What a gorgeous hot early evening to have a hash in Soulard, party central of the St. Louis area. We all gathered in Meta’s courtyard to greet and meet the two representatives from the River Front Times, who showed up to do a story on our fun hashing group. I think they definitely got a grand show, and it’s amazing what it takes to get some old fogies crawling out of the cracks to make a huge backsliding appearance. Why I believe we saw folks like Shiggy Stomper & McWhiz there, Hopeless was even out sporting a spanking new shiny wedding band!!! (Congrats Hopeless on your recent nuptials!) We were even graced with Queen of the Pussies and Anthrax Tampax presence.
As we arrived to Meta’s courtyard we were stopped at the gate by the hottie, none other than Viper Snatch, who was collecting money by the fist fulls as hashers entered the gate. She must be good! All the hashers had no problems emptying their pockets to her. It was a great pre party….for little did we know was going to be a VERY eventful hash! After a little socializing in the gorgeous ornate courtyard, it was time to circle up.
During the hares rendition of chalk talk, it suddenly became very dark. And, VERY windy. How did the hares manage to change the weather so quickly? After going through all the markings used for trail, and introducing the 40 + hashers that crawled from the woodworks to put on a good show for the RFT, we were on our way. Just within a couple of blocks into trail, it suddenly started POURING! So much for me being your scribe for trail, all I can tell ya is that it rained so hard, I couldn’t see and had to be led to what we thought was safety by Meat Head. We met up with Pe Pole and Famous Anus and decided to take cover after being pelted by hail. Cowarding behind a big brick building we thought we were safe, or at least as safe as we could be. Soon, water began to form a river on the sidewalk around our feet. Branches and half trees began to fall atop cars and fly through the air. Soon, the large sheets of black top from the top of the building began falling on our craniums. As we sat and waited, we were longing for a beer! After what seemed an eternity, we decided to head on back to Meta’s courtyard. After coming around the bushes where we stood, we saw a Huge mound of bricks on the side walk and car that came from a building just down from where we were standing. Whew, talk about close.
As we made it back to the courtyard, no one was there, Bama reached through the locked gate and drug the cooler closer to the fence so we could rescue a few cans of brew for our foursome. Soon after arriving back at the start, here comes Viper Snatch shoving the wheel chair along with LAZY ASS in tote. He got a little wet on trail, and could not wait to get some dry clothes on. Soon after, I believe everyone finally made it back safely, it seems as though everyone enjoyed the beer stop that we missed.
FROM META – ON THE BEER STOP
The pack departed the circle amongst the swirling winds, went up the street and took the first right. As soon as they made the turn the rain started. Within one block it was coming down in sheets and blowing sideways. The pack encountered a check and scattered looking for true trail. Finding no consistent markings everyone returned to the check and ventured two more blocks where we grouped amid the 80 MPH winds. After a short debate we decided the rain has washed away the marks and as long as we were wet on the outside we should find the beer stop and get wet on the inside. Meta directed us towards the Cat’s Meow the site of the beer stop. Along the way we dodged falling and fallen limbs, live power lines, exploding transformers and flying signs. The majority of the pack made it safely to the dry confines of the bar where we ordered multiple pitchers. While we swapped war stories and explained to the patrons why we were running in severe thunderstorm the power went out. The bar staff quickly regrouped and lit candles for ambiance. As the storm started to subside we ventured out to survey the damage. While we were outside the hares finally appeared. After a quick refreshment they set a short wet trail back to the on-in. (End from Meta )
Everyone immediately began to share stories of the horror that was experienced on trail. Who would have thought that we would have found so much shiggy in Soulard! There were so many people (in circle) it was a bit hard to keep track of who was called in for what. We were visited by two hot blondes in scrubs, only to find out it was Frankie the Dick Thrusting Pu$$y Eater’s wife and her friend. A little later we were visited by another hot blonde, but this one already had a cocktail in her hand and a lit cigarette in the other, and she was super hot, screaming at everyone in the circle to quiet down, that she had lived here much longer than the person having the party, and yada yada yada…..we decided to go ahead and finish up circle before dispersing to the on after location. Something happened with urinating, (you know who you are) but Shiggy Stomper assured us he called the piss police and they were a bit busy aiding other callers with more serious problems. (Ok, maybe that was not precisely what he said, but oh well.) McWhiz got a good laugh at this!
After numerous down down’s, Cubs Suck screaming ‘hash hush’ and awarding the hash shit to Dapper Sapper, the circle was then closed and most everyone chose to drive or walk to the on after location.
Since I am writing this trash after the hash on Saturday, I can say, please be sure to bring the plunger back Dapper Sapper, if they didn’t tell you, you must carry it on trail at the next hash…..
THIS IN FROM VIPER SNATCH:
After receiving instruction from Halley's Comet, Whiney successfully learned how to lock his keys in his car. After some assistance from Viper and CS, the door still wouldn't budge. Viper tried her charm on a local rent-a-cop passing by to use his slim-jim (yes, she'll take all sizes) but he didn't have one. After about 1/2 hour, two neighborhood youths that were canvassing the area were summoned to the car. They were offered $20 to pop the locks but they were not as skilled as we thought. Whiney wound up getting the door himself, then having 2 ruined locks, and having to pay the boys out of fear anyway.. (End from Viper Snatch)
Hashshit was awarded to: Dapper Sapper
FRB - Anthrax Tampax and Postage Tramp
Click here for Map (then click on "Directions To" to get directions from your starting point)
METROLINK: The closest Metro stations are downtown which is about 2 miles away. The closest ones are at Pine and the Stadium, there is a ball game at 7:00 so both will be busy. From either station go toward the arch until you get to Broadway and turn right. Take Broadway to Russell and turn right. Go to Menard and turn left, last house on the left on the second block.
From the South: Take Hwy 55 north and take the Gravois/Russell exit. Turn right at the end of the ramp onto Russell. Take Russell to Menard and turn right. Go to the last house on the left on the second block. Go through the gate.
From the West take Hwy 40/64 to the Broadway exit. Turn left at the end of the ramp. Go one block to Broadway and turn right. Take Broadway to Russell. Turn right on Russell. Take a left at the second stop sign, Menard. Go to the last house on the left on the second block. Go through the gate.
From Hwy 270 & 44: Take Hwy 44 east to Jefferson (exit 289). Go right on Jefferson to Russell. Turn left on Russell to Menard.
For more information or if you get lost call Meta at 314-393-2072