anus were to lead this group on a horrifying journey into the darkness. The circle began, as it always did, with the ritualistic explanation of the strange symbols and markings that this group would encounter. Just Mike M. (cleverly dressed as the Hamburglar) was asked a series of questions that would provide the hashers with enough dirt to appropriately name him. Beers were consumed and off into the darkness went the pack.
There were runners, there were walkers and there were auto hashers…all wandering aimlessly through this God forsaken land in search of one thing. Beer. The walkers had an impromptu beer stop on the way to the actual beer stop courtesy of the auto hashers. Thanks to Licka’s outstanding navigational skills (only one wrong turn), Puss ‘n Boobs, Mudpacker and Licka’s lost souls found their way to the real beer stop located near a lovely gazebo situated right on the Lake of Fire and Piss (after several hashers emptied the contents of their bladders into the mucky waters). The runners were left to decipher the markings left by the hares. As the pack came to a chick check, Do My Butt (masquerading as a border patrol officer) prevented Hummers Para Libre (illegal Mexican immigrant) from revealing her hidden bounty by sending her off to find the trail. There was moaning and gnashing of teeth when the hashers of male persuasion were denied the one thing that would make their pitiful lives worth living. DMB decided to correct this horrible wrong by providing a glimpse of her fleshy treasures. The moaning and gnashing of teeth was quelled. After climbing (or sliding) down from civilization into the deep abyss, the runners finally found the glorious beer stop. It was as if a light shone down from heaven, cutting through the darkness, leading all who set out to find this mysterious place to the long searched for beer stop. And the drinking of the sacred beverage commenced.
Once the hashers had their fill of the beverage of life, they set out to find their way back through the labyrinth of darkness and misery to the circle. Mudpacker and Elbow Deep decided to fornicate in the front seat of Bama’s vehicle on the way back with I Wanna Ryder (dressed as a sexy witch), Meta (missing milk carton ad) and Flossit With a Faucet (hot devil chick) looking on. Walkers were joined by the testofest of Cliff Bangher (dead vet attacked by animals), GladHeAteHer (GI Joe, HOT American Hero), Sexorcist (scary ICP clown) and Wee Willie Winkie.
A sextet of runners made their way out of the bowels of darkness and back to the circle before the hares. Bama Mate christened the 10 run cranium band of Just Sara (Go Team Debauchery!) and, after much deliberation, Just Mike M. who will henceforth be known as Turd Burglar was so named. Bama was crowned hashshit for nominating hashers exhibiting hash-like behavior for hashshit. The on-after commenced at Sharkey’s where moderate quan-titties of beer and deep fried foods were consumed.
And so it was, Big-Hump H3 hash # 580.