As we gathered in the back parking lot of Wilmore Park, the local sex with strangers magazine known as the Riverfront Times was passed around with a cover story coving the Big-Humps #557 from July 19th. Since none of us could actually read, we just looked at the pretty pictures.
During the most boring and uninformative chalk talk in recent memory, Just Anthony showed up playing SUV bowling with the hashers. Blows showed us all how to throw like a girl and tried in vain to divert the deathmobile with a tennis ball. Luckily, JA spared us and we were able to hash in the 100 degree heat.
The hares were away and asked for a most generous lead of 15 minutes...on a "short" trail. Starting beside the sewage Des Peres was a great idea on a hot, sweaty evening. We could barely smell the FRBs through the thick smell of something dead. At the first chick check Just Kim and I Wanna Ryder arrived...without a second thought, Just Kim decided the flash was a better option. Those who saw were speechless for several hours.
As we arrived at the Beer Stop (Cubs Suck's house, which is for sale by the way, open house on Sunday from 1-4 make an offer, tell your friends) someone noticed that the wheelers/walkers where nowhere to be found. Lost again. The pack was chatting about the lack of a sprinkler to cool off with when a Politician (who will remain nameless) arrived with several beautiful young ladies and littered the back yard with leaflets. After declining a beverage, the pack ridiculed the poor sap and pressured him to take a local brew and down it. To his credit, he downed the entire beer before taking his entourage on to the next baby kissing photo op.
After a few cans of suds the pack was ready to leave...But wait...Cubs Suck had a few words to say and after an emotional diatribe, threw open the garage door and revealed Christmas in August!
He had been saving presents for all of us. In some cases for years! Whiney traded for a microwave oven that actually works! And Dapper Sapper acquired the most beautiful Christmas tree this side of July.
As everyone was admiring each others packages, Postage and Mud- Packer strolled in. Apparently, several beautiful girls were drowning in a pool near a stocked beer fridge. Being the hero's they are, they both stripped down, jumped in and saved the damsels from certain death. Though they declined any reward...they did accept several beverages, which they quickly downed.
At the circle, we drew the attention of the cities finest. Right on cue, the pack launched into the most horrific sounding "kum ba yah" ever heard. The cops were so annoyed they decided to give us plenty of room for whatever they thought we were doing.
For the first time in weeks, virgins were limited just uno. Just Ken revealed that Viper Snatch made him come. And he blessed us with a short joke which we'd all heard many times before. Damn, who doesn't she make come?
10 run cranium bands were given to Hycoxia who missed it on his 10th run which might have been more than a year ago, since nobody could remember the last time he actually attended. Also 10 run band was given to to Suck My Bag, who was quite disgusted at the chosen presenter (who will be NAMED later).
Frozen made a lanyard for Cubs Suck in the inevitable situation that he forget his name and also why the Cubs Really DO SUCK. PMS then presented Cubs Suck with a necklace bearing his moniker.
At the On-After Just Doug F.'s name was debated upon for several hours before a suitable name was found. And that name is....Pees Like a Princess. Suck My Bag presented him with a beautiful tiara that he had brought just for such an occasion. After down-downing a Guinness (or 7) Pees Like a Princess decided that the beer had overstayed it's welcome and decided that it was time to Puke Like A Princess.
At some point, the pack was recognized by some patrons of Syberg's and we were asked to autograph a copy of the RFT bearing our cover story. Most hashers in attendance signed, while others just made an X near their photo.
All in all....it was just another shitty trail.