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Wednesday 08/23/2006 #565

Do My Butt & Bama Mate - The Gutter Trail @ New Florissant

Hash Trash:

After last weeks great turnout in South County, I wondered if North County would be up to the challenge. It's rednecks vs. gangsters, tractor pulls vs. drive
by's, meth labs vs. crack corners.

I pulled up to the On After parking lot and discovered Disco Ass had taken the last spot...son of a...wait...is this a bar? or just a pile of bricks?

I meander over to the circle, which someone had the fore thought to put right in the middle of the road...and I see 10, 20, 30...holy crap, there must be at least 40 people here and it's only 6:40. South County's done for, take your Get 'R Dun sticker-ed truck and head on down the road.

For Do My Butt's virgin hare Bama Mate presented her with a personalized flour bag, to replace the birthday bag she'd been carrying around north county. How she didn't get shot on principle, I don't know.

Chalk talk consisted of expired condoms and duct tape. I'm sure there's a valid and legal explanation for those being in DMB's roller skate she calls a
car...but let's not go there. This is a "family" hash, remember?

I'm not sure anyone knew the hares were away, but we all crossed the road and
were just about run over by Samuel L. Jackson. I thought he was battling Snakes On A Plane...not Hashers On Washington. If you haven't seen the movie, I highly
recommend it. There's this one part where this guy...he's on a plane see...and there's this snake, and he's gonna...oh I don't wanna spoil it for you.

We immediately went down into the creek/drainage ditch and were hoping not to have to battle any snakes ourselves. I believe Mudpacker had a battle with a trouser snake, but I'm not sure who won.

There was reluctance to go in the ditch, half the pack tried to zen it in the neighborhood. That proved fruitless and they resorted to borrowing a ladder from a little seen species in North County (whitus-friendlyous).

Even thought the gutter smelled like burnt hair on a turd, being in the gutter proved to be a very safe from the neighborhood drive-by's.

Now with the entire pack in the gutter, it was time to look at some porn. What? Porn? in a gutter? Little did we know what topless treats we were in for...Viper has a very hot twin out there...whoa baby!

Just Anthony's been wearing a sports bra to hide is 48DDDD's. My god, it was all the hashers in various stages of undress. Even Whiny had a photo with his face clouded out. It's weird how all his pics are like that. It reminds me of that dirt cloud that followed Pig-Pen from Charlie Brown.

Meta, I didn't know you were Jewish.

Puss n' Boobs's name has never been more true.

We arrived at the Beer Stop and pondered over who's was the best. Eata couldn't take his eyes off his photo, and PMS was sure that it was really a photo of Postage (sorry about your luck).

At the circle, we knew we'd have another long one with more virgins that have ever gathered in one place, outside kindergarten. Hell, after last week's circle  we expected one of them to swing around the flag pole and put on a show. After a couple of butts and a long joke,we get to Just Blonde. She was obviously the candidate for a pole dance, and she gave us a very nice flash we won't soon forget. (forgive me, I don't remember Just Blonde's name, but I have her boob's etched in my mind for eternity)

The consensus was that we need to vote on which was better, Just Sara's, or Just Blonde?'s. But for that we'll have to have another viewing...so show up next week.

On to the Hashshit...we thought of all the porn we'd seen that night and realized that we hadn't seen one of the Hare. Ahhhh, she neglected to show one of herself. The perfect nomination for Hashshit, and so it was.

That signaled the end of circle and we swung low. As we were gathering up the trash and coolers. Just Anthony discovered that he had lost the keys to his car. Luckily he didn't lose his cool and calmly and politely inquired as to the whereabouts of his keys. Nobody could remember seeing them, but we all turned on lights and looked around the circle.

Just Anthony was very grateful for everyone looking and shouted with Joy at the top of his lungs for all of North County to hear. "THANKS FOR LOOKING FOR MY MOTHERFUCKING KEYS!!!" What a wonderful sound that was. And in appreciation of all our efforts Just Anthony promised to by a round of drinks at the next hash.

What a polite and reserved young man he is. Virgins, you could all take a lesson
from that man on this evening. He's a hasher through and through.

The On-After proved to be a birthday party crash, the only other people in the bar was a party for Just Lynn. We all sang her a nice hasher version of Happy  Birthday and she loved it. Postage then pointed out that his dad was on the ceiling. I'm not sure how long he'd been up there, but he was a little yellowed from the cigarette smoke.

After the smoke had cleared from the North County vs. South County war, it was clear that this time...North County had won the battle.

On-On Just Doug

Big Hump Hash House Harriers - St. Louis, Missouri - Established 1999