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Wednesday 08/11/2004 #409

Open @ South County

Hash Trash:

PMS' Birthday Trail 8/11/04

The night was cool, dry and almost balmy. A perfect night to run and drink some beer. I guess that's what happens when the birthday girl/hare "plays nicely with" the RA/weather man!

Speaking of the birthday girl, she showed up with an adornment that proclaimed she was 5. Pornogenic promptly put her foot in her mouth and subsequently PMS's went up her butt, by asking if the 5 stood for 50. Of course, after Postage blessed her with enough flour to make her own birthday cake, she did look at least 50! Off she went on her little legs.

The pack milled around for a while socializing and welcoming back long lost wankers like Doesn't Cum, Lock Nut Monster, Dick Smoker, and Just Drew. They also got to choke, er I mean jerk some chicken that Auggie brought for sampling! Hot Stuff!!! Auggie, not the Chicken.

In true PMS fashion or maybe because it was her birthday, her trail pissed Whiney Bitch off enough for him to leave early (I thought we were suppose to be giving the gifts to her, not her to us?). He might of left because he heard rumors that he was going to be nominated for Hash Shit for being caught in a "polish checkback". Also lost on trail for quite some time were Norman Bates and Eatta. Hmmm, Norman didn't make circle eitherů.and Eatta didn't make the beer stop. Others got suckered into 8 dot or longer false trails such as Lizzardo and Pornogenic. He may be the sailor, but she cussed like one, when she ran into PMS again!

The first beer stop was at a near by park and most excellent beer was provided by the hare (I know it was most excellent, because I can no longer remember the name of it-I know it came in a pretty bottle and was scrumpdilyisious!!!). The second beer stop was at a friendly neighborhood bar and also brought late comers like Flossit and Just Lisa as well as our long lost GM, PC Porn!

We had some unusual walkers such as Madam Yuk and St. Auggie's Boy, as well as some of our usuals, like Iron Lung and Witty, that still managed to make it to the beer stops before the runners!

Queenie showed up one more time so we could lament over his departure and also to take off his shirt one last (we can hope) time to show off that physique that only a Kansan could be proud of. Dancing Queen was pacing nervously at the On-In worried about the fruits of his labor (ok, Witty said he didn't labor THAT hard). Blows was pacing nervously wondering who he would piss off next. And Lizzardo was pacing nervously wondering where the good beer had disappeared to.

Metta and Dead Squirrel showed up for circle proving that there is some sanity in this world (what the hell does that mean?!? I don't know, but they sure looked purty with their blue jeans and Mexican blanket sweaters).

Circle was held and many crimes and criminals were punished. Notable points from circle: Postage somehow mistook Meta for Eatta, much the way everyone else mistakes Mother Mary for Dead Squirrel. Lizzardo and Fart were in their disco mode and regaled many of us with the hit parade of the 70's, dance steps included. Iron Lung cracked a smile. Just Drew tried to share his beer with a stunt c*nt, but only succeeded in spilling beer all over her. PMS got Hash Shit for having the largest breasts of any five year old we've ever seen-and we're Hashers, we've seen LOTS of five year olds breasts (it's the hormones there feeden them cows!!!).

After circle Flossit and Just Lisa conned Pornogenic into taking them to their car, which they had left at the beer stop. Off they went wandering (can you wander in a car?) the streets of south county. Lost again! Then someone had the bright idea that PMS could get them to the beer stop. Man she gave good directions. Doh! Good directions to the first beer stop!!! Lost again! Off they go. When Flossit proclaims, left here, left here, this is the bar. Doh! Yes it is the bar, the bar where the circle was held, not where you left your car, dumbass!!! P-genic gave up and went inside to ponder the fact that with her, Flossit, and PMS trying to find the car, why hadn't it happened. She finally decided that it was because Dead Squirrel wasn't there to assist!!! Whitty and DQ finally were the heroes and got the girls to their car. I wonder if they also had to show them how to get BACK to the On After?

The cum brothers (Duzzy and Doesn't) stayed late into the wee hours to socialize and drink heavily as well as Lizzardo (who had shamelessly kicked the birthday's girl butt in pool-she musta been drunk) and PC Porn waxed philosophically (I kept trying to get him to wax my car and shut the fuck up, but to no avail).. Postage and PMS snuck out early to do what they do best (or at least most often). All in all, I think she had a pretty good birthday, even though I swear she remembers nothing after 8 o'clock!

All in all just another shitty Hash!

I need to add an addendum. Writing Hash Trash just isn't as fun, if you don't get to write "Gotta B in the Butt, Bob" at least one time. So folks, there it was!



Big Hump Hash House Harriers - St. Louis, Missouri - Established 1999