Chapter 1 – Scribe Wakes Up
It was a cold and stormy morning when I, your humble scribe awoke on Saturday. Lazy Ass, Bama Mate, and Famous Anus are going to have their work cut out for them.
Chapter 2 – Pre-Hash
So the weather held off, and the Saturday Hashers began to gather. Just glancing around, I was frightened, at first, of all the carnies and munchkins that were swarming the circle. It took a while, but I realized that they were really just hasher-offspring. Both of the two-legged and four-legged varieties. RA Meta Arsehole promptly got things started. Whiney B!tch and Just John down-downed for being FRBs, and Just Jeff showed up with hashit in tow, now donning a nut sack and a lug nut. I smell a theme, here.
Due to an unprecedented “crossing of the line,” a re-naming was in order. And seriously, there really is no evidence that Just Licia is a slut, per say. So new questions were posed of Just Licia and Just Frank. We learned that Just Frank defiled the steps of a church by doin’ it there, TWICE, with a neighbor girl. And we couldn’t get past Just Licia’s oral fixation. We were left to ponder the discussion for the length of the hash.
On to the blatantly uninformative chalk (chalk?) talk. With the haphazard tossing of some ginormous marks, it’s a wonder anyone almost got lost
Chapter 2.5 – The Hash
Plugging away on freakishly short legs, PMS and I, DMB barely found the Turkey/Eagle split. We recruited Just Keith and his dog, Just Ally to be used as scouts for any questionable terrain. It seemed like a good plan until JK and JA led us two unsuspecting hashers straight into the Eagle trail where we were practically trampled by all the racist Eagle hashers.
Chapter 3 – The Beer Stop
Longest. Beer Stop. Evah. Several hashers got wet. Only one inflatable toy was harmed. General Beer Stop activities. Viper Snatch and Lazy A$$ snuck away, and when they returned, Viper was muttering something about Lazy getting laid in his condo . . .
And we were off again.
Chapter 4 – Unlikely FRBs
I can’t report on the slackers, but I know PMS and myself were FRB’s. With Whiney and Just John at a distant second. It’s true! I swear! I was all like, “Wow! We’re FRB’s! Those chumps are too slow for us! Neener neener!”
Chapter 5 – Circle
The sun was high when circle commenced. PMS and Viper were de-loused (PMS’s head, and Viper down below). The Fart Family made an excellent showing (Fartfignugen, Pussy Fart, Sneaky Fart and Skid Mark). Down-downs were downed for new shoes, birthdays, having references to ‘booty’ in names, and other things this scribe can’t remember. The sun was setting and Meta showed no signs of slowing down, so the scribe had another beer.
Just Licia and Just Frank went off to play on the swings, which gave us perfect opportunity to talk about them behind their backs. Just Licia was re-born, and will forever be known as Lick A Good Neighbor. If any hasher can get through that without singing it, I’ll do your next down-down. Just Frank shall heretofore be known as Sexorcist. You can’t just DO IT on the steps of a CHURCH and not have that stick. (Ladies, if you think you might have a demon, Sexorcist has a few ideas on what to do about that . . .)
Finally, hashshit was awarded to Just Collin. I can’t remember what it was for, but seriously, what could it NOT be for? The boy’s been a walking hashshit contender from the get-go.
Chapter 6 – The On-After
On to the on-after at the classy pool hall of magenta and turquoise. I won every game of pool I played against Duzzy Cum and PMS. If they tell you any different, they are dirty, rotten, filthy liars. Meta graced us with his presence. Just Collin played some ‘choice’ tunes on the jukebox. Bama was kicking Famous’s Anus at air hockey.
And that’s all I got. May the hash get a piece.