Viper Snatch & Sexorcist Catholic School Girls @ Clayton
Hash Trash: Bless me father, for I have sinned. My last hash was Wednesday October
4th, and oh what a hash it was! Viper Snatch and Sexorcist were all set
in Clayton to lead us in their virgin lays dressed as innocent Catholic
schoolboys and girls. The Pack gathered in the parking lot of Bally's.
I'm glad to see others dressed for the occassion as well. Among the other
plaid skirt wearers were myself, I Wanna Ryder, Just Sandy, Urine Trail,
Antrax Tampax, Have BOB Will Travel, Just Sara, and Just Tanya. And what
a fine looking group of school girls it was!
Upon circling up, festive party favors were handed out. Rosaries, prayer
cards, and Jesus lyrics to name a few. The chalk talk was given by our
wonderful hares with the promise of a clothing change, a prayer halt, a
spanking check, and a few other surprises, and away they ran into the
night. But something seemed to be missing. Oh yeah that's right, we
forgot to mention that Just Justin was named Two Furlong Schlong!
Something about eating his pet horse or something. Congrats buddy! After
much rejoicing, it was time to pull Just John into the circle to find out
all of his dirty secrets. After many requests for him to speak up were
ignored, the pack was forced to quiet down and listen to get the dirt.
The most memorable incident revolved around John's reasoning for riding a
bike everywhere across St. Louis. Apparently several years ago, John
decided to drive home after having one too many. He was unlucky enough to
hit a car, fence, and telephone pole before eating glass and passing out.
He awoke several hours later, pulled glass out of his head and made it
back home. Those are pretty good reasons to ride a bike I think. Not
having had enough beers, the pack decided to wait until after the run to
come up with a name.
Everything started out pretty normal. We ran around Clayton, got spanked
by Whiney Bitch, and then ran straight into a fence at the end of an
overpass walkway. Wait, is it normal to be spanked by Whiney? Oh well.
Luckily, Cliff Bangher, with his penchant for finding rusty tools on
trail, grabbed a wrench and held the fence up for all to crawl under. A
Garden Party was run through before getting to a Metrolink stop exactly
where we started. We entertained the fine Metrolink passengers for a
while before getting off at Forest Park. Just after the stop, Pee Pole'
was attacked by a viscious sidewalk! Luckily nothing was broken in the
attack, but such a deliberate unprovoked attack was a little unsettling to
all the hashers.
Up and down and through the woods, many couple's romantic evenings were
ruined by the trampling sounds of feet, screeching whistles, and cries of
"Where's the fucking beer stop?" Luckily my second favorite mark was
spotted - BN. Oh so close.
We got to the beer stop, which also acted as a baby shower for Flossit and
Pull my String. A little late for Flossit, but right on time for Pull My
String as it was rumored that she had a baby that night. I know, I know,
Wednesday is a hashing day, not a birthing day, but I think we can let it
slide. Presents were opened, cake was eaten, and punch was ladelled.
Overall a good beer stop. Congratulations girls! There was also a rumor
going around that Runs With Boner and two other virgins caught the hares.
Was that true or was I just a little drunk? Probably both. On out!
As the pack sped along fueled by sugar and beer, it followed the trail set
by our sexy hares. More checks and whichy ways were about, but one whichy
way was set a little too close to a metro link station. While checking
which way to go, several hashers chose to take the midnight train to
Clayton instead of finishing the trail. Their reward for finishing first?
Beer and a ruler slap by the hares for missing a Catholic Church stop and
beating them to the finish. The other stragglers mosied on in and
replenished their fluids. A wonderful alter was built out of a sacred
palate and holy candles and we circled up. Just John received his Viper
soaked 10th run headband and was pretty excited. The virgins entertained
us with stories and songs and hashshit nominations were given out. The
hares were nominated for putting a whichy way so close to a metro link
station. Duzzy was nominated for losing his shirt. Urine Trail was
nominated for having sexy legs. Your's truly was nominated for going
commando under the skirt, and what the fuck, our RA was nominated for not
blessing the hares before they set the trail? And on a Catholic school
girl run no less! Now it all makes sense. The hares were caught before
the beer stop, the hares were beaten back to the circle by the
metrohashing pack. No wonder they had such bad luck. With the never
ending screams of how many minutes it was until they stopped serving food
at the on-after, Meta was declared winner of hashshit and the pack
enthusiastically swang low.